Hey guys, welcome back thanks for joining me for another video if you are new to my channel, my name is Stephanie
I am a life and relationship coach if you were a subscriber, welcome back. Thanks for joining me for a new video
So this week I want to get into
The fear of missing out. So FOMO. I want to talk about it
I want to talk about what are the symptoms and I want to also give you some tips to kind of really
Have you understand where this kind of comes from and help you to start working through it so you can overcome it
so this topic was actually brought to me by
Someone on YouTube they had wrote me and said, you know
I really love your insight on fear of missing out on phone well, and if you could give any tips
I would really appreciate it and I thought it was a great topic because in this day and age with social media and
The amount of access we have to everyone's lives
It's easy to kind of look at a facade and fear like you're missing out on something
So I want to give you some information on what exactly FOMO is
So FOMO is actually a real thing even though technically it's kind of a slang term. It's basically just anxiety
It's basically another form of anxiety. So for perhaps some people have social anxiety
This is kind of around social anxiety
But it's it kind of like I feel like it's in the middle between like anxiety depression
like all it's in that pool of all of that kind of stuff because really what it is is I
Am feeling that my life isn't exciting or I'm feeling like I need to get this high of this
You know
I'm looking at these people going to this party or going to this concert or living this life or having this relationship
And I don't have that myself
And so I fear that because I'm missing out on it that my life isn't good enough or I don't have that same
Happiness or excitement in my own life. So for a person that kind of has like a jam-packed schedule
They're always trying to do a million things
I mean there's a reason for that you could actually just be trying to kind of like fill voids
But for people that don't really like to make real plans
they don't like having to have a real commitment because there want to be able to kind of come and go as they please and
Jump into this party and then go to that event and all of that stuff
um
Really?
what all of those things are doing is they're giving you a high to really fill a little bit of a void as to what's
Going on way deep inside so you might get an insecurity when you have FOMO that other people are having something and you're not
Included in it. And so then we kind of go into more of that like I'm not enough
I'm not good enough what's wrong with me type of things?
So for example if there's a party going on and you can get invited you might have a little bit of FOMO
Because perhaps you want to be at that party and have those
fun feelings that those people you perceive are having right or it could actually go into a little bit of kind of like
Self-loathing in terms of what's wrong with me? Why didn't I get invited?
um
So it kind of hits that
insecurity core within you
If FOMO is kind of activated by something that's going on whether it's a party or an event or something
you see on social media when actually where FOMO really comes from is that
Insecurity is that lack on a deep psychological level?
It comes from that desire to really have connection with people now
We all have an ability within ourselves to want to connect with others. We're human
That's what we're actually put here to do right is to connect with others to have relationships, etc
But there's a difference between that being a healthy thing. That's normal and a part of being a human being
versus it being a little bit of a I don't want to say disability, but
Really a problem where it's not
Emotionally and mentally healthy to want that much connection because then you're avoiding the connection with yourself
So I've known plenty of people where they say, you know, I'm a people person
I'm a people person and of course, there are some people that are introverts and extroverts
People that love social interaction some people that don't really love it that much and it's not good or bad
It's just the way people are
But it becomes a problem when your sense of who you are your happiness
Termen by that interaction with other people and you never can kind of be by yourself and that's where I would tend to see this
Dynamic in certain people that I've known personally
Is their inability to also kind of sit with themselves and be by themselves?
So if you are not able to do that, and you constantly need that stimulation from outside, that's a problem
now the reason why this deep connection
Needs to happen, right and when it doesn't happen, we have that fear. We have that fear of missing out or possibly it's triggering that
Insecurity what's wrong with me?
Why didn't I get invited? Why is this not happening in my life, etc?
Core that's being hit but let's say that's not the core that's being hit. It's just this need to kind of
Stay connected to other people
that desire
Really stems from on a deep psychological level of that person
growing up in environments where their emotional or psychological needs were not being met so when they weren't being met
They grow up to be adults or teenagers or whatever where they're craving that interaction. They're craving
their ability to kind of to connect with people
now the problem with this is that a lot of times that connection that they're really
Searching for is a surface level connection, right?
because if
if there's an event going on if there's a party going on and I want to be around I want to go because I want
That interaction with people and it's something that I'm craving
You having an interaction at a party where you're being social are probably?
Normal, you know social interactions on those kind of levels are going to be a little bit more surface level versus you wanting
That interaction with just one person
So a lot of times the FOMO that people have is just this need
To be a part of something and so if I'm a part of something and it's just almost like that
Tribal instinct that we have as humans to want to connect in
You know to connect with others if that need to be a part of something. So now when I want to stay connected
With what other people are doing and what's going on with other people and be connected to these groups and these events
That means that on some level. I actually don't know how to soothe myself. I don't know how to be with myself
I don't know how to create my own life
I don't know how to create my own happiness that I'm on some level
Codependent to someone else giving me all of those highs whether it's an event whether it's a group of people, etc
now on that psychological level if I feel or I perceive whether it's on social media or
Whatever that everyone's having a good time
And I'm not that's gonna cause feelings of perhaps moodiness depression even more anxiety
low self-esteem
You know low confidence
Etc. So if you don't even recognize like hey like at times I have FOMO like I get this like
insecurity or anxiety about possibly not being a part of something or
Thinking and then I'm gonna miss this like great
Event or this great thing and that just by sitting at home
Like that's not gonna give me the same high that I would get if I was just out
Doing something then, you know
you're really trying to just fill some voids because you have to be able to also be alone and
Enjoy that space as well. Of course. We all want to always be
You know happy happy happy and having the best time ever
But we can also experience real fulfillment in our day-to-day lives when we're just doing like mundane things
so it's not about
It's not about the event or the thing of the group of people and seeing this as being way on this pedestal and us trying
to get to that level you can get that same high just from living life and
You know doing these little things day in and day out. So I think it's more of learning how to really love yourself
It's number one recognizing that you have it and that you have these types of anxieties. It's working on self parenting
It's working on that inner dialogue
It's worth an on reframing
Now reframing is just a fancy way of saying hey whenever I'm thinking something
Crappy or some part of some negative thought some lack thought is being able to switch it and turn it into something positive
And a lot of the times you're not turning something
Into a positive statement and faking it or making something up that positive
Statement is really your logical side talking versus your emotional wounded side
Creating that negative conversation that you might be having like. Oh look at them
They're probably having a great time and I didn't get invited
And what was me?
you can make your own fun and
Enjoy yourself wherever you are who your ever whoever you're with whatever you're doing versus always
Perceiving that there's something better around the corner
So if FOMO is something that you really really struggle with there's a couple things that you really should work on in order to start
Overcoming this number one, like I said recognize when FOMO starts showing up
so if you didn't get invited somewhere or if you think that you know
everyone's having a good time doing this and you're alone and you don't have that whether it's relationship or an experience or a ticket to
You know the Bahamas or whatever it is, whatever you start to come from that lack place
You have to be able to number one spot it and recognize when that tape starts playing
I always say like the way to really heal anything is to recognize. Okay here I go
I'm indulging in this fear of missing out. I'm indulging in this anxiety
I'm indulging in this worry number two is trying to kind of pinpoint also
Like what are the triggers is that you not being invited somewhere is that you perceiving that someone else has something that you really want?
So kind of is it when you go on social media and use and you see people that you know live in the best life
Ever and perhaps you feel like your life sucks and it's not up to par
So kind of figure out okay, where are my triggers don't avoid the triggers
I always say, you know people would say don't go on social media as much then I think that's actually wrong
I think you need to just find what are your triggers and
Face that fear because that is that trigger is there to teach you to overcome whatever
insecurities, whatever negative self-talk that you're indulged in and
Overcome this so you can actually heal it
So the more kind of avoid things it doesn't help you to become
Healthier and be able to take care of yourself mentally and emotionally
I think a lot of the times when we get these types of anxieties, like I said
It comes from that lack place that comes from that place of feeling like well
My life sucks and I don't have that and that's not an empowering place to live
so if you didn't get invited somewhere if you
Think that someone has something and you want that thing
You also have to be able to take a step back and see logic and understand when of their smoke and mirrors, you know
We're on social media and we're seeing everyone living their best life
We don't see anything of what other people are striving struggling with in terms of their own insecurities now
That's not my way of saying. Hey, let's focus on you know, someone really struggling so we can make ourselves feel better
I think it's just a way of kind of making everyone human and that everyone has their own stop their own
Insecurities the things that they're working on etc
And also trying to not live in a victim state of letting get invited to this
well
I'm not going to that and I am all alone on Tuesday night and this person's doing this
Don't come from that victim state and instead create your own happiness. That's the that's the part that's self empowering
That's the part that actually has real power
So don't be a victim
and begin creating the like that you actually want so if there's a party and you didn't get invited guess what call a bunch of
People that you know aren't going as well
And create a fun night with you and those people so I always say at least I did this for myself, you know
Especially when I was going through a divorce and I became single again
Was I could easily have looked at everyone in my life and say well everyone's married and I'm not and well this person's doing this
Or whatever, but instead I said you know what?
I'm just trying to live like the best day ever and that's all I can really do
So if you perceive everyone to be having a good time doing something else and you're not at that event
Or with those people like make your own fun like make your own life like create your own life. Don't be so
Victimized by something that it lets you, you know you let it take over your day in your mood
So being mindful again of your thoughts learning how to reframe
Recognizing, okay
Here comes the negative self-talk that I always kind of indulge in being able to parent yourself being able to empower yourself to say
Okay, I didn't get invited to the party but I don't care. I actually really wanted to go see this movie
So maybe now is a time that I can go see that movie
Let's see if you know anyone's around that wants to go with me
And if no one's around then I'm alone on Tuesday night, and that's not the worst thing ever
So just kind of being mindful and more in the moment of your life will really start creating happiness because it's not the event
It's not the group of people. It's just you being mindful of every single moment that you're living and
Living in every single moment because that is actually where your happiness is
So I hope you have enjoyed this video. If you did don't forget to give it a thumbs up
Please comment down below on any topics that you would like me to do in the future
I love reading all of your comments
If you are interested in learning more about my 9 week program that I have now on my website
I will link that down below. It's all about emotional healing
It's all about really learning how to heal everything you've been through and why is this important?
because we all have stuff and this is the stuff that actually
Influences our entire lives. So if you are looking for more information, I will link it down below
Like I said, and I will see you next time