The way you and my dad had
this idea
of how we would be
brought up was obviously different
because everybody thinks differently
when it comes in terms to parenting. - Right.
And I think it was definitely hard.
But even when there was stuff like that,
like the small arguments
or disagreements,
you guys were best friends again
in an hour. - Yeah.
We've learned, you know.
And that's how I get along to your Dad, too.
I guess I'll let the secret out.
Say what you want.
Just get out and you're okay
in 10 minutes.
How have I
surprised you with
my approach to parenting?
Hmm.
Wow.
I think that
there's-
There's-
You can be no further away
from understanding something
than you are
from understanding parenthood,
and you become a parent.
It's just that simple.
And I feel like
I remember
all of the things that we said, no,
we're going to do this
and we're going to do that.
And this is clearly going to be
the way that we're going to do this.
Oh, the mighty have fallen.
We're not going to do this that way.
And this will be the way that we do that.
And
I mean, I think it
falls on both of our shoulders.
But I certainly look to you
for a lot of guidance around
your intuition as a mother, because
I believe it's in your DNA
and I've watched you do it.
I watched you do it with child birthing.
I watched you do with child rearing.
And we have an amazing daughter.
And so I guess
one of the biggest surprises is
just how differently we're doing things
versus what
we said we were going to do
when we were in that
place of completely having no idea
what it was going
to be like to have a kid.
What's the hardest thing
about being my mother
that I might may not
realize?
Trying to parent as a mom and a dad.
You know,
even though being successful
as a single mom,
there are things that one would think
that a woman can teach a man.
But I really try to encompass like if I-
because I had a dad,
even though I'm not- even though I'm a girl.
But from other friends,
you know, male friends that were fathers
like what they were teaching their sons
or what I knew about them
that I needed to be telling you about.
You know, like
understanding that
one day you're going to go ‘pling’,
you know, it was gonna happen. - Oh my God.
And, you know, like,
how do you like explain
that when you’re a woman and you're,
you know, you're a little boy or,
you know
how to handle a girl on a date,
you know where- it will be
a guy conversation.
Versus me telling, you know,
you're supposed to open the door for her,
you know, or things like that.
But that's the challenge.
What is one experience
you wish I never had?
Well, that one’s easy.
Really?
When- when-
when you were going into labor
and __________ was born,
and- ‘cause we had this conversation
and you said
that you felt like I wasn't really there there.
Like,
there for you as much as I-
I guess I could have been.
Yeah, but you also didn't know.
I mean, it was.
It was both of our first child.
Yeah, I know, but, um...
I didn't even know.
So, I mean, for me,
that would be one thing
that I would try to
if I could go back and to improve.
I'm not a woman,
so I don't really know exactly
like what you were going through.
But I know that
there's things that I
could have done better to make...
to make that
process a lot smoother.
That's nice.
I appreciate you saying that.
But I mean, at least
now I know
for like the second child, like,
I guess I have an idea
of what I'm supposed to do and and
and how to make that, that time
easier for you.
What is the biggest sacrifice
you have made
I haven't acknowledged?
I want to say motherhood.
Mm hmm.
I think I feel like
that's the only thing I can think of.
Fresh.
Yeah, because
I'm like,
if this happens again, I'm not gonna do nothing.
Because I feel like
it’s your turn.
I’m ot doing nothing.
You better go grow a breast
because you're going to do breastfeed too,
because I'm not doing anything
for the next child. If it happens.
That's just how I feel.
But
I guess if I was to
explain why I think that...
because motherhood is like
I guess it's more natural...
or parenting,
I should say, because motherhood is like one.
I think it's more natural
for the woman to do it.
Mm hmm.
But it's- it's
just a lot from the changes in your body
to the weight
gain to, you know, the hormonal imbalance
and then,
you know, getting used to a newborn.
Mm hmm.
It's been really hard.
A lot of that stuff.
I know that I'm hard on myself, too.
But that's definitely something
I'm like, Oh, no.
Like,
I feel like
sometimes I feel alone in that, you know?
But I know I'm
not alone.
But it doesn't stop the feeling of it
doesn't stop feeling, like,
resentful sometimes or
angry.
What are you hesitant
to ask me?
Hmm...
You ask me a lot.
You share a lot.
But there's got to be something.
Something came to mind.
Yeah.
What was your first time like?
Oh, my gosh.
Okay. So.
Okay.
Yeah,
I can see why
you're hesitant to ask that.
Okay. Yeah.
So I'm not going to answer that.
Well, wow.
So I feel like that is a question that,
like, we're going away somewhere
special for the weekend, just you and I,
and then we're, like,
sipping on your favorite tea or
raspberry zinger tea, hot tea.
And we're like, have this through with the beach.
Of course we need the beach somewhere.
Like, we go to Barbados or, um... or Bahamas,
and we are away
and then we have just our time.
So you can ask me then when we go.
Okay? Yeah.
But now I know.
Yeah. Cool.
What do you find most beautiful
about my love?
That it’s
completely judgment free.
And that when you love people
you love with your whole heart.
And when you love
somebody I've witnessed firsthand,
not only with me,
but with your kids and with my dad
and with my brother,
that when- when you love somebody,
that you do love them
with everything you have in you
and you will go to any extent
to make sure that the people
that you love feel held
and feel comfortable around you,
which I think is really important.
I think there's a lot of parents
out there
that completely missed that mark
and they don't have any care
about the way
that the people in their lives
look at them.
And I feel like you've always with me
and my brother
and with all your kids and my dad
and my mom made sure that we knew
that you loved us
more than anything,
and that even if you were
tough on us sometimes,
or if you were hurting
and you weren't exactly
sure how to deal with it,
that it didn't rub off on us.
I think that it's beautiful
that when you love people,
you love them completely
and you don't judge them.
And if you do, you're not.
You're not mean about it.
I want you to tell
me if I'm being an idiot
and you do, which I appreciate.
I don’t think you’re an idiot.
When do you feel closest to me?
Um, I think I always feel
close to you.
But I feel like right now
is going to be a different experience,
a bonding experience.
Yeah.
Because now
you're going to become a mother.
So it's like I'm helping you,
I guess, in a way, in...
you're going to experience
similar things
I've experienced and gone through
when being pregnant,
and it's something you're going to
understand now,
because I can tell you
how it is all at once,
but now you're going
to be physically going through it.
So yeah.
I feel closest to you.
I think for like a long period
we didn't really like
open up to each other
and you know, but I feel like before that
and after that, like
especially recently, like
you tell me things where it's like,
I don't see you
as just my mom, this like
invincible person, you know?
But I see you as like, okay,
this is somebody who
has emotions and
feelings and
is still like learning things.
So I would say right now I feel closest to you.
Okay.