-Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show," everyone.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well, guys, yesterday, The White House
had a press briefing, and they announced that
they reached out to North Korea to restart nuclear talks
but had not heard back.
At first, I thought the reason for the lack of response
might be that Kim Jong-Un uses a fax machine,
but then I remembered Biden does, too, so...
Well, hours after The White House said
it hadn't received a response from North Korea,
Kim Jong-Un's sister made a statement.
Listen to this.
-This new warning to the Biden administration.
She says...
-Ooh!
-Okay! [ Laughter ]
-Okay.
Yeah, nice try, North Korea, but we're America.
We haven't slept well for the past five years, so...
Seriously, only four years without sleep
sounds like a bargain.
Also, I like that Kim Jong-Un
had his sister deliver the message.
It's like North Korea's version of,
"I heard a noise in America.
Go check it out."
Oh, and here's some big news.
According to U.S. intelligence, Russia and Iran
tried to interfere with the 2020 election.
Biden's like, "Well, whatever you did, thanks, fellas."
Yeah.
This is pretty rough news for Trump.
It's like losing in Little League
and then finding out your dad bribed the ump.
Right now, Putin and the ayatollah are on a couch
like a Nora Ephron movie.
[ Russian accent ] We met hacking the election.
He wanted to hack ballots.
I wanted to hack Twitter.
And we've been together ever since.
Well, some business news here.
I saw that Mountain Dew is releasing
a new sugar-free soda called Frost Bite Zero Sugar.
Here's a photo.
Yeah, something tells me that if you're drinking
a neon-blue drink called Frost Bite,
you're not that worried about the sugar content.
Meanwhile, I saw that Heinz just launched
three new combo condiments called
Hanch, Wasabioli, and Tarchup.
-Yes!
-When asked how they came up with these, Heinz was like,
"We got draked -- drunk and baked."
I'm actually trying to be a little healthier,
so I'm waiting for Tarchup Zero.
That's right -- there are three new combo condiments.
There's Tarchup, which is tartar sauce and ketchup,
Hanch, which is hot sauce and ranch,
and Wasabioli, which is wasabi and aioli.
They're funny names, but some of the other combos
they tried didn't really work out.
For example, they tried combining
balsamic and hot sauce and got...
Then they combined oil, aioli, and mayo and got...
And, finally, they combined beef gravy, Italian dressing,
and Greek yogurt in a wok with barbecue sauce and got...
I mean, that's...
This is interesting.
A new study found that almost 80% of Manhattan office workers
will not return to their workplace full time
once their office reopens.
Yep, 80% are happy that they won't return to their workplace,
while the other 20% are parents.
"I'll be back in 15 hours.
You guys know how to tuck yourselves in, right?
Cool. See ya."
Yeah, bosses are already trying to get people to come back.
They're like, "Come on.
There's free Hanch in the kitchen."
It sort of makes sense.
It's basically, "Do I want my three-bedroom office
with a private bathroom
or do I want to share a cubicle with Frank,
the guy in the office who burns microwave popcorn?"
[ Chuckles ]
There's someone here that does that.
I forget who it is.
I'll find out. I always smell it.
Is that you, Quest? -Yeah.
-I go, "Come on, man.
If you're gonna do it, just make -- Just stop it.
You know, I know you'll waste 10 kernels.
Just don't --"
"I got to push all the way.
Got to get all those kernels popped."
You ruined it, burned it, and the whole office smells like it.
-2 minutes and 37 seconds. I got it to a science.
-No way, man. No, no.
I'm sensor pop all the way, man. -Sensor pop?
-Yeah, man. You got to do it by the sensors.
You type "popcorn sensor," and it shuts off automatically.
-It does? -Yeah.
-I got to try that. -It totally works.
You know how they do it? -How do they do it?
-What do you think? Any guesses?
-Um, I would guess that it's, like -- It's an audio thing.
Like, it's -- Once, you know --
But you're talking microwave oven, right?
-Correct.
-Once the microwave, like, no longer hears
the popping sound or, you know, once the pops are a certain,
you know, distance apart or amount of time apart,
then it shuts down.
-Because you think it slows -- the popping slows down to --
-I know the popping slows down as the popcorn --
That's -- Here's what we know.
[ Laughter ]
When you cook some popcorn... -Uh-huh.
-...the closer it is to being completely done,
the less it's gonna pop, because, you know,
the kernels have already popped.
But there may be some strays, you know.
-You got a couple strays there, which totally
debunks your theory, so, no, you're wrong, unfortunately.
-Uh, I don't know. Okay. How's it work?
-Uh, uh...steam.
-Ah! -There you go, everybody.
[ Laughter ]
-And now back to the show.
[ Bell dings ] -Speaking of...
Speaking of working from home,
there's a new app for Zoom users.
Check this out.
-The Zoom Escaper app.
It allows Zoom users to sabotage their own calls
with sound effects, like a crying baby.
You can also make it seem as if you have a bad connection.
-Yeah. That's right -- an app that will make it seem like
your Zoom has technical difficulties.
So, basically, these guys invented Zoom.
And, finally, some news for Mega Millions players.
Watch this.
-An unclaimed Mega Millions ticket
purchased last year is set to expire tomorrow.
The winning ticket was bought in Rhode Island
on St. Patrick's Day 2020.
It's worth $1 million, and the rightful owner
has less than 24 hours to accept the lump sum.
-You know last March, a guy left the ticket in his office
next to a half-eaten sandwich, thinking,
"I'll take care of this tomorrow."