Heya playa, do you ever find it difficult to socialize at school?
To make new friends and to feel comfortable just being yourself around others?
Fitting in is not the easiest thing to do but there are three practical solutions you could
start using right now to feel more comfortable and confident in any interaction you have
and to actually get the people at your school to like you back.
Let me walk you through what they are.
Just a little bit of backstory first, when I was in middle school,
high school, and even in college, I had core groups of friends that
I could feel comfortable talking to interacting with just being myself.
But, whenever I was in a situation where my friends just weren't there,
man I was like a fish out of water.
I didn't know who to talk to, I didn't speak up,
I just kind of fell into the background totally trying to hide myself from everyone.
I thought people would think I was weird and make fun of me so I never tried to sit
with anyone new at lunch and I never tried to socialize with anyone new in my classes.
Instead of trying to fit in, I was trying to pull away.
I was trying to just disappear and hope no one
noticed me and there was a major problem with that.
The real issue I ran into was that I felt like I was alone.
I felt like I had no one to talk to, no one to open up to and share things with.
A major part of fitting in is feeling like there are people there that care
about you and understand you they want to see you succeed.
Now, that's not going to be everyone at your school
and you shouldn't really aim for that to be the case.
There are going to be people that just don't care about you, people that you don't
want to know more about you, and people that you're just not interested in.
Doing that weeding out process is important because you don't want to
spend time getting closer to people that ultimately are not going to accept you.
And I think you know right off the bat who those people are so we can
cross them off the list and really focus on the people that you want to get closer to.
Tip number one is to ask people about their interests.
Everyone's favorite topic is themselves.
They love to talk about the things that they like.
They love to share details, they love to share
emotions and expressions about those things so be willing to hear them out.
Be willing to ask deeper questions and let them dive into their hobbies and their interests.
"So what do you like to do for fun?"
"Well, I'm a huge gamer. I play it all. Call of Duty, Fortnite, you name it."
"Really? That's awesome! I'm not much of a gamer myself but what
got you into video games? What was the first video game you started playing?"
"Oh, that's a really good question. I'd say
the first video game I probably played was Super Mario Sunshine."
"Oh I've never heard of that one but what do you like most about it?"
"I don't know, I guess it was just my introduction
into video games it was the first one I played and from then I was hooked."
A lot of times we think the only way that we can fit in is by liking the exact same things
and doing the exact same things as other people but the truth is that's not always the case.
We can give people space to open up and share about the things that they like and in turn,
they're going to be more accepting of us because they're going to see that we care.
We genuinely care about them, hearing their stories and learning about their interests.
The one thing that all of us have in common is the deep need to feel seen and heard.
Look, I'm not much of a big video gamer myself but I can have long conversations
with people about it because I see the passion in their eyes.
I'm willing to hear and learn about those interesting video games, the plot lines,
the characters because it just sounds fun for them.
And no, I don't think you should subject yourself to boring conversations that you
don't care anything about just to feel like you fit in better.
If you stumble on something that you're just not interested in it's
okay to shift gears to talk about something else.
Maybe reference something else that was mentioned in the past,
maybe ask them for their opinion on something new that you're interested in.
The whole key here is to allow that person to feel seen and heard
and in turn for you to also feel more comfortable sharing what you like.
And that leads to tip number two which is to find a community at your school or create one.
Chances are there are people at your school that have the
same type of nerdy interest or geek out over the same things.
It's just a matter of finding them, interacting with them, and
working towards building a bigger group.
I'm a huge WWE fan, in case you didn't know, and back when I was in middle school me and
my friends would always meet up at lunch and talk about what happened on Raw and Smackdown.
We'd talk about our favorite wrestlers who won matches, who should win matches,
who should be champion, but when I got into high school my close group of friends didn't
really care about wrestling at all so I had to find different things to connect with them over.
Different hobbies and interests that can bring us together.
If I really wanted to find friends in high school that also liked wrestling the best
thing I could have done would have been to form a club because I knew that there were
other kids that also had those same passions but maybe they were in similar boats as me.
Maybe their close group of friends also didn't like
it so the wrestling community in high school didn't really find each other.
"Did you see the latest episode of Falcon and The Winter Soldier? Oh my god,
I can't believe what happened!"
"I couldn't help but overhear you talking about Falcon and Winter Soldier, is that right?"
"Oh yeah yeah um I was just talking to my friend about it. Are you a Marvel fan too?"
"Am I a Marvel fan? Am I a Marvel fan?? Of course, I'm a Marvel fan! Dude,
I have a Discord where all we do is talk about all the Marvel shows and
movies. You guys gotta join! You guys are gonna love it on there."
"Yeah definitely man, send us the link!"
Nowadays it's a whole lot easier to find communities based around things that you like.
There are Discord channels, Amino groups, Instagram group chats
and I'm sure there are a lot of people in your high school that are part of these things
so pay more attention to conversations that are happening around you.
Insert yourself if you can and let those people know that you have similar interests.
You'll see how welcoming people are when they realize that you also like the same sports team,
you also like the same movie series, you also like the same things that they do.
And one important thing to remember here is that just because you like something
that maybe no one else at your school does, that doesn't make you a weirdo.
Look, you're gonna run into situations where you
find very few people that have those same interests.
That's okay, maybe the next best thing instead of looking at school to fit in is to find online
communities or to go to events and gatherings of people that like the same things you do.
I'm a huge fan of cosplaying which is to dress up
as different characters from tv shows and movies that you like.
But back when I was in college,
my friends thought it was the weirdest thing to be around me whenever I was dressing up in costumes.
Yet every single year when a convention came around called ICON,
I would meet all these other people that loved cosplaying as much as I do.
I found a community that expressed the same interest as me
and that's where I felt like I fit in.
Didn't always have to be around my close friends over that specific interest but
I had a community here that met once a year that I can kind of be myself there.
And that leads to tip number three which is perhaps the most important one,
be friendly and welcoming to all people.
I understand you probably want to get closer to a certain group at your school.
Maybe it's the popular kids, maybe the kids that are more attractive,
maybe it's a sports team, who knows.
But if you're someone that's going to shun and ridicule and make fun of and
criticize other people just to feel like you fit in more, you're doing it wrong.
Remember what I said before that each of us has this deep desire to be understood for who we
are, well that extends from the most popular kids to the least popular kids.
To the kids that fit in with ease and to the kids that really struggle with it.
No matter where you think you are on the totem pole, no one should be treated above or below you.
We all have our own thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
So the same way that you really want to fit in and be accepted by others offer that to someone else.
Offer it to someone that you see actually struggling.
Be willing to hear them out and make them feel understood because
wouldn't it feel good if someone offered that to you sometime?
"Hey man, I saw you sitting by yourself at the table there. We
have an empty spot if you want to come join us."
"Oh sure yeah um I I I guess so but... you know I forget forget it. I'm probably going
to annoy you guys or something like that and you guys are going to think i'm annoying."
"No man, don't worry about it. Hey, I noticed you're drawing sketches of My
Little Pony is that one of your favorite shows?"
"Oh, these? no-no forget it, man. I no I don't like My Little Pony.
I was just I was just making fun of it. That's for girls man, that's for girls."
"Nah dude, don't worry about it. I mean I've never seen it so I don't really know much about
the show but those drawings are badass. What do you like about the show anyway?"
"Oh, really you think so? Well, this one's called Rainbow Dash. Let me tell you about Rainbow Dash."
"Rainbow dash is a cool name. All right, come sit with us and tell me all about it."
The one fact I've learned over the years is that if you're the kind of person that
is kind and open and understanding of others, people want to be around you.
They enjoy the positive energy that you bring.
They know that you're not going to judge them for who they are.
You're willing to hear them out, to see the things that they like, to see them as an individual.
And a lot of times when people try to fit in that individuality gets lost.
They end up sacrificing a bit of themselves and shun
other people that they could potentially be friends with just to get accepted by
this holy group that they think is so much cooler than everyone else.
But ultimately it's the people that are the most welcoming that
are best preparing themselves for the real world.
As you get older you're going to meet people that think differently that challenge your
beliefs that come from different backgrounds so the more tolerant you can be in understanding
different ideas and thoughts and feelings, the easier it's going to be for you to
fit in because you're going to have more people to fin with and you're not going to box yourself
into a certain criteria that people must meet in order for you to get connected to them.
Recognize your worth.
Know that you have what it takes to be somebody great.
There is a community out there that is willing to love you,
accept you, and acknowledge you for who you are.
Don't settle for less.
On that note, I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.