Nicole: When you first approach a girl, if you make her feel even a little bit creeped
out? She's going to lose interest. You can be a totally nice, normal, awesome guy, but
if you don't follow certain rules per se, you're gonna scare her away. Most girls,
myself included, can name forty different scenarios in which a guy has approached
and for no particular real reason, she felt really uncomfortable and had to
leave. So I'm gonna cover five mistakes that most guys make and give you some
demos to really show you what I'm talking about
so that you do not become the one labeled as the creep. Hey guys it's
Nicole with The Attractive Man team, and in today's video I'm gonna tell you how
to approach and flirt with a girl without being creepy. Approaching someone
new and flirting with them can be beyond nerve-racking. We've all been there, an
important thing to remember is that when you approach a girl, she's gonna feel
really nervous too. Meeting anyone new can be a little bit awkward, intense, so if
you can do something to alleviate that awkward tension, then you're golden. But
if you're the one creating it? You're definitely going to be labeled as a
creep. The first and most common mistake I've seen guys make is that they take
forever to approach after making eye contact. You can guarantee any time I'm
out with my friends we're gonna come across at least one guy who will make
eye contact with one of us maybe a few times, and then he just doesn't approach,
or he takes like 15 minutes to approach, or something crazy like that. If you
think you're being fun and playing hard-to-get creating that "Will they?
Won't they?" vibe across the bar you're wrong. All you've done is created the
vibe that you are a stalker and you've made her feel uncomfortable that she has
to be in the same room as you. It's really important that you approach
quickly after making eye contact, you can glance once or twice maybe even three
times, and then you need to approach. If she's looking at you that many times
that's like a guaranteed cue that you're she's ready for you to approach and
you're welcome to do so you cannot wait around or else you've lost your chance.
So the second mistake I'm gonna cover was actually inspired by a question that
my neighbor asked me. He's a single guy and he's in the dating world,
and he asked "What if you can't make eye contact with someone across the bar? What
if it's too crowded or you just can't catch their glance? What do you do in
this scenario?" This is a great question. It's definitely still okay to approach
but how you do it can make or break your chances with someone, this leads me to
the mistake that most guys make is that in this scenario, they tend to get too
close too soon. You have to approach them across the bar, it's easy to have to get
close to them and make them feel really weird, so I'm actually going to do a demo
for you to show you just how awkward and creepy this can be from the outside
looking in. This happens a lot in bars where someone will approach me from
behind and they are so close it makes me feel freaked out. So Aaron's gonna
demonstrate that... so you turn around and they're just right there, like you can't
even see who is in front of you. You see right there a nose, it just it's really
awkward and it makes you feel like threatened, like he's taller than me, and
he's bigger than me, and he's a really really close. So you want to maybe stand
a little back I think could be a little closer than arm's reach since you're
going through a crowd, but you need to be able to see you, so he could have brought
up and approach me like the normal way, hi.
So that's comfortable, he touched my arm gently and not weird and now I can see
his face and engage in conversation with him, and it feels much more natural. By
the way if you're not subscribed yet go ahead and click that subscribe button we
put out awesome new dating advice videos every single week and you're not going
to want to miss any of them. So now you've approached the girl, nice work,
but what happens next can really determine how the interactions gonna go.
You have to have something to say to her other than hey my name is so-and-so it
can be a flirty line it can be a comment about the weather I mean that's kind of
boring but literally anything that you can say to get the conversation going to
spark something is going to make a difference.
Aaron: "Hi! Hi my name is Aaron." Nicole: "Nicole. Nice to meet you." and then he immediately
dropped his head really awkwardly in for like the longest five seconds of my life,
didn't say anything. Aaron:"So uhm, where are you from?" Nicole: "I'm from Austin, where are you from?"
Aaron: "I'm from Texas" Nicole: "How long have you been here?" Aaron: "I've been here for about a year and a
half." Nicole: "Oh cool." and needless to say this conversation died out pretty quickly.
After you introduce yourself you can and should make a flirty comment, you know,
maybe something about what she's wearing, or something you noticed about her,
anything to really get that flirty energy going will make you seem
really interesting and also will avoid any of that awkward silence that just
creates the weirdest conversational tension. Don't make this mistake, always
have something to say. You can also use your surrounding to use as topic cues if you
really don't know what to say to someone, you can kind of look around you and make
comments about things, maybe you're at a coffee shop and you can make a comment
on someone's order, or maybe you're at a bar and you can make a comment on
something interesting you see there's always something funny drunken happening,
anything like that will really expect a conversation that is relevant to both of
you, so it's easy to get that good conversational dynamic going. Now the
fourth mistake that a lot of guys make is making too much eye contact. Now I
actually have not really personally experienced this, but my best friend
recently went on a date and she says this has actually happened to her a lot
where the guy, you know, they had a good conversation started and then he made
some comment about maybe she had pretty eyes or something about her face, and
then didn't look away, would get really creepy and old and weird after just a
few seconds. It's not cool, look away naturally, at literally anything
around you. Just don't stare directly at someone's eyes for a really long time or
you're gonna really creep them out.
The fifth mistake a lot of guys make is too much or unwelcome physical contact.
Now this absolutely differs from girl to girl and you won't know immediately when
meeting her so you have to pay attention to her body language and the signs she's
giving you about what's welcome and what's not, but a lot of guys make the
mistake of having way too much physical contact too soon and it will just make a
person feel really tense and uncomfortable. So one mistake that guys
kind of make pretty often is there's either too much touch, or
not enough touch, so I'm going to show you a couple of examples of too much
touch that makes you feel creeped out and weird, and then an example of no
engagement at all - physical, no physical engagement at all and show you
how it looks. So the first example is going to be... this happens all the time in
bars or even other places, it's too much and it feels really weird, so Aaron's
gonna demonstrate that really quick. So .. Aaron: "Heyy how's it going!" Nicole: "Okay, so this is
like, he's bigger than me first of all, it's overpowering and weird, like you, you
feel like trapped all of a sudden so you are in this scenario it's just not
comfortable you don't feel good and you don't want to like engage more because
you feel already uneasy, you wanna take a step back from him as opposed to
engaging with him. So avoid that, a simple way to approach a girl if you want to
touch is just a quick light tap on the arm or anywhere on the arm hand whatever
you can shake hands, something like that, that gives that physical action going but
not in a way that makes her feel threatened. So another problem is if they
don't touch it all at first, it kind of creates a weird like they're not sure of
themselves, I'm not confident, a weird vibe. So he's gonna approach me and just
say hi, he can show you how that looks. Aaron: "Hi." Nicole: "Hi." okay so see it? Like, this happens all
the time the guys will approach and the like look like they're gonna shake your
hand or something and they put their hands in their pocket instead, and you're like, all right,
left meeting in. And it's really weird. So just you always shake hands, or something,
just some kind of interaction if you really want to get that conversation
going it really sets the tone. So you've seen the wrong in the right way, to touch
a person that you've just met, if you touch a girl lightly on her arm, and the
conversations going well, and she smiles and you know everything seems fine she
doesn't flow away, it's probably a good go to that you're okay to do that again.
But if someone pulls away, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're not
interested especially if the conversation is going really well, it
just may mean they're not quite ready for that level of interaction yet, so
keep the conversation fun and playful and flirty and you can try again a
little bit she'll let you know when she's ready for that, she may even
reciprocate first, just to let you know she's no longer feeling nervous around
you. On the other hand if you make a light playful touch even if the
conversations going well and the girl pulls away or seems uneasy all of a
sudden, it's a pretty good cue that she's just not really into it. The thing is if
a girl really is into a guy that she's talking to that's pretty much always
going to be welcome, it's a pretty normal thing,
it's affectionate, it's nice, its playful, it's fun. So if she does back away and
seems a little uneasy it's probably your cue to make an exit and don't waste your
time with that person because they're not that interested. So I've covered the
five mistakes that most guys make when approaching a woman and talking to her,
and flirting with her that can really make them come off as creepy, a lot of
these things are really easily avoidable but they are kind of based in a lack of
confidence or nervousness and things like that. If you really want to gain the
confidence necessary to approach a girl you should download our Confidence Cheat
Sheet right now, there's a link below and also in the description and it includes
18 proven ways based on science and psychology that you can boost your
confidence fast and effectively. That way you won't have all these nerves when
approaching a beautiful girl, and if you really want to know how to interact with
a woman and get some really personal advice and
instruction, check out our boot-camp schedule which is also in a link below.
Thanks, I'll see you in the next video! Bye!