My life in the FLDS was horrific.
My family was considered privileged among the community.
Some of my sisters were married to Warren Jeffs's brothers.
I started being abused sexually
between the ages four and five.
I was abused by family members, neighbors, and friends.
Sometimes it would be one at a time
and sometimes it was in groups.
One time I was tied to an old fashioned metal frame
down in the basement of the shop.
And terrible things happened that I was not in control of.
I had a lot of bruises because I was held down so hard.
Many times I was told this is what God wanted
and if you had been more obedient and more submissive,
it wouldn't happen.
I felt like a prisoner every minute,
like every choice I made wasn't mine.
One time I told a family member no,
that I was sick of it and I didn't wanna do it today
and because of it, I almost died.
He was very very very angry and things happened
that were terrifying.
What was so terrible,
I was not going through this all alone.
There were many others who went through the same thing.
Looking back, what was going on was horrifically sickening.
(dramatic music)
Well, I'm glad you're here.
Thank you for the opportunity.
And this is not easy to think about
and it's not easy to talk about.
I'm aware of that.
Do you think that this abuse that you endured
is still happening inside the FLDS encampments?
Yes I do.
Do you fear repercussions from them
by you talking about it?
I do.
Bringing my story to light,
I have no idea what to expect.
Well this religion as practiced by this group,
the FLDS, is a group that you say the elite men
raping, molesting, abusing young girls
is a matter of pride.
It's like a notch in the belt.
It's something that they brag about
and strut around about.
Is that a religion that you fear being ostracized from
or is that a perversion of a religion?
I know now that it is a perversion.
I fear that I have lost what little connection
I have with my family.
'Cause you fear they're still indoctrinated.
Yeah.
I know that I still struggle sometimes.
You say that this is so stressful to you
that you suffer from dissociative identity disorder.
I do.
It's like I lose blocks of time
and then I suddenly become consciously aware again
and what happened between, I don't know.
And the most common one that you escape to
or escape the situation from is an eight year old girl.
Yes.
That one and also a mother figure personality
that I take on as well.
Do any of these different identities
believe that the place for you to be
is back inside the FLDS?
I don't believe so.
So there is some consistency that you're better off
outside than inside.
And I think that is what's helped me to survive
in a way out here.
I don't wanna go through the details,
I don't wanna embarrass you with any of it,
but you were treated horrifically at this time
and you realize, that was an abusive power.
That was a perversion of religion
and not something that is good for you at any level, right?
Yes.
I think on some level, I always knew what was happening
was wrong now that it was. But you're powerless
to do anything about it.
You don't have the ability to choose at that point.
And then you just do whatever it takes to get through it.
To survive.
Yeah.