>>> BUT THE THING I WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD
IS A BIKE. LOVE, CANE.
>> HO HO HO, WHAT A GOOD BOY. LET'S GET HIM THAT BIKE, AND A
HELMET. >> GOOD THINKING, SANTA.
>> HERE'S ONE FROM EMILY. "DEAR SANTA, THIS YEAR I WANT
A DISNEY PRINCESS MIRROR." >> THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT SHE'LL
GET, HUH? WHO'S NEXT?
RUPERT? >> UM.
>> RUPERT, WHAT IS IT? >> IT'S JUST MINE'S A LITTLE
WEIRD. >> I'M SURE IT'S NOT THAT WEIRD.
JUST READ IT. >> UM, OKAY.
WELL, IT STARTS NORMAL ENOUGH. DEAR SANTA --
♪ DEAR SANTA, I CAN'T BELIEVE THE YEAR IS ALMOST OVER ♪
♪ IT'S GETTING COLDER I'M A YEAR OLDER
BUT I'M STILL YOUR SOLDIER ♪ ♪ YOU'RE MY HERO
CAUSE YOU ALWAYS BRING ME THE ASSIST ♪
♪ SO ONCE AGAIN WE'RE BACK TO ZERO
HERE WE GO MY CHRISTMAS LIST ♪
♪ I WON'T BE GREEDY OR NEEDY
OR ASK YOU FOR TOO MUCH ♪
♪ JUST WANT ONE THING AND HOPE YOU STILL GOT THAT
MAGIC TOUCH ♪ ♪ CAUSE GETTING THIS
PRESENT IS THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME ALIVE ♪
♪ DEAR SANTA CLAUS PLEASE BRING ME A PS5 ♪
♪ I TRIED TO BUY ONE AT A WAL-MART RAN AROUND
THE SHOPPING MALL LIKE PAUL BLART ♪
♪ TRIED TO FINE ONE FOR SALE
BUT THE THING IS THAT THEY'RE ALL OUT ♪
♪ YO I EVEN WENT TO A GAME STOP AND
THEN I WAS LIKE OH WAIT STOP SANTA CLAUS
CAN MAKE ONE ♪ ♪ THE MAN GOT HIS
OWN WORKSHOP ♪ ♪ I KNOW YOU PROBABLY
HEAR THIS EVERY DAY BUT YOU GOT A COOL HAT ♪
♪ I LOVE THAT MOVIE YOU DID WITH WILL FERRELL
MAN ELF WAS PHAT ♪ ♪ ANYWAYS I LOVE
THE THINGS YOU DO DON'T FORGET ♪
♪ BRING MY GIFT TRULY YOURS
I BELIEVE IN YOU THIS IS STU ♪ ♪♪♪
♪ DEAR SANTA I NOTICE YOU NEVER
WROTE ME A LETTER BACK ♪ ♪ THAT'S FINE DOG
EXCEPT NOT REALLY I THINK THAT'S KIND OF WHACK ♪
♪ IF YOU CAN'T HELP YOUR BIGGEST
FAN THEN YOU SHOULD JUST RETIRE ♪
♪ OR NEXT TIME YOU SLIDE DOWN MY CHIMNEY
I'LL SET YOUR ASS ON FIRE ♪
♪ JUST PLAYING I STILL LOVE YOU
MY GIRL THINKS THAT I'M OBSESSED ♪
♪ I EVEN GOT A TATTOO OF YOUR NAME
ACROSS MY CHEST ♪ ♪ JUST BRING THAT PS5 BRO
IF IT'S THE ONLY THING YOU DO SINCERELY YOURS, STU ♪
♪ PS WE SHOULD LIVE TOGETHER TOO ♪
♪ STU IS WAITING FOR HIS SURPRISE
TO OPEN UP A PS5 ♪ ♪ HE JUST REALLY WANTS
TO PLAY ASSASIN'S CREED ON CHRISTMAS DAY ♪
♪ BUT HE CAN'T BUY IT TO OPEN UP A PS5 ♪
♪ HE JUST REALLY WANTS TO PLAY ASSASIN'S CREED
ON CHRISTMAS DAY ♪ ♪ BUT HE CAN'T BUY IT
HIMSELF BECAUSE HE LOST HIS JOB BECAUSE HE WAS STEALING
FROM HIS BOSS ♪ ♪ I'D BE WORRIED
HE'S A SCARY GUY, A SCARY GUY ♪ >> SPECIAL DELIVERY.
♪♪♪ ♪ DEAR MISTER HOLLY JOLLY
TWO-FACED SON OF A BITCH ♪ ♪ I HOPE YOU CRASH YOUR SLEIGH
AND WIND UP FACEDOWN IN A DITCH ♪
♪ I GUESS EVEN THE GREAT SAINT NICK
CAN'T TRACK DOWN A PS5 ♪ ♪ HEY SANTA I DRANK
A FIFTH OF EGGNOG DARE ME TO DRIVE ♪
♪ YOU RUINED CHRISTMAS I WISH I NEVER TOLD YOU
WHAT WAS ON MY WISHLIST ♪ ♪ SCREW YOU, YOUR ELVES
YOUR STUPID BEARD AND YOUR BITCH TITS ♪
♪ SO THIS'LL BE MY LAST LETTER
I KNOW YOU'LL MISS ME WHEN I'M GONE ♪
♪ SINCERELY YOURS STU
♪ LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, SIR ELTON JOHN ♪
♪ THIS YEAR'S CHRISTMAS WILL BE BAD
CAUSE SANTA CLAUS WILL BE ♪ ♪ HE ALREADY ASKED YOU
VERY NICELY AND NOW HE'S REALLY
PISSED OFF ♪ ♪ I'M JUST TELLING YOU
'CAUSE I LIKE YOU A LOT I'M A BIG FAN OF SANTA CLAUS ♪
♪ AND I ALSO WANT A PS5
A PS5 ♪
>> SANTA, THIS IS SERIOUS. >> DON'T PANIC.
DON'T PANIC. >> I'M FREAKING OUT!
[ SCREAMING ] >> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
I THINK IT'S TIME I WRITE A LETTER BACK TO STU.
♪ DEAR STU, I THINK YOU GOT THE WRONG ADDRESS
BRO ♪ ♪ I'M NOT SANTA CLAUS ♪
BYE-BYE. ♪♪♪
THAT'S CRAZY. A PS5?
I DIDN'T EVEN ASK FOR THIS. I GUESS SHADY MUST HAVE BEEN A
GOOD BOY THIS YEAR. SORRY, STU.
YOU [ BLEEP ] UP.