Hi! Dr. Paul here again. I've got some tips for you today about how to motivate
lazy young adults. Hey, before I even jump into this topic, I did another video
about how to be good at adulting. You can link to that right up here and as
you go there. You're going to see some of the things that I'm teaching the young
adults about this. That might be helpful information for you. What if you're the
parent and you're the one who's trying to motivate. This young adult or you're
an employer. And you've got some of these young adults on your team. What can we do?
Step number 1, lose the lazy. I mean the label of lazy. It's a name. It's
derogatory. It offends people. And it's probably not entirely accurate. They may
not be motivated to do what you want them to do but they are certainly
motivated to do what they want to do. So, they may not even be lazy. You know, what
we name something matters. I learned this from Ron Zeller --world-class leadership
coach who was talking to me about naming and the power that it has over our own
psyche and behavior. Ron shared a story with me that
illustrates this concept really nicely. He was talking about Adam --Adam and Eve
from the Bible. You know, the first people. And how Adam had a job to name all of
the animals And so, here comes a horse and Adam looks at the horse and he
observes it and he interacts with it a little bit. And he names it jumping
creature. I don't know. I guess Ron was there. He was kind of old at the time. So,
maybe he knew jumping creature. Now, why is that significant? I still didn't know.
Until Ron pointed out Adam did not name the horse lunch. See the difference?
Jumping creature, lunch. What's the difference in how you
would interact with either of those creatures? Do you see? The name that you pick
determines how you treat whatever it is that you've named. You know what? I'm
sitting next to a fella in this particular seminar that Ron was teaching.
Sitting next to him when i hear him starting to sniffle a little bit. I'm like, "Dude, you
okay?" He's dab in his eyes with a anxiousness.
I've named my son rebellious. That doesn't even sound like a name. That's
what he had named his son. And it changed how he was interacting with and showing
up for his son. The names that we pick matter. That's why we're starting there.
Lose the lazy. Delete the label. It's not helping. It's not serving you. It's not
serving the young adults that you're working with. I know it's in the title of
the video. That's because that's what people are searching for. That's part of
the problem. So, let's lose the label. Now, this young adult that you're concerned
about... Whether it's your child or your employee, I want to establish the next
parameter. Communication before consequences. Don't get me wrong.
Consequences are important. We're going to use appropriate consequences. I'll
come right back to that in just a minute. Communication is more important than the
consequences. This assumes that someone is mature enough to have a reasonable
rational conversation with you. There's exceptions and in a video called
teaching children responsibility, I go over 3 stages of moral development.
Review that video if you want to see what those are. For most relationships
with young adults, they are mature enough that you can have an actual conversation
with them. Go there first. Talk to them before you jump in and try to implement
consequences. Especially if this is your own child. With our own kids, we have
a history. This is not so true of young adults that might be working on your
team in a work setting, for example. We have a history of giving them
consequences of disciplining them and now, when they're young adults, we want to
bring all of that old history up and put it into our current relationship. That
doesn't always work very well. What are we going to do with that
communication before consequences? What we do with young adults is we transition
into a consultant role? A consultant rather than a person who's giving
consequences. In fact, most of the consequences that young adults are
dealing with all we have to do is stay out of the way and not metal. Because
they're going to play out in a very natural way most of the time. To be in a
consultant role means that you're going to give them 3 distinct messages.
These messages are number one, if it is your own child and even if it's somebody
who works for you, you can find a way to do this appropriately. I love you no
matter what and even if. I value you as a person. You are important. You are a great
individual. That's the first message. Message number 2 in the consultant
role, if you have any questions, ask. I've been around for a while I know a few
things. And I'm happy to share any information I have with you. You know
what? When I use this message with young adults, it almost always solicits
questions. I'll tell them for example, "You know that thing that you're dealing with?
I have some thoughts about that. if you ever want to hear them, let me know." Drives
them nuts. At first, they're like, "Well, you're probably going to tell me anyway." "Oh,
no. No I don't want to burden you with my thoughts or my unsolicited advice. Just
let me know if you want to hear it. I'm happy to share."
That's message number 2. If you have any questions, ask.
Message number 3 in the consultant role, "Good luck". This is an acknowledgment
that you're not driving. You are not. Even if it's your own child, when they become
young adults, they are driving their lives.
Have you noticed? Yeah, that's why you feel frustration sometimes. You got to
back off as a parent and realize that they are the ones in the driver's seat.
Not you. Buckle up because you're on board for the ride. But you're not the
one driving, are you? Accept that. And you know what? I've consulted with
parents right here in my office who said, "Well, what am I supposed to do? Just let
them make their own decisions?" Listen to your question? What do you mean "let them?"
Like it's up to you? It's not. That's why those 3 messages are so powerful.
Quick recap: I love you no matter what and even if. If you have any questions,
ask. Good luck. Those are the 3 messages that put you into a consultant
role. Now, let's get practical because if you found this video and if you're
really interested in listening to this point of the video then you're dealing
with a young adult who is having some motivation issues, shall we say? Remember,
we're going to delete the labels. We're going to lose the Lazy. We're going to work
toward becoming a consultant with this person. We're going to make sure that we do
communication before consequences. You've got all of that. Now, when push comes to
shove, sometimes you need to add a little motivation. Please be kind. Do this nicely.
stay in a positive place yourself as a parent. Calm voice, calm face, calm body.
All that good stuff that we talked about on other videos here on our playlist. You
got to unlock the nest a little. This comes from birds who do this as the
lucky the young fledgling birds start to grow and they sprout their feathers and
their wings are starting to gain some strength and it's time for them
to launch out of the nest. Well the nest is comfy.
Mom has filled it with things like down and feathers and nice soft stuff. You
know that makes this nest so comfortable. Well birds a lot of species of birds
will start to pluck the fluff out of the nest
and just make it a little more prickly and a little less comfortable for those
baby birds. Why? Because they're cruel. No. Not because they're cruel. Because they
understand that those young ones need to have some additional motivation to
actually launch and get out of the nest. Unfluff the nest a bit. Take an honest
look at what it is that you're providing for free or with no expectation of
responsibility or exchange. There's probably some things there that you
could start plucking out to encourage and motivate that young one to get out
of the nest so to speak. Parenting? Not for the faint of heart.
That's why we've got your back. We have so many resources available to you
including a free parenting breakthrough call with a member of our team. Click on
a link down below drPaulJenkins.com\ breakthroughcall. That's
where you're going to find our team we're looking forward to having a
personal conversation with you about whatever your questions are. See you soon.