[MIDI piano music]
[typing]
[music continues]
[music slows down and stops] Okay! Please! Just... stop.
This...
sucks.
So as you may have guessed, all you do is decipher antonyms and synonyms
in both the study program and the separate adventure game.
And you know, I guess that would be fine.
I mean, it kind of serves its purpose in that regard,
except that literally everything else about this
is so bland it actually hurts my feelings.
Deeply.
Navigate a terrible maze with terrible controls
with a terrible unicorn, collecting terrible keys,
and avoiding the occasional terrible bridge troll
that will either take your money or steal your money
if you say you have the money, but you don't!
Dick snot!
You'd think that collecting the colored keys to open the doors would be challenging.
I mean, that is the goal after all.
But if you want to open a specific door,
all you have to do is keep coming back to a certain key
until it changes to the color you want.
So that's not even challenging, or fun.
The most exciting thing about this game
is the AdLib music that's playing in the background here.
Which is so strangely upbeat and out of place
that I really, genuinely start to question the fabric of space
and time and
my shirt and
my chair!
What are they? I don't even know.
Cool music, though.
[upbeat MIDI music plays]
Well, and the ending. I mean, that's...
that's kind of exciting
because it's just totally fricking random.
Once you happen to open the correct door by complete total chance,
you will get this bit of acid-fueled weirdness.
And that's it. You're kicked back to DOS.
"A challenging and entertaining learning environment."
Challenging? No. Entertaining? No.
Uh, lies!
Deciept.
Falsehoods!
Betrayal.
Death.
And carnage.
Land of the Unicorn
by Unicorn Software.
[MIDI music plays louder]