I'm just--I'm a little bit of, like, a pansy square
and my writers are always trying to get me
to do edgier jokes, but I just--
I don't know if I trust them and I'm scared,
so check this out. Here's what we're going to do.
I'm going to give them a chance.
My writers are here. Hello, what's up?
What's up?
- [laughs] - What's up, Lilly?
- Okay. Here's the deal.
I'm going to decide in this segment
whether or not I trust my writers.
We're gonna call this "Pushing the Envelope."
[upbeat music]
So basically what has happened is my writers have written
the setup to jokes on the front of these envelopes.
I've never seen them. I have no idea what they say.
I'm gonna read it and decide, do I trust my writers?
And will I continue reading the joke,
or do I fear they're gonna get me cancelled
and you'll just never hear the joke?
However, if I'm a scaredy-cat, which I probably will be,
I have to spin the Wheel of Consequences.
That's--that's the name we're going with, right?
Okay, cool. I've never seen these either.
So I have no idea what any of these say.
But we'll see who still has a job after this.
Shall we start?
All right, let's read the first setup.
[clears throat]
"What's the difference between Americans and The Smurfs?"
I am completely fine reading this.
I'm not even hesitating a little bit.
As a Canadian, I am all for this.
So, "What's the difference between Americans
and The Smurfs?"
"When they say, 'Blue Lives Matter,' it isn't racist."
[laughter]
Yo, that's sick. Who wrote that?
Was it one of you that wrote that?
- Sabeeh, Sabeeh. - Sabeeh, you wrote that?
Sabeeh, you're wild. Look at you, you're crazy!
Look at you.
You and your effing pink polo.
"Did Chris Brown ever win
the best male R&B vocalist Grammy?"
I'm gonna go for this one.
♪
"No, he only beats women."
- Oh! [laughter]
- I support women!
You are evil, all of you. Look at your faces.
Yours--you're so happy. Look at you, Sabeeh.
You're so happy.
- Lilly, we're punching up just like Chris Brown did.
♪
[laughter]
- Y'all going straight to hell.
Next one. [clears throat]
"What did"--oh, no. [laughs]
"What did Malala think was the toughest subject at school?"
I absolutely do not trust my writers with this.
There is not a part of me.
I refuse to make fun of Malala.
I cannot make jokes about Malala.
I will spin the wheel. You will never hear this joke.
I'm spinning the wheel. Here we go.
[wheel clicks]
Okay.
"Mystery bucket."
First of all, I just don't understand
how y'all kept all these secrets from me
when I'm literally walking through the house
all day doing production.
What is this buck--
what the eff is this?
- Take your hand.
Dip it in and just feel around, you know?
- Lilly, I advise you that the bucket
is probably worse than the joke.
[laughter]
- Luna, come here for me. Can you come stand here?
This is Luna. She's our props department.
I know she feels very bad about this,
so I want her to watch what she's done.
[clears throat]
This is because of you.
What is this?
You can't tell me, okay. All right.
You know what? I support education.
Malala, I will not make fun of you.
Oh, it's much more solid than it looks!
It is much more solid than it looks!
[laughter]
That is filth. That is disgust.
That is literal--okay, you know what?
Okay. Oh, you--oh, thank you so much
for having a towel on standby, Luna.
Thank you so, so much. Give it up for Luna, everyone.
- Lilly, can you describe the color?
The smell?
- If tofu took a crap...
- [laughs] - Like, that's what it looks--
I thought it was gonna be, like, oh, like, food,
but it's bad.
Also, my hand is turning numb. What is--
[laughter]
Ew, okay!
All right, B-R-B.
Okay, let's keep doing this.
Let's keep "Pushing the Envelope."
[upbeat music]
What's the difference between BTS and Logan Paul?
Okay, you want me to make a joke about BTS
and you think I will survive?
- Do you trust me? - No!
- [laughs]
- I'm gonna read this solely because
I know a lot of people out there like BTS.
So, "What's the difference between BTS and Logan Paul?"
"One is a boy band from Asia
and the other is a boy banned from Asia."
[laughter]
I like this! I like this!
This is a good one! This is--I trust you.
Chelsea, I trust you.
I should have never doubted you.
This is kinda fun. - [laughs]
- Am I lowkey, like, a rebel now?
"What happens when you ride an escalator behind Louis C.K.?"
[laughter]
Are you telling me that Standards in Practice
cleared all of these jokes?
- All of them.
- Good for you, NBC! Good for you!
"What happens when you ride an escalator behind Louis C.K.?"
"He gets off in front of you."
♪
[laughter] - Oh.
- You're so happy. You're so pleased, look at you.
- Bravo. Fantastic.
- We have one left.
"What's brown, white, and red all over?"
This seems generally fine to me.
"The Canadian flag after Justin Trudeau
uses it to wipe his face."
No! [laughs]
[laughter]
Trudeau! Okay, Justin, Justin.
Look at me. Justin.
[laughter]
These are--first of all, they're American.
These Americans, they're disrespectful.
I am a proud Canadian. You should be ashamed.
Anyway, that was "Pushing the Envelope."
And I don't think it was that bad.
Until next time, if there is a next time with you.
We'll see, we'll see what your fate is, all of you,
in our next writer's meeting.
[upbeat music]
Ah, lunch was dope.