- MINNIE DRIVER'S DREAM IS TO BE ON "DOWNTON ABBEY,"
AND I THOUGHT I WOULD HELP HER AUDITION.
AND, LIKE I SAID, I WROTE A SCENE.
THE ONLY PROBLEM IS, YOU HAVE NOT SEEN IT OR READ IT YET.
- RIGHT. - SO YOU'LL JUST--YOU'LL JUST--
YOU'LL SEE. IT'S VERY EASY.
SO YOU JUST HAVE TO READ THE TELEPROMPTER
AND ACT ACCORDINGLY, AND... - OKAY.
- THIS IS YOUR AUDITION TAPE, SO, UH, READY?
- READY, YES. - ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
[theme music]
[cheers and applause]
- EXCUSE ME, LADY GWENDERMERE OF WEST BEDFORD APPLEBEE'S.
- YES, COUNTESS PENELOPE
OF I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTERSWORTH.
[laughter]
- YOU LOOK SURPRISED TO SEE ME.
- NO, NO. THAT'S BECAUSE MY HAIR MAID TIED MY CORSET TOO TIGHT.
PRAY TELL ME, WHAT BRINGS YOU TO DOWNTON?
- I NEED YOUR HELP FORSOOTH.
- FOR WHAT? - FORSOOTH.
- BLESS YOU.
[laughter]
- MIGHT I TROUBLE YOU FOR A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME?
- OF COURSE, PLEASE SIT.
[laughter]
I MUST--I MUST SAY, I DIDN'T EXPECT TO SEE YOU
SO SOON AFTER YOUR ACCIDENT.
- MY ACCIDENT?
- YES, THE TERRIBLE FALL.
THE ONE THAT CAUSED YOU
TO START CHANGING YOUR ACCENT UNCONTROLLABLY.
- [Australian accent] OH, YES, OF COURSE.
THAT ACCIDENT. HOW COULD I FORGET?
[laughter]
[Southern accent] I RECKON IT'S BEEN--
I RECKON IT'S BEEN GETTIN' A BIT BETTER.
- OH, AND I IMAGINE IT'S BEEN VERY, VERY DIFFICULT
ON YOUR WHOLE FAMILY AS WELL.
- [Russian accent] YA, IT'S BEEN REAL FUDDY-DUDDY,
ALL OF US, YA.
- YES.
EVEN BEFORE THE ACCIDENT, YOU HAD SO MUCH TROUBLE
CONTROLLING THE MOVEMENT OF YOUR ARMS.
THEY WOULD FLY UP AT ANY TIME WITHOUT WARNING.
- I WISH I COULD SAY IT'S ALL BEHIND ME,
BUT IT IS MUCH BETTER NOW THAN IT WAS.
STILL, I AM NOT ALLOWED TO BE AROUND THE GOOD CHINA.
- OH, AND DO YOU STILL BARK LIKE A DOG WHENEVER A BELL RINGS?
- SADLY, YES.
- MM, TERRIBLE. JUST TERRIBLE.
I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHY YOU CAME TO SEE ME,
BUT FIRST LET'S HAVE SOME TEA.
I'LL CALL FOR THE BUTLER.
[bell rings]
- [barking]
- HE'LL BE HERE SHORTLY.
PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOUR TROUBLE IS, MY CHILD.
[bell rings]
- [barking]
WELL, IT STARTED TWO WEEKS AGO WHEN...
[barking]
MY MOTHER--
[laughter]
MY BROTHER BRADLEY WAS BATTLED AND BONKED THE BUTLER.
NOW HIS WIFE IS CHUFFED THAT HE'S CHEATING.
SHE'S TAKEN A--
SHE'S TAKEN TO TALKING A LOAD OF CODSWALLOP
THAT'S MAKING THE VIC A DICKEY.
[laughter]
- YOU DON'T SAY?
[bell rings]
- [Boston accent] EVEN TALKIN' ABOUT IT IS WICKED HARD.
[laughter]
[barking]
- AND, SCENE.
[cheers and applause]
LOOK FOR MINNIE DRIVER ON THE NEXT SEASON OF "DOWNTON ABBEY."
AND "ABOUT A BOY" PREMIERS
AFTER THE OLYMPICS THIS SUNDAY NIGHT.
WE'LL BE BACK.