- Nicole Kidman was on the show.
Did you see that?
I mean, so Nicole Kidman--
turns out she thought she was going on a date with you.
- [laughs] Yeah, no.
This is honestly another thing--
I--I'm really embarrassed about this.
So--but this is like therapy, so this is--feels good.
I can talk to you guys about this.
- Good.
- I had Nicole Kidman--
my friend called me and said, "Dude, what are you doing?"
I go, "I'm walking home." - How long ago was this?
Before you were married, obviously.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This was 2002, I'm gonna say?
Right before I met my wife in 2004.
So, 2002, I'm single,
but I don't think about this remotely as my chances of date--
so I think she was named "Most Beautiful Person" that year.
So this is beyond my-- so, anyway,
my friend called and says, "I have Nicole Kidman with me.
She wants to meet you, and I think it's about a movie."
"Bewitched," she was about to make.
And I go, "Oh, yeah."
Well, she ended up making it with Will Ferrell,
and it was great and whatever.
So I go, "Okay, great.
Well, where do you want to meet?"
He goes, "We'll come to your apartment."
I go, "Oh, my God, you're gonna bring
Nicole Kidman to my apartment?"
Like, this is--
"Uh, okay, uh, what do I--what do I put out?
I don't know what to do."
So my friend goes, "Go get some cheese and crackers."
I go, "Cheese and crackers?"
I mean, like, I'm seriously living the bachelor life.
I have sneakers and video games all over my house.
I don't know what's going on, so I go,
"What--what kind of cheese?"
I'm walking into a deli.
He goes, "Some Brie or something."
I go, "What is Brie cheese?
I don't even know what that is."
So I go-- he goes, "I got to go."
So I'm going, and I go, "Do you have Brie cheese?"
I really don't know what it is.
So I get a thing of-- I go to this aisle,
I get Brie cheese and saltine crackers, and--
[laughter]
And I go, and I--
I don't know anything about cheese and crackers.
I don't even have a cracker plate.
So I put the cheese on a normal dinner plate,
and I had the saltines, but I-- I'll never forget this--
- Saltines.
- I peeled it back almost like a disco '70s shirt
where you just-- I peeled it back
so it was kind of a little showy,
a little glamorous, and like--
- It was still in the sleeve? - Yeah, yeah.
Still in the sleeve. [both laugh]
And I feathered out the crackers so it was classy.
And-- and I totally remember this.
And so Nicole Kidman's coming on my show,
and I called my friend, and I go,
"Dude, Nicole Kidman's coming on.
"You remember when you brought her to my house,
and I was so embarrassed, and I had"--
And he goes--he goes, "Yeah, yeah.
That'll be fun. Tell her I said hi."
I go, "Great." She's so nice.
Comes on, I'm telling this story
just like this, and she goes,
"The reason why I was there wasn't because
I wanted you for the movie."
I go, "Huh?"
She goes, "No, I liked you," or something.
And I was like, "Wait, what happened?
Wait, wait, wait." [laughter]
"Wait, did I-- are you saying that we--
we basically-- we went on a date?"
And then she goes, "Yeah, it was terrible."
[laughter] And I go, "Oh, my gosh."
And so I'm starting to get red,
because I was ready to tell my embarrassing story,
but then it got a little bit too real.
She's like, "Then you started playing video games."
And so I go, "All right, now--
now you're getting a little bit too close to the bone."
Like, now it's like--yeah. But it all worked out.
She's obviously happy with Keith Urban,
and I'm lucky-- I lucked out.
I have the best wife in the whole wide world.
I love her.