Hey guys, Amy here.
Now that you’ve started the program I want to tell you a story about a client of mine
named Jennifer who used the P.A.S.S. system to get over her problems and find her dream
man.
When I met Jennifer she was, for lack of better words, a mess.
But that didn’t stop her from getting out there and meeting new guys.
The problem was Jennifer hadn’t fully let go of her past and because of it, she was
bringing her baggage into new relationships…. which turned out to be a disaster!
When she met someone she liked she would unknowingly sabotage the relationship.
There was Alex, who she never trusted.
Ryan, she thought looked at other women too much.
Jeff was going to leave her for someone else…
the list went on and on.
The problem though wasn’t with the guys, the problem was with Jennifer.
When I met with her I explained to her the same thing that you’re learning about now,
learning to pass on the past.
The first thing we did was we sat down and talked about her past experiences with men.
The good, the bad and the ugly.
We talked about the memories that made her laugh and all the good things she remembered
about each of them.
Then dug deeper and talked about the issues that she’d experienced and was still clearly
holding onto.
By the end of it all we were both in tears!
But, by going through each of her emotions she was able to pin-point where her issues
laid and it finally started making sense to her why she couldn’t find a good guy; her
problem was her emotions had prevented her from opening herself up to all the men she
had met!
So, it was time to say goodbye to those experiences and feelings.
To realize that even though she thought it was all said and done long ago, she had never
really accepted those feelings.
Then, she finally set them free.
It wasn’t easy, believe me.
Even after “letting go” she struggled with the idea of actually letting go.
And I mean, it’s not an easy thing to do.
It’s basically asking someone to erase certain bits and pieces from their memories or to
see them in a new way.
It’s asking someone to realize that their past doesn’t have to influence their future.
But, Jen did it, and I was so proud to see that she was ready to cross the line and not
look back.
To get her started on using my P.A.S.S.
technique, I asked her two simple questions: “What would he be getting from the relationship”
and “What’s going to make him stick around.”
Believe it or not, men actually appreciate many of the same things we do in a relationship,
so a good way to realize what you have to offer is by thinking about everything you’d
like to have in your relationship, and think about whether or not you are offering that
yourself.
To help Jenn out, I asked her some yes or no questions like “Are you a loyal committed
person?”
and “Do you appreciate intellectual conversations?”
But really, there’s even more to it than that.
For instance you could be the kind of woman that’s great at showing love and respect
for a man.
Or you could be the nurturing and supportive type.
The list goes on and on.
For Jen in particular, she realized that she’s a very thoughtful, honest and kind person.
These first few characteristics slowly snowballed until finally she realized that she’s an
amazing catch and that any guy would be lucky to have her.
That’s when finallllllllly I got to see the confidence that I knew she had hidden
deep inside... and for the first time since meeting her I could tell she was genuinely
happy.
So, next came the planning.
With her new attitude and perspective we then worked on creating an “imaginary life”
if you will, full of all the things that Jenn wanted to have in her future relationship.
It seems a bit cheesy I know, but getting her focus on the DO wants instead of the DON’T
wants would positively guide her to those things.
Before Jenn left I gave her a piece of paper that I had scribbled a note on.
I told her to read it aloud first thing every morning and every night before bed.
It said “I am strong.
I am powerful.
I have control in my own life.”
I checked in with Jenn four weeks later to find out she was doing great.
Happy as could be and loving life.
She hadn’t found a new man yet, but she was fine with that because she was too busy
enjoying her own life.
She knew she was where she was meant to be.
Another month passed and I checked in again.
This time she told me that she had met a man and that things were going great.
They met at a mutual friend’s party, exchanged numbers and went for dinner a week later.
Since then they’d been going to movies, to the beach, for walks, ice cream the works.
And best of all, she told me that this one was different.
Not because he seemed better or more this or that than guys from her past, but because
she was approaching the relationship with a new positive attitude and open heart.
She sent me another email a few days ago actually, letting me know how happy she is and thanking
me for helping her get here.
She wrote that looking back she can’t believe how much time she wasn’t being hung up and
that she feels light as a feather now.
That’s the thing.
Letting go usually seems one of two things.
Easy or impossible.
The problem is that those who thinks it’s easy don’t understand the full meaning of
letting go, and those who say impossible aren’t willing to try.
If you follow the PASS system it’s really only a matter of time until it clicks and
you’re free to find love again.