[cheering]
- Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
with this sworn testimony only one option remains.
The defendant is guilty of murder.
The prosecution rests.
- And where's the defense attorney?
- I'm here, Your Honor.
- Where were you?
- Sorry, I got a little bit distracted last night
while preparing your case.
Went down a bit of an Internet rabbit hole
researching about puffins.
[audience laughter]
- Puffins?
- Yeah.
They are fascinating.
- [sighs]
- Anyway, don't worry about it.
Everything's gonna be fine.
Judge: Ahem.
- Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury.
My client, Richard..
-Paul.
-Paul...
- Robbins.
- Right, Robbins.
My client, Paul Robbins,
is nothing if not honorable,
respectable, and harmless.
Not unlike,
the North Atlantic puffin.
[audience laughter]
- Oh, no.
- It's true that my client was at the scene of the crime
the night of the murder,
but did you stop for even a second
to consider that the North Atlantic puffin
can dive 26 feet below the water?
[audience laughter]
I mean, think about that.
Twenty-six...
whole...
feet.
[knocks]
I'm gonna let those words sink in.
[audience laughter]
- Your Honor, can I have a new lawyer?
- Request denied.
Continue.
- Your Honor, I'd like to call
Ms. Weyburn to the stand.
Ms. Weyburn, where were you
on the night in question?
- I was at the hotel where the murder took place.
- Really?
So you were nowhere near the beaches and islands
of Eastern Canada where puffins traditionally nest and feed?
[audience laughter]
- Nope, I was right where the murder was.
- Fascinating.
Ms. Weyburn, would you take a look
at this picture of the crime scene?
- It's a picture of a puffin.
[audience laughter]
Defense attorney: That it is.
[inaudible]
Ms. Weyburn, do you notice
anything off about that picture?
- Its beak is grey instead of orange?
- Its beak is grey, instead of orange.
M'kay?
Its beak is grey.
Instead of orange!
[papers smacking]
- Okay.
Your Honor, the defense clearly
only has a bunch of puffin facts they Googled last night.
- Couldn't agree more.
Why is the puffin's beak grey?
- Maybe it's because, unlike penguins,
puffins don't digest and then regurgitate
their food for their young.
Maybe, puffins simply carry the fish whole
back to the nest.
And so maybe, during the winter months
puffins don't get the nutrients that they need
for that particular pigmentation!
[table contents clattering]
[cup pops]
[audience laughter]
Maybe, but what would I know, Your Honor?
I'm just a humble lawyer.
- Fascinating.
I'd like to introduce a character witness
to speak on behalf of my client.
[audience laughter]
- Objection Your Honor.
- Overruled.
I'll allow it.
I think it's adorable.
[puffin grunting]
- [laughing] Oh!
[audience laughter]
He's funny.
- Thank you, Your Honor.
Wise, wise words
from a wise, wise puffin.
And that is why I know, Your Honor,
my client Robert.
- Paul.
- Paul Robert.
- Robbins.
- Paul Robbins,
is a puffin.
- Innocent!
- Right, innocent.
My client, Paul Robbins,
is innocent.
The defense rests.
- All right, does our jury have a consen--
Jury: Guilty.
- Life in prison.
[gavel smacks]
- You win some, you lose some.
[audience applause]
- Hey everybody, thanks for watching Studio C.
For more comedy like this,
go to BYUtv.org or download the BYUtv app.
It's free.
Also you can go to YouTube,
just be sure to like, comment, and subscribe.
Leave your favorite puffin fact while you're there.
- I object.
[gavel pounds]