- ONE OF THE REASONS I DO THIS SHOW
IS BECAUSE I WANT IT TO BE A BREAK
FROM WHATEVER BAD THINGS ARE HAPPENING IN THE WORLD.
I WANT TO SPREAD LIGHT WHERE THERE'S DARKNESS.
I WANT TO BRING A GLOW WHERE IT'S GLOOMY.
I WANT TO STICK A CANDLE WHERE THE SUN DOESN'T SHINE.
[laughter]
THAT'S-- THAT DIDN'T SOUND RIGHT.
MY INTENTION IS FOR PEOPLE TO WATCH THE SHOW
AND LAUGH AND FEEL GOOD,
AND APPARENTLY, THAT IS HAPPENING.
THERE'S SOMEONE NAMED MICHAEL CARTER-WILLIAMS.
YOU MIGHT HAVE HEARD OF HIM.
HE PLAYS BASKETBALL
FOR THE PHILADELPHIA 76ERS.
AND I BELIEVE THEY'RE NAMED AFTER THE 76 GAS STATIONS.
[laughter]
TURNS OUT THAT THE 76ERS ARE HAVING A BAD YEAR.
IN FACT, THEY HAVE NOT WON A SINGLE GAME ALL SEASON.
AND MICHAEL WROTE AN ESSAY THAT I SAW IN "USA TODAY"
ABOUT HOW HE DEALS WITH IT,
AND HERE'S WHAT HE SAYS.
[cheers and applause]
WOW.
I MEAN, FIRST OF ALL,
MICHAEL, THANK YOU FOR WATCHING.
STORIES LIKE YOURS ARE WHY I KEEP DOING THIS--
AND BECAUSE I'M UPSIDE-DOWN ON MY MORTGAGE.
BUT I LOVE WHAT YOU WROTE.
I LOVE THAT YOU WROTE THAT,
AND I'M SORRY THAT YOU'RE HAVING A TOUGH SEASON.
I'LL BE HONEST, I DON'T KNOW A LOT ABOUT BASKETBALL.
I'VE NEVER HAD MARCH MADNESS.
I ONCE CAME DOWN WITH A TERRIBLE CASE
OF BIEBER FEVER, AND--
[laughter]
SO IF IT'S ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
BUT I WANT TO HELP YOU IN ANY WAY I CAN,
SO TONIGHT, WHEN YOU TAKE THE COURT
AGAINST THE BOSTON WHATEVER--
I DON'T KNOW THEIR-- THE NAME--
THE BEN AFFLECKS OR WHATEVER THEY'RE CALLED--
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU'VE GOT EVERYONE ON MY TEAM
AT "THE ELLEN SHOW" BEHIND YOU.
SO COME ON OUT, TEAM.
HERE IS PICKLE BOY FIRST.
[cheers and applause]
AND HERE IS NICK THE GARDENER.
COME ON OUT, NICK.
[cheers and applause]
AND HERE IS GIGGLES, THE CLOWN THAT SCARED ERIC STONESTREET.
[cheers and applause]
AND, OF COURSE, DAVE THE STAGEHAND.
[cheers and applause]
AND GINA FROM CAT WEEK.
[cheers and applause]
AND COUNTRY MUSIC ANDY ZENOR.
[cheers and applause]
AND MY STUNT DOUBLE.
[cheers and applause]
[laughing]
OUR VIKING.
[cheers and applause]
THE "WHAT'S IN THE BOX" PRIZE MODELS.
[cheers and applause]
[twinkling musical flourish]
AND FINALLY, DAVE MCGUIRE FROM CORPORATE.
[cheers and applause]
[laughing]
[laughter]
OH.
LIKE I SAID, I DON'T KNOW MUCH
ABOUT BASKETBALL, BUT I DID SEE THE MOVIE "HOOSIERS,"
SO 76ERS, LISTEN UP.
[inspirational music]
I WANT YOU TO FOCUS ON THE FUNDAMENTALS
THAT WE'VE GONE OVER TIME AND TIME AGAIN,
AND MOST IMPORTANT, DON'T GET CAUGHT UP
THINKING ABOUT WINNING OR LOSING THE GAME.
- ELLEN? ELLEN?
EXCUSE ME, BUT LEGALLY,
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO PLAGIARIZE
THE ENTIRE SPEECH FROM "HOOSIERS."
- BACK OFF, DAVE. I'M ON A ROLL.
BECAUSE IF YOU PUT YOUR EFFORT AND CONCENTRATION
INTO PLAYING YOUR POTENTIAL TO BE THE BEST THAT YOU CAN BE,
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE SCOREBOARD SAYS AT THE END OF THE GAME.
IN MY BOOK, YOU'RE GONNA BE WINNERS.
OKAY?
[cheers and applause]
[rhythmic clapping]
[cheers and applause]
WE'RE ROOTING FOR YOU, MICHAEL,
AND THIS DANCE IS FOR YOU.