I told you he would come!
(wait!)
You could die!
At least tell me your name.
It's not who I am underneath.
But what I do that defines me.
Bruce?
No.
Oh my god, you totally are Bruce.
What?
No way.
Okay, well that whole "what I do that defines me" thing,
I said that to Bruce three days ago and told no one else, so...
That would mean you're Bruce.
You're being crazy.
How could I be Bruce Wayne?
See, I didn't even say Wayne.
I-I just said Bruce.
Oh, I saw Bruce... Wayne at the bank.
And he told me about your conversation.
Oh, you guys hang out?
Yeah.
Bruce Wayne is... kinda the coolest.
Oh really?
You should go out with him. He's free Friday--
[Commissioner] Ms. Dawes, thank god you're safe.
Commissioner, you're not gonna believe this.
What, Bruce Wayne is Batman?
What?!
Come on!
Wait, you knew that?
It's, like, super obvious.
Disappears for a bunch of years, comes back, he's in incredible shape.
Well that totally makes sense, because one time when we were kids
I saw him get thrashed by bats.
No.
Get this, I was just driving in the Batmobile, like, tank thing? (Yeah?)
I look in the glovebox, and it's registered to Bruce Wayne! [laughs]
That is baloney!
Batman gave me a periscope the other night and it said "Wayne Enterprises" on it.
[both laugh and talk at same time] I mean... what is that? Hello? I mean, hello?
Oh!
This'll...
This'll clear things up!
There's Bruce Wayne, just behind you!
Turn, and let's put this paranoia to rest.
Just... turn around?
[both] Okay. Okay.
[Commisioner] Yup. Don't see him. Guess we'll just turn back around.
[Batman] Don't turn around!
Wait! Wait!
(let me know!) Don't turn!
Okay, now you can!
[Normal voice] Hi.
Rachel, Commissioner Gordon.
I was just...
Water skiing.
From a hovercraft.
You know, doing reckless, billionare type stuff like I do--
Still have your eye makeup on.
Hm?
No.
This... I was...
I was... uh, hit.
In the face.
These are black eyes.
I've been fighting crime--no.
Not... that.
Irregardless.
Rachel, my childhood friend, and... Gordon?
Is that it? For we've never once met?
I'm not the Batman.
I'm Bruce Wayne.
So, the city's being sprayed with fear gas and you came here just to tell us you're not Batman.
That's perfect.
That is perfectly put. And you-- and you know who can confirm it?
Oh, right-- right there!
Right-- right behind you, it's Batman!
[still normal voice] Bruce Wayne is right guys.
He's NOT Batman.
Wrong voice.
[Batman voice] My mistake!
[Batman voice] I don't know what I have to do to prove to you that I'm not--
Wearing the tux.
[normal voice] Shit.
[normal voice] I can see how you might think we're the same person, but... [laughs nervously]
I'm wearing the cape, aren't I?
Yes.
[normal voice] Look! Here we are! Two completely separate people!
Hey Batman!
[Batman voice] Hey, how's it going?
[normal voice] Ha ha ha!
How are you, Batman?
[Batman voice] I'm doing real good.
Just spending my day...
Not being Bruce Wayne.
[sarcastically] Well.
I'm convinced.
[normal voice] If we were the same person, could I do this?
Hey Batman, how was your day?
[Batman voice] Pretty good. I was at-- [gurgling noises]
[coughs]
[Batman voice] I was down, just at-- [gurgling noises]
[Batman voice] And then the Riddler, he came in and-- [gurgling noises]
[Batman voice] Clayface.
Admit it, you're Batman.
Look, we can go on and on about who or who isn't the vigilante Batman,
but I think it's about time we considered the fact that the Batman
is actually a half-man, half-bat who doesn't even have a secret identity.
Batman...
gave this glove to me.
Because you guys hang out?
Yes we do.
He's kinda the coolest.
He said we should go out sometime!