Welcome to Psych IRL.
My name is Donna and today's video is brought to you by Nikita Roque Sox.
Video Idea: how not to dwell on disappointment...I'm still super upset with things I didn't do
over 10 years ago.
Good question.
So first of all there are a number of techniques people use not to dwell on disappointment.
This is personally how I do it.
It may work for you or it may not.
I think a lot of it has to do with your locus of control.
I'm going to explain that right now.
I'm going to read aloud a few statements.
Choose whether you agree or disagree.
Number 1.
Heredity determines most of one's personality.
Number 2.
I can't overcome negative first impressions, I have made on others.
Number 3.
Most triumphs in my life were due to chance rather than to my skills and intelligence.
If you agreed to most of these statements you might have what's called an external locus
of control.
In 1954 psychologist Julian Rotter developed a locus of control scale.
On one end is the external locus of control and on the other is the internal locus of
control.
A person can lie on any point of this continuum.
The farther you are on this end means you're more likely to attribute situations to external
forces such as luck, chance, or any environmental factors.
I failed the test because my teacher is a bad teacher.
The farther you are on this end means you more likely to attribute situations to internal
forces or yourself.
I failed the test because I didn't study hard enough.
So with all of that I think it's important to be in the internal locus of control spectrum.
This may come easier for some people and this may not be.
A lot of it may be due to personality.
I feel like I've always been like this since kindergarten.
This one time where my teacher said we have an exchange gift for Christmas.
I decided to wrap the present myself.
I showed it to my mom and my mom was like, "this is really ugly.
what are you doing, Donna".
What?
Ugly?
My mom offered to wrap the present for me, but I said "no. this is my present and I'm
going to give it to the teacher like this".
School came up and I gave it to the teacher.
Teacher kind of looked at my mom and then at the present...Apparently it was ugly and
not done right.
So, I was made to take it back home.
My mom ended up wrapping the present.
Whatever.
I've always had this I need to do it myself mentality.
All the responsibility is upon you and you have the power to change your destiny.
As weird, cliche, and cheesy as that sounds, you actually do have the power to work on
your success.
If you want successful things don't happen by chance, you have to work through it.
So, yes over the years this is how I kind of felt and how I kind of dealt with things.
Now that doesn't mean I never absolutely doubt my skills because honestly I do a lot, but
the difference is when I fail something it's because I didn't work hard enough.
Whereas on the other side of the spectrum you can feel like, they didn't like the present
because it's the teacher's fault.
It's my mom's fault.
they don't know what they're talking about.
this is art.
Now, I do see the perspective of wait because everything is dependent on you then it hurts
more because it's all your fault.
This is from a Roman Atwood vlog so I'm kind of quoting here.
You can dwell on disappointment 100%, 50%, or 0%.
The percentage you dwell on something will not change the outcome whatsoever so why would
you stress yourself out 100% to dwell on something when it doesn't change anything.
With the internal locus of control mentality, because you feel like you're in control of
your destiny there's not point it dwelling.
what you have to do is take action.
I definitely know that that's way harder than it sounds and it's something you need to work
on and it's something that you need to practice.
If this helped you in any way, like it and share it.
If this didn't, "I'm sorry".
I really hope this answered your question Nikita.
If you don't know how Nikita is, I'll leave her link in the description below.
Go subscribe to her.
I will see you guys next time.
Stay Psyched.