This was Cam and his girlfriend Maria’s third time moving to a different city in the last four years.
This time, they were moving to a lively neighborhood called Montrose, in Houston, Texas.
This was also the fourth time Cam had changed jobs in the prior five years or so. He had
worked in marketing for an electronics company, then sales management for a software company,
then operations management for a manufacturing company. He had found some traditional success,
but repeatedly, he seemed to find himself in the same spot—just unsatisfied enough with his job,
his trajectory, his life to want something else. Time and time again, he felt like he wasn’t
doing anything impressive or important enough. He longed for significance, status, wealth, purpose.
Maria worked remotely as a costume designer for a major video game publisher,
so she had the flexibility to move basically anywhere in the country. She enjoyed her job
and planned on staying, but like Cam, she also sought excitement and newness and a greater
sense of something else that they could never quite pin down but felt was missing. And so,
she was on board for another move. After a couple months of looking and
applying for better, higher-paying jobs in bigger cities, Cam received a job offer for
a business development manager position for a subsea and space engineering and technology
company in Houston. Without any hesitation, he took it. And he and Maria planned their move.
Now, several weeks later, they were settling into their new condo in
Montrose, unpacking and organizing their stuff—they brought everything with them.
The second Monday after moving in was Cam’s first day. He drove into the industrial park
where the business was located, walked into the large building, and started anew again.
After work, Cam returned home, spent some time finishing unpacking, then relaxing,
eating, and sleeping. This mostly repeated for the rest of the week.
On that Friday, Cam and Maria went out to eat a new restaurant close to them called Marmo.
After taking a sip of her drink, Maria looked over at Cam and asked, “So, what’s the conclusion?
How’d the first week go?!” “Good,” Cam said.
“Just good?!” “No, no. Like it’s been good.
Fairly typical so far. Mostly just getting me up to speed on stuff, being introduced to people and
the culture and goals and all that. I’ve mostly been doing market research, reading reports,
and lots of emails. It’s different but familiar if that makes sense. I’m excited,
though. Should be a really great jumping-off point for something even better in the future.”
“That’s awesome, babe!” Maria said. “Yeah,” Cam responded.
The rest of the weekend and subsequent week rotated right by, similar to the last.
On the following Saturday, while cleaning up the kitchen, Maria blurted out to Cam,
“Oh my god! It’s endless!” “What?”
“The dust! I feel like we just cleaned this place, and it’s already filthy again! Where
does all the dust even come from?” “I know. Seriously,” Cam responded.
“It’s an eternal fight against dirt and dust. And dirt and dust always win,” she
said with a somewhat humorous tone. “Yeah, I guess we must be dusty,” Cam
said in a similar tone. “Hey. We should go for a
walk around the neighborhood in a little bit,” Maria said, changing the subject.
“Yeah, I’m down. When do you want to go?” “How about in like fifteen minutes?”
“Sure, yeah. Sounds good. I just need to get changed,” Cam said.
The two finished what they were doing, left their apartment, and began their
walk around the neighborhood. After around fifteen minutes,
they passed by a house with an older man in the front yard. He looked like he was
perhaps in his fifties or sixties. He was digging what appeared to be a large hole.
“All in day’s work,” the man suddenly said, gesturing his head toward Cam and Maria.
Cam and Maria waved as the laughed with a sort of tight-lipped smile and downward head nod.
“Some nice people around here, huh?” Cam said to Maria in a bit of humorous but sincere tone
as they continued past the house. “Yeah. Love that,” Maria responded.
The two walked for another fifteen minutes or so and then returned home.
Throughout the rest of the week, Cam and Maria began going on walks more regularly. They walked
all sorts of directions and routes, exploring different pockets of the neighborhood and the
city more broadly. Walking became one of the most enjoyable parts of their day. There was
no real goal besides enjoying themselves, and no real destination besides back where
they started. A walking habit began to set in amidst their newly forming routine. Work,
eat, walk, clean, TV, sleep, repeat—a local activity and a few drinks and a meal at a
new restaurant sprinkled in here and there. Simultaneously, the gears of Cam’s new job
were also beginning to turn. The newness became normalness. Cam liked the job,
but he had soon found himself feeling mostly the same as he had at his previous jobs.
A quiet, familiar fear that this new job wouldn’t amount to anything that would profoundly satisfy
that feeling of something missing, that pit, began to enter into the back of his mind.
On the following Saturday, Cam and Maria walked the same relative route that they
had the previous Saturday. Around fifteen minutes in,
they approached the same house where the older man had been out front digging.
To their surprise, he was still out front digging. It appeared to be same hole in the same spot.
When the man noticed them, he looked up. “All in day’s work!”
Cam and Maria waved while laughing out of their nose with a tight-lipped smile, but this time,
their laugh was a bit hesitant and confused. “Hasn’t made much progress, huh?” Cam quietly
said to Maria as they kept walking. “Yeah, I know. Weird. It almost looks
like he’s less far along.” “We must’ve just not gotten a
good angle,” Cam replied. “Mm,” Maria responded.
The two continued walking past the subsequent houses.
“What do you think he’s digging?” Cam asked. “Who knows? Maybe he’s looking for something.”
After around another twenty minutes or so, the two finished their walk and returned home.
Four days later, on Wednesday, at around 7:30 p.m., Cam and Maria went for a walk.
The sun had set, and the streets were illuminated only by the glow of buildings,
driveway lights, and streetlights. After around twenty-five minutes,
somewhat under his breath, Cam suddenly said, “What the hell?” He discretely pointed slightly to
the side and in front of where they were walking. There, was the same older man standing out
front of the same house, digging the same hole in the same spot.
“It’s like the same size. Am I tripping?” Cam continued.
“No, it definitely looks the same,” Maria said with a subtle laugh.
The man looked up. “All in day’s work!” he said, gesturing his head toward them.
Cam and Maria didn’t laugh. “Still digging?” Cam said with a half-smile
and playful but almost concerned tone. “Oh yeah. Just getting started,”
the man responded. Completely thrown off,
Cam responded, “What … what are you digging?” “Making a koi pond! For my son.” He turned
his head and pointed toward the house behind him. Cam and Maria followed his gaze toward the house.
All the windows were covered by shades. Leaning up against the house, Cam noticed another shovel. The
blade was covered in dirt. As they were inspecting the house, someone inside pulled one of the window
shades back. A younger man’s face appeared in the small space between the window frame and
the shade. The man looked out at them, holding still for a moment, like he was making sure
everything was okay. He was hard to see, backlit and shadowed by the interior of the home. Then,
the shade closed. Both Cam and Maria redirected their attention back toward the old man, who
had now resumed digging. In synchronization, they both realize what they were observing. The muscles
on both their faces began to slightly droop. “That’s awesome!” Cam said, his voice containing a
forced kind of enthusiasm. “Koi fish … a symbol of courage and perseverance, right?!” he continued.
“I don’t know,” the man said. “I just like ‘em!” “Fair enough!” Maria added, with a laugh.
“Well, have a good one!” Cam concluded. “Yup. You too.”
Cam and Maria continued walking. They were silent for a moment. Maria’s eyes were wide,
like she was forcing them open. She turned around and looked behind her,
ensuring they were far enough away. “Oh my god,” she said. “That’s so sad. That literally
makes me want to … Life is so shitty, dude.” “I know,” Cam said, his voice shaking a bit. “We
don’t know exactly what’s going on, though.” “Come on, Cam. He probably has dementia or
something. Every day, he’s just digging that same hole. To nowhere. For nothing.
Oh my god.” Her eyes began to water. “Could be like a head injury or brain
damage or tumor or something,” Cam added. “Okay, so? Either way. Everything we know,
everything we think and believe, everything we are, it’s all just limited to the clump of
paste inside our head, destined to shrivel up. We’re just memories, and memories are just brain
tissue. Ugh. Oh my god. I’m done.” There was a brief silence.
“So, what do you think, his son, or whoever, is, like, refilling the hole every night?”
“Yeah, I guess. Must be,” Maria responded. “Jesus. Digging a hole every day just for
it to be filled up as soon as you finish, and then starting again every morning. Never achieving what
you’re after. Your efforts never really amounting to anything. God!” Cam looked around them. Then,
he looked down at his feet, moving left, right, left, right, left, right.
The two quickly finished their walk, not feeling much like continuing or doing anything else.
A few days later, on Sunday, Maria was catching up on some work at the apartment. Cam spent most of
the afternoon cleaning, organizing, watching some TV, and walking around the neighborhood
by himself. At some point, out of morbid curiosity, he walked by the man’s house.
There he was. Digging. Same spot. Same hole. The man looked up, noticing Cam who
had unintentionally stopped and was now staring at him.
“All in day’s work!” the man said as he nodded. “Yeah,” Cam said. “All in a day’s work.”
Cam continued standing there for a moment. It must have been long because the man looked up again.
“Beautiful day, isn’t it?” the man said, looking up at the sky. “Just gorgeous.” He seemed
completely sincere. Then, he continued digging. Cam forced a smile and nodded yes. “Yeah. It is,”
he said, mostly to himself. Then, he continued walking.
Later that night, while eating dinner with Maria, Cam said, “Maybe that guy … the guy
who digs in front of his house … maybe he’s happy … as much as anyone can be at least.”
Maria swallowed her food and looked over at Cam. “Maybe,” she said, not so sure about it.
“I want to imagine he’s happy, at least,” Cam said.
“What good is imagining? It’s what’s real that matters, right?”
“Yeah. I guess you’re right. He seemed happy to me today, though, when I walked by.”
“Oh yeah? Well, that’s a nice thought. Maybe he is. Maybe because he believes there’s hope,
that eventually he’ll finish digging, and the koi pond will be complete.
I wonder if somehow he could know that it wasn’t, could he ever be happy then?”
Cam paused for a moment. “Maybe. Maybe one can accept that truth,
and maybe accepting that truth, in a way, conquers it. It’s not like he’s doing anything different
either way. Whether it ends up being finished or not, in his head, today, he’s just digging.
Maybe it’s all just in our heads.” “What do you mean?” Maria interrupted.
“Maybe even if one knows that by nightfall, their task, their project, their life will
surmount to … hopeless and futile efforts, endless digging, they can still look around and see that
it’s a beautiful day, they can still be with people they love, they can still be
present in what they’re doing, they can still try. Maybe one simply must try to be happy.”
“Mm,” Maria said. “I like that.” She took another bite of her food.
The next day, on Monday, Cam intently kissed Maria goodbye in the morning and left for work. On his
drive, he observed all the houses and businesses, the different architectural styles, the cars and
people, the patterns, the colors, the sensations. He played one of his new favorite songs.
He rolled the window down and felt the air and sun on his skin. Then, he laughed.