>> JAMES: GOOD EVENING LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
HOPE YOU HAD A WONDERFUL DAY.
THANK YOU FOR ENDING IT WITH US, RIGHT HERE.
WE'RE SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU.
NOW AS YOU'LL HAVE SEEN LAST NIGHT, FOR SAFETY REASONS, WE'RE
NOT ALLOWED INTO OUR REGULAR STUDIO RIGHT NOW.
SO WE'RE HERE IN MY GARAGE.
BASICALLY, WE'RE ABOUT TWO WEEKS AWAY FROM GETTING DOWNGRADED TO
A PODCAST.
THAT'S WHERE WE'RE AT.
( LAUGHTER ) I'M HERE, YOU'RE HERE, REGGIE'S
HERE, THE BAND ARE HERE, IAN'S HERE, THEY'RE ALL IN THEIR
HOUSES.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
IT'S WEIRD.
I DON'T LIKE THIS.
I PREFER HAVING THE BAND IN THE SAME ROOM WITH ME.
I FEED OFF THEIR "CASUAL DISINTEREST."
TONIGHT, WE'LL BE CHATTING WITH THE DASHING JAMES MARSDEN, AND
LATER WE HAVE A PERFORMANCE FROM TIM MINCHIN, STICK AROUND FOR
THAT.
I WILL SAY THIS, I DO LIKE SEEING THE INSIDE OF
THE BAND'S HOMES, SEEING HOW I'VE NEVER BEEN INVITED TO ANY
OF THEM.
I REALLY THOUGHT WHEN I FINALLY GOT TO SEE THE INSIDE OF
GUILLERMO'S HOUSE, IT WOULD INVOLVE ME PUTTING MY KEYS IN A
BOWL.
( LAUGHTER ) >> WOW, YOU'RE GETTING A LOT OF
MILEAGE OFF OF THIS ONE SCENARIO.
I LOVE YOUR IMAGINATION.
>> James: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
OF COURSE WE ARE.
WHAT ELSE THERE TO WORK WITH, GUILLERMO?
THIS IS ALL WE'VE GOT!
>> NO, I'M ALL FOR IT.
I'M JUST COMMENTING ON THE OBVIOUS.
>> YEAH, YOU'RE ALL FOR IT -- >> James: WOULD YOU SWING WITH
ME, GUILLERMO?
WOULD YOU, GENUINELY?
LET'S SAY WE HAVE A COUPLE OF THE DRINKS --
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S COME TO THIS.
YOU'RE THE ONLY MEMBER OF THE BAND I WOULD FEEL COMFORTABLE TO
BE IN THAT POSITION WITH.
( LAUGHTER ) >> I LOVE IT.
>> James: IAN, WE TALKED ABOUT IT A LITTLE LAST NIGHT, BUT IS
THERE A WORSE SETUP FOR COMEDY THAN WHAT WE'RE DOING RIGHT NOW?
>> I DID STANDUP ONCE IN A BARBECUE RESTAURANT WHERE A GANG
OF BIKERS WERE REVVING THEIR ENGINES OUTSIDE THROUGH MY
ENTIRE SET BECAUSE THE PREVIOUS COMEDIAN HAD PISSED THEM OFF,
AND THIS IS WORSE THAN THAT.
SO, NO, THIS IS AS BAD AS IT GETS.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: I DON'T LIKE THIS
SITUATION, I REALLY DON'T.
MEANWHILE, YOU KNOW JAY LENO IS LIKE, "TELLING JOKES IN A
GARAGE, THAT'S MY DREAM JOB!" ( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S MY IMPRESSION OF JAY LENO.
>> IS THERE A JOKE WRITTEN DOWN THERE OR ARE YOU JUST RIFFING?
WHAT'S THE RATIO.
>> James: THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT.
YOU WILL NEVER KNOW, G.
YOU WILL NEVER EVER KNOW.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
>> I DON'T WANT TO USE MY BRAIN ENERGY LIKE THAT.
>> YOU BRAIN ENERGY?
>> James: FOR THE ONE HOUR A DAY YOU'RE AT WORK.
( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T WANT TO USE MY BRAIN
WHILE I'M IN WORK HOURS!
( LAUGHTER ) >> FOR THAT.
FOR THAT.
>> James: SURE.
LET'S BE SPECIFIC.
RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.
>> James: I CAN TELL YOU, IT WAS WRITTEN DOWN.
( LAUGHTER ) LOOK AT TIM.
TIM, YOU'RE GOING TO BURN QUITE A FEW CALORIES THIS WEEK.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
YEAH, YESTERDAY, I DID A LITTLE SUMMARY.
IT WAS A 468 CALORIES.
>> James: THAT'S A LOT.
YEAH, I'M JUST GOING NOWHERE, JUST LIKE ALWAYS, BUT NOW I'M IN
MY GARAGE GOING NOWHERE.
>> IT'S ALL RELATIVE.
YEAH.
>> James: I DID 2, 5, 6, ON A BIKE THIS MORNING AND I FELT
HAPPY WITH THAT.
>> YEAH.
>> James: CAN YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE THIS IS ON TV?
( LAUGHTER ) >> NOW, I CAN.
>> James: WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER AND YOU WOULD WATCH,
LIKE, LATE NIGHT SHOWS, YOU KNOW, I IMAGINE THERE WOULD HAVE
BEEN A BIT OF YOU AT SOME POINT WOULD HAVE GONE, NO, I WONDER IF
I WOULD EVER GET TO WORK ON SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
DID YOU EVER THINK THAT THIS IS WHAT IT WOULD BE?
>> NO!
NO.
>> NO.
T LIKE THIS.
( LAUGHTER ) I THOUGHT, LIKE, THERE WAS A
GOOD CHANCE I WOULD BE IN A DIAPER GETTING THROWN INTO,
LIKE, A POOL FULL OF BAKED BEANS ON CONAN OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT,
BUT I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD BE LIKE THIS.
>> James: IT WOULDN'T BE AS DEGRADING AS THIS.
>> NO.
>> James: BUT, LOOK, WE'RE DOING ALL THIS, WE'RE JOKING
AROUND, BUT, YOU KNOW, SAFETY COMES FIRST,
COMEDY COMES SECOND.
KEEP THAT IN MIND AS WE GET INTO TODAY'S HEADLINES.
( LAUGHTER ) AS YOU KNOW, THE STATE OF
GEORGIA WENT TO THE POLLS TODAY TO VOTE IN TWO RUNOFF ELECTIONS
THAT WILL ULTIMATELY DECIDE WHICH PARTY CONTROLS THE SENATE.
IF REPUBLICANS WIN EITHER RACE, THEY'LL CONTROL THE SENATE.
AND IF REPUBLICANS LOSE THE RACE, THEY'LL STILL SAY THEY
WON, AND WE'LL PRETTY MUCH BE BACK WHERE WE STARTED.
HERE'S THE THING -- I'M A SONG AND
DANCE MAN FROM HIGH WYCOMBE A SMALL MARKET TOWN 40 MINUTES
OUTSIDE OF LONDON, AND I LONG FOR THE DAY WHEN I'M NOT
WHITE-KNUCKLING IT ON THE NIGHT OF A GEORGIA SENATE RUNOFF.
I'M NOT SAYING IT'S A STRESSFUL NIGHT, BUT ANYONE TRYING TO DO A
"DRY JANUARY" IS SCREWED.
( LAUGHTER ) TO RALLY REPUBLICANS, PRESIDENT
TRUMP FLEW TO GEORGIA LAST NIGHT, AND ON THE FLIGHT,
IVANKA TRUMP TOOK THIS PHOTO.
THIS LOOKS LIKE A PHOTO YOU WOULD TAKE IF THERE WAS A
CELEBRITY IN THE BOOTH NEXT TO YOU AT A RESTAURANT.
BUT THEN YOU REMEMBER THAT'S A FATHER AND DAUGHTER AND IT'S
JUST KIND OF SAD.
BUT HERE'S THE THING, WHEN SHE POSTED THE PHOTO TO SOCIAL
MEDIA, IVANKA TAGGED THE OFFICIAL G.O.P. ACCOUNT, THE TWO
GEORGIA SENATE CANDIDATES, AND THEN BIZARRELY, THE SINGER
MEAT LOAF.
I THINK I'M OUT OF THE LOOP HERE.
IS MEAT LOAF RUNNING FOR SENATE?
I FEEL BAD FOR MEAT LOAF IN ALL OF THIS.
AI DO.
HE WAS JUST MINDING HIS OWN BUSINESS, WEARING A BILLOWING
LINEN SHIRT OPEN TO THE NAVEL, PLAYING TWO GRAND PIANOS AT THE
SAME TIME, ILLUMINATED BY A THOUSAND CANDELABRAS, AND THEN
ALL OF A SUDDEN, HIS TWITTER IS BLOWING UP.
NOW, WHEN THEY GOT TO THE RALLY, KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE INTRODUCED
HER BOYFRIEND, DONALD TRUMP JUNIOR, AND SHE GOT A LITTLE...
INTENSE.
>> I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I HAVE THE GREAT HONOR AND PRIDE TO
WORK EVERY SINGLE DAY WITH AN INCREDIBLE MAVERICK WHO LOVES
HIS FATHER, WHO FIGHTS AND BELIEVES IN THIS COUNTRY, AND
THAT'S DONALD TRUMP, JR., THE SON OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES!
( CHEERING ) AND HE LOVES GEORGIA!
>> JAMES: "AND HE LOVES..."
"GEORGIA!" WOW, THAT WAS LOUD.
IS SHE INTRODUCING THE PRESIDENT'S SON, OR TRYING TO
ENTER A GROCERY STORE WITHOUT A MASK ON?
AND HERE'S THE THING, WHEN DONALD TRUMP JUNIOR TOOK THE
STAGE, HE SOMEHOW MANAGED TO GET EVEN LOUDER.
>> GUYS, WHEN YOU'RE AT A DISADVANTAGE, YOU DON'T TAKE
YOUR BALL AND GO HOME!
YOU GET OUT THERE AND YOU FIGHT!
HARDER!
>> JAMES: BASED ON HIS TONE, WHEN HE SAYS "BALL," I ASSUME HE
MEANS "EIGHTBALL."
CAN YOU IMAGINE THESE TWO AT DINNER?
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?!!
IT WAS GOOD!!
WHAT ABOUT YOU?!!
IT WAS ALSO GOOD!!
SHOULD WE WATCH "THE CROWN" LATER?!
YES!!
BUT FIRST WE HAVE TO FINISH THE REST OF "MASKED SINGER" WE
DVR'D!!
I HOPE WE CAN JUST DO COCAINE!
( LAUGHTER ) I MEAN, CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT
THESE TWO ARE LIKE IN BED?
>> Reggie: AH!
NO, PLEASE.
>> James: IT MUST BE A CONTEST TO SHOW EACH OTHER WHO'S HAVING
A BETTER TIME.
LATER IN THE RALLY, PRESIDENT TRUMP SPOKE, AND HE TALKED ABOUT
THE GALLUP POLL THAT NAMED HIM --
>> WE HAVE MADE AMERICA POWERFUL AGAIN, THE MILITARY.
WE HAVE MADE AMERICA WEALTHY AGAIN, OUR STOCK MARKET.
WE HAVE MADE AMERICA STRONG AGAIN, LOOK AT THAT ARM.
LOOK AT THAT ARM.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: THAT MUST BE HIS
TWEETING ARM.
THIS IS HOW WE END UP WITH TRUMP IN A BOXING RING HAVING A FIGHT
WITH LOGAN PAUL.
I'M ALL FOR IT.
I AM.
( LAUGHTER ) AS USUAL, TRUMP ENDED THE RALLY
BY, ONCE AGAIN, DANCING TOO THE YMCA.
>> GO GET 'EM DAVID, GO GET 'EM, KELLY!
GO GET 'EM TOMORROW!
♪♪♪ >> OH!
I JUST -- >> James: LOOK AT THEM ARMS!
IT'S ACTUALLY DISTURBING.
HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S PULLING A LEAVE ON TWO FROYO MACHINES AT
THE SAME TIME.
WHEN I SAW THAT LAST NIGHT, I GOT SAD BECAUSE I REALIZED THIS
WAS PROBABLY TRUMP'S LAST RALLY AS PRESIDENT, WHICH MEANS WE'VE
JUST WATCHED HIM DANCE TO THE YMCA FOR THE LAST TIME.
BUT WE'LL NEVER FORGET.
AND TO COMMEMORATE THIS MOMENT, WE'VE PUT TOGETHER A LITTLE
VIDEO, ENJOY.
♪♪♪ ( YMCA )
♪♪♪ >> JAMES: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH MORE "LATE LATE SHOW!" ♪♪♪