The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene Law number 36: Disdain things you cannot have
By acknowledging a petty problem you give it existence and credibility.
The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him; and a small mistake is often
made worse and more visible when you try to fix it.
It is sometimes best to leave things alone.
If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it.
The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.
In the year 1527, King Henry VIII of England decided he had to find a way to get rid of
his wife, Catherine of Aragon.
Catherine had failed to produce a son, a male heir who would ensure the continuance of his
dynasty, and Henry thought he knew why: He had read in the Bible the passage, "And if
a aman shall take his brother's wife, it is an unclean thing: he hath uncovered his brother's
nakedness; they shall be childless."
Before marrying Henry, Catherine had married his older brother Arthur, but Arthur had died
five months later.
Henry had waited an appropriate time, then had married his brother's widow.
Catherine was the daugher of King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain, and by marrying
her Henry had kept alive a valuable alliance.
Now, however, Catherine had to assure him that her brief marriage with Arthur had never
been consummated.
Otherwise Henry would see their marriage as null and void.
Catherine insisted that she had remained a virgin through her marriage to Arthur, and
Pope Clement VII supported her by giving his blessing to the union, which he could not
have done had he considered it incestuous.
The King, convinced that she was lying and god punished them for their forbidden relationship,
Henry applied to the Vatican, but Pope Clement would never annul the marriage.
And so, Henry simply started his own church, putting himself at the top and annulling his
marriage that way.
The Pope was furious and kept threatening the King with excommunication from the Catholic
church, but King Henry simply ignored him and his now banished-from-the-court ex-wife
completely.
When you pay attention to a person, the two of you become partners of sorts, each moving
in step to the actions and reactions of the other.
In the process you lose your initiative.
It is a dynamic of all interactions: By acknowledging other people, even if only to fight with them,
you open yourself to their influence.
Had Henry locked horns with Catherine, he would have found himself mired in endless
arguments that would have weakened his resolve and eventually worn him down.
Henry would have none of this.
He played a devastating power game - total disdain.
By ignoring people you cancel them out.
This unsettles and infuriates them - but since they have no dealings with you there's nothing
they can do.
"MAN: Kick him - he'll forgive you.
Flatter him - he may or may not see through you.
But ignore him and he'll hate you."
Idries Shah, Caravan of Dreams, 1968 There's essentially Two Strategies to Execute
The Sour-Grapes Approach: If there is something you want but that you realize you cannot have
it, the worst thing you can do is draw attention to your disappointment by complaining about
it.
An infinitely more powerful tactic is to act as if it never really interested you in the
first place.
And The Treating it Lightly Approach: When you are attacked by an inferior, deflect people's
attention by making it clear that the attack has not even registered.
Look away, or answer sweetly, showing how little the attack concerns you.
Similarly, when you yourself have committed a blunder, the best response is often to make
less of your mistake by treating it lightly.
But as always be warned...
Develop the skill of sensing problems when they are still small and taking care of them
before they become intractable.
Learn to distinguish between the potentially disastrous and the mildly irritating, the
nuisance that will quietly go away on its own.
In either case never completely take your eye off it.
As long as it is alive it can smolder and spark into life.
And that is it for this law, as always thanks for watching.