[Applause]
have you ever heard someone singing so
loudly making a joyful noise but perhaps
they were attracting unexpected
attention well that's how my story
starts many years ago in my hometown in
New Jersey I was in the fifth grade and
I was so excited because my parents
signed me up for the children's choir a
church except there was a problem you
see I couldn't get my voice to match the
unison hymns that were set in very low
keys for children so I would sing
everything an octave higher and that
didn't work the choir director was very
kind and suggested that I joined the
adult choir were my vocal enthusiasm and
my soprano range would be welcomed with
the grown ups as time went on I studied
classical voice I learned multiple
foreign languages and I earned a degree
in music at university and then another
one and I fell in love with the operatic
repertoire it fit my voice like a glove
and I became an opera singer early on I
understood the meaning of the phrase the
thrill of victory and the agony of
defeat because in the world of opera
singer you are constantly auditioning
for jobs and you've got to develop a
thick skin in order to handle the
rejection I remember one particular
audition season I was living in my tiny
little efficiency apartment in Germany
armed with my Eurail train pass and
ready to travel to all the European
countries at a moment's notice to take
auditions now my agent said competition
is extremely fierce this season so
you've got to sing 13 auditions in order
to land one job the reality is one job
in the operatic world might only last
eight weeks and then you were right back
out there auditioning again I remember
waiting backstage and those beautiful
European houses usually flanked by 20
other women all of whom shared my voice
parts because we were vying for the same
roles I remember waiting backstage for
my turn to sing and the judgement about
your voice happened before you even
opened your mouth to sing that walk from
behind the curtain to center stage that
was the crucial first impression now I
realized that at that stage everybody
was talented if you were invited to sing
in person that it meant you were
selected from many others who didn't
make the cut what I didn't expect was
the incredible subjectivity in how we
judge musical talent think about it it's
a preference it's a choice there's no
right or wrong some people like
Beethoven others like Beyonce I learned
pretty quickly that I couldn't change
the sound of my voice nor could I change
the taste of a musical casting director
now I'd landed some incredible singing
gigs and I lost many as well more than I
expected actually but what you need to
know about me is that I am a planner I
create a road map for almost everything
and I'm ambitious and goal-oriented and
I had a plan that I would live happily
ever after singing my favorite operatic
roles around the world I would have
plenty of money to survive and I would
be happily ever after well I'm here to
tell you with a big slice of humble pie
that my fabulous plan didn't lead to
that goal failure is real it hurts it
can debilitate you and rock your
self-confidence but my voice teacher had
this awesome idea she called it the 24
hour pout period when I would rant and
rave in the privacy of my own home
and remember on miss soprano so it was
loud and it was high but it was a great
way to grieve the emotion of that very
real loss and then get over it and get
ready for the next audition the next day
failure is a common denominator for all
of us but resilience and recovery builds
courage tenacity and strength sustaining
myself financially was hard really hard
paying for voice lessons musical
coaching's accompanists living abroad
traveling abroad all of the auditions I
was struggling alone living abroad and
my beloved husband was back home in the
States cheering me on and I missed him
terribly it wasn't a glamorous life but
it was my reality and it was my choice
but it created a turning point if you're
on a road with so many red lights
perhaps you're on the wrong road I was
on the wrong road but I wasn't listening
or self-aware enough it was a dark time
for me I was caught up in this concept
of the starving artist who needed to
struggle for her art and I felt like I
was disappointing my family and my
friends back home who were cheering me
on for Fame and success I felt like I
was failing in a very public way and I
bought into this idea of the struggling
artist and I thought I'm not suffering
enough on it's our artistic journey I'm
drawn to the iconic words of Ted speaker
and shame researcher Rene Brown who says
vulnerability is the birthplace of
innovation creativity and changed now I
was on this operatic roller coaster of a
career with many highs and a lot more
lows and I had feelings of shame
and guilt and inadequacy thinking that I
wasn't doing enough to achieve success
but when I had a breakthrough and could
acknowledge my vulnerability that
changed my life and it was the catalyst
for my reinvention the most important
lesson that I want to share with you is
the power of the reframe we all have an
opportunity to plan but I'm here to tell
you it doesn't always work out so you've
got to be nimble and adaptive and ready
to change sometimes out of necessity and
sometimes by choice and if you step back
and look at the scenario from a
different perspective you can take a
path maybe even a baby step in a new
direction at the performer I bought into
the idea of waiting for my big break
everything I'll get better when I'm
discovered when I have consistent work
and financial solvency well I'm here to
tell you you don't have to wait to be
happy and you can define success on your
terms right now I find it really
interesting that we live in a culture
that celebrates postponing our happiness
maybe some of this relates to you it'll
get better when it'll get better when
the kids are out of daycare and in
school full time and she can focus on
her career it'll get better when she
lands the perfect job and earns more
money
it'll get better when she finally mints
the degree why are we waiting to be
happy you have the power now to define
success on your terms the most important
lesson that I want to share with you is
this power of reframing it seems like
not a day goes by that I don't meet
someone who says oh my boss is such a
jerk or I'm in the
roll and I'm just not playing to my
strengths that I'm miserable at work or
I have a toxic work environment and I
don't want to go in every day I get it
those situations suck quite honestly
they really do and if your scenario
sucks so badly promise me that you'll
bring people into your circle of trust
and talk about ways that you can take a
baby step in a different direction and
reframe because here's what I know for
sure the suckiness is real but the
suffering is optional so how does an
opera singer reframe her career and do
something without showcasing her musical
talents well I'm here to tell you I
wrote a lot of people into that
conversation and they helped me peel
back the layers to figure out what else
I did well I have a friend who calls me
the queen of transferable skills but I
did a lot of work I did a lot of
research I test drove a million other
careers believe me and I retooled and
credentialed until I found something
that I absolutely love and my second act
career is as a career and professional
development coach and now I help other
people navigate their career journey so
they can define success on their terms
and be happy now but what I want to
share with you is my happy ending I'm
still singing because I have the power
to reframe my opera singing from a
vocation to an avocation it's something
that I do that brings me great joy but
it doesn't define who I am I formed a
singing group with some fellow singers
we call ourselves the grateful divas
and we sing cabarets and concerts for
charities and nonprofit organizations
whose missions we believe in it's a
great way to keep my chops fresh and to
pay it forward I now consider myself a
diva for the greater good my failure to
sustain a lifelong career as an opera
singer no longer evokes feelings of
shame or inadequacy failure taught me to
be vulnerable courageous empathetic and
brave failure taught me that perfection
does not exist and that everybody is
talented and you've got to check your
ego at the door but most importantly
failure showed me how to reframe I'm
still a planner but all my plans don't
work out but now I can step back and
look at things from a different
perspective I urge you to be bold to be
brilliant to live your life without
apology make a joyful noise even if it
attracts unexpected attention I learned
to sing a new tune and it has given me
great joy in a new career that I
absolutely love if you find yourself on
a road with so many red lights how's the
courage to take a step even if it's a
baby step in a new direction because I
promise you
reframing can lead to amazing things
thank you
[Applause]