- In this video, I'm gonna show you the secret reason
why you may be attracting the same type of person
over and over again,
or why you may be attracting people
who aren't committing to you.
This is gonna explain so much.
There's a lot that's gonna be unraveled here
and I really believe that by the end of this video,
you will have a completely new perspective
of your sense of self, your sense of power,
and you'll feel more magnetic
because you'll understand more
about who you really are.
Now, the first thing to understand about this
is that we experience in life
a direct reflection of what we believe we deserve.
We get in life a reflection of also what we believe
to be true.
So sometimes, we may have a certain sense of self-worth
or a certain sense of value,
where we may not believe we're actually valuable.
That may then reflect and result in us attracting people
that reflect back that self-fulfilling prophecy,
that belief we have that says, I'm not worthy.
I'm not worthy to be committed to.
I only attract people that are narcissists.
I only attract people that
use my energy
or want something from me,
or it always feels imbalanced in the relationship.
And the thing to realize with this
is that the common denominator
has to do with having the awareness to understanding
that the energy we are putting out
is what we are getting back as a reflection.
Now, something new I wanna share with you
that I don't know if I've talked about ever
in YouTube videos but it is completely transformed
my perspective of understanding who we attract
into our life and why.
Now there's this theory or this,
it it's called the imago.
I-M-A-G-O, it's called the imago
and there's therapists and psychologists
that have talked about this thing.
And I think it's Freudian psychology,
but anyways, it has to do with shadow work.
And this imago is the secret to why we attract
who we attract and understanding why we feel attracted
to certain types of people,
and maybe not other types of people,
and it explains why in our relationships
we play out certain patterns
and there's certain levels of power struggles
once we do attract somebody.
Now,
the imago is an image that we all have
of our ideal partner and the image that we have
of our ideal partner, believe it or not,
some of you on, not wanna go hear this,
but the image that we have of our partner
contains both the positive characteristics
and the negative characteristics
that we experienced growing up
from our caretakers, whether that was our parents,
our grandparents, or whoever was raising us.
So based on the dominant energies of our parents
or our caretakers, both the positive and the negative,
what we do is we project this idea, this ideal version
of what we believe this partner is,
we project that out.
And on the other side of that,
so this person will have some
of the things that triggered us,
and some of the things that we liked
about both our mom and our dad.
And unless the person that we're dating
has some of these things,
then we normally won't feel that attraction.
Now, the other side of this
is normally we'll also, part of the imago,
is we all have a part of our lost self.
It's what's called our lost self,
the part of ourselves that we feel like we lost.
And we also search for that
inside of our imago.
So somebody that we feel a very deep connection to,
somebody that we may be attracted to
will have both the characteristics,
positive and negative of our mom and our dad
or our caretakers,
and a lot of times, the lost self version of this.
And this is sometimes where we look
at that second part of it, the opposites.
So for example, like my buddy, Victor and his wife,
he is like very much more an introvert
and he goes internal a lot, he's much more quiet,
and sometimes he could be loud,
but mainly he's more introverted.
His wife is the total Leo.
She's very outgoing.
She's very,
she could be very like extroverted
and there's other ways as well
when it comes to their temperaments
and their personality that they have great polarity
because they're completely opposite in those ways.
And in many relationships,
there's things that we're able to learn from our partner,
and it helps us understand more
about how we can kind of close the loop
and heal our childhood.
So in a way, we attract people into our lives
that replay the same familiar
childhood dynamics that we had.
I know that when I was getting out of my relationship
with my ex-stepmom and my dad divorced my ex-stepmom,
I no longer had someone in my life
that was trying to control me,
'Cause from 7 to 15-years-old, I had no freedom.
Well, guess what happened when I was out of that?
Secretly I was searching for somebody
to give me like a box to tell me
that I could and couldn't do this or that.
And I attracted in a girlfriend
that was very controlling, very jealous,
and I was always in trouble for something
just like with my ex-stepmom,
because subconsciously, that felt familiar.
So for four years, I was in a relationship like that.
And after I broke up with her, I then got into
and had a manager at Nordstrom in woman's shoes
that was the same as my ex-stepmom.
I always had a woman in my life
to reflect back the belief that I had
that women are trying to control me
and that I have to like fight for my own sense of freedom.
So we will attract these patterns into our life
to recreate familiar childhood dynamics.
So when it comes to somebody that won't commit,
sometimes we may be recreating this cat and mouse game
that we experienced when we're kids.
Maybe we had a parent that either physically abandoned us
or emotionally abandoned us.
And what happened is we then felt like we weren't,
we didn't have that emotional availability,
we didn't have that love or support,
so now we attract people that can't necessarily give it,
or we attract people that are emotionally unavailable
because that feels familiar from childhood.
Now, remember, the word familiar
comes from the same Latin of the root word family,
family and familiar, so familial.
But the idea behind this is understanding
that we're in a way fighting to recreate
the same childhood dynamics that we experienced
in childhood because that feels safe,
that feels familiar.
So if we had somebody that wasn't giving the love
or the validation, then what may end up happening
is we attract somebody that we search
for that love or validation from.
And then we are in a game
of like replaying that childhood dynamics
because secretly we're trying to heal
our childhood dynamics.
We're trying to prove to somebody else, wait, I am enough.
And when we say, oh, this person's not,
a lot of times the people we date,
they're reflecting back the same patterns
that around when we were kids.
So somebody that will commit many times is because
there's an aspect of ourself that
believes we don't deserve to be committed to.
Feels, and it's maybe even addicted
to the feeling of feeling not enough.
And the power of this video that I'm sharing
is becoming aware of these because until you understand
why you attract what you do,
it's like we continue to live in those patterns
but once we're aware of it, we can then change it.
Because these patterns are always reflecting in our life.
Now, I also know for myself, another example,
this is my girlfriend and I.
My girlfriend is very emotionally expressive.
Her cat, Sekhmet, who's with me right now.
I'm watching him.
He's a very emotionally expressive cat
because he's reflecting the energy of his mom.
And my girlfriend is very emotionally expressive.
And because of that, I believe that part
of the reason her and I attracted each other
is because there's parts of myself that I believe
that I've repressed certain emotion
because when I was a kid with my ex-stepmom and my dad,
I wasn't really allowed to express emotion.
If I was expressing emotion and like crying,
I'd get called a baby, I'd get gaslit.
So I was like, I got pain for expressing emotion.
Whereas my girlfriend, her and her family,
they're all very emotionally expressive.
They're all very loud and emotionally expressive
because they were in a way maybe rewarded
for expressing emotion
or they were allowed to at least,
they felt safe enough to do that.
Whereas I have that repress-
So a lot of times the partners we have
maybe opposites in that way.
Now on the other side of that,
my girlfriend's challenges are setting boundaries.
She says yes to a lot of different things
and setting boundaries for her
has always been a challenge
because she rationalizes every type of personality.
And like everyone in her life,
she has like this unconditional love for everyone.
Whereas for me, I'm very clear
with setting boundaries with people.
I'm not afraid to set boundaries with people.
And that's something that her and I are able
to learn from each other.
Also, she's also very feminine.
There's times where time to her is like
this 5D construct, you know?
So for her to get ready and her to like
show up at a certain place,
like that is something that she works on.
Whereas me, I'm very on point and on time.
I'm also masculine and more masculine,
very linear thinking.
But these are all things that we get to learn
from each other in relationship.
It's not a bad thing, by the way,
that we attract our imagos.
our imagos are there to help-
The imago we have, the image that we project,
we're gonna project our childhood shit
under our partners whether we know it or not.
And the idea though is that we're able to meet somebody
that also has similar childhood dynamics to heal
so that we can heal with each other.
So the cure to this, though,
the cure to why we attract people that won't commit
and why we attract the same person over and over again
is because inside of us, we may have energies
that we haven't completely healed or forgiven.
I attracted the whole ex-stepmom person
in the form of ex-girlfriends and managers
because I hadn't forgiven my ex-stepmom.
And I think sometimes we may have not forgiven our parents
from things that happened and that active energy
inside of us is attracting partners to reflect that back.
So awareness to this is so powerful,
but now I wanna share with you
what really changed everything for me,
and that was learning to, one, open up my heart,
and two, to be vulnerable.
Now being vulnerable means you express your real emotions.
You express how you really feel.
And we're normally afraid to be vulnerable
because we're afraid of abandonment.
We're afraid someone's gonna leave us,
like maybe mom or dad emotionally or physically left us.
And the reason we might not attract people
that won't commit is because we don't believe
or we don't believe we're worthy of be committed to.
But also a lot of times
is because we haven't committed to ourselves.
We haven't committed to feeling safe
inside of our own bodies.
We haven't committed to knowing,
to believing that we deserve to be chosen.
So we attract people that don't choose us.
So the challenge or the opportunity we have
is to look at these patterns
and to make new choices about who we are,
what we deserve, and to look at our own childhood self,
our own lost self.
My lost self wasn't allowed to express emotion
so I attracted a partner that can reflect back
emotional expressiveness.
Sometimes the lost self may feel gaslit.
The lost self may feel like-
The lost self for Heather, my girlfriend,
is definitely, she feels like she can't set boundaries,
maybe even express anger.
So in ways I'm able to show her, this is healthy.
It's healthy to set boundaries.
When you set boundaries with someone,
you're saying no to something,
you're saying yes to yourself.
But committing to yourself,
because sometimes when we attract people
that aren't choosing us, it's 'cause
we're not choosing ourself.
People aren't committing us,
it's 'cause we're not committing to ourself
and making ourselves happy
and living according to our own values
and feeling safe in our own frame
and understanding our own childhood self and
committing to really like making that part
of ourselves happy
and expressing out into the world the vulnerable self,
because when we are vulnerable,
that changes everything.
So that's something that I encourage you to do.
Now, if you have questions, by the way, on relationships,
on feminine and masculine energy, on attracting love,
on feeling safe in your own frame, text me your questions,
to 424-304-0104.
And then also two or three times a week,
at three times most, I text out my top insights,
epiphanies and books I'm reading.
So if you wanna be, and you want me to text you,
text that number or click the link in the top
of the description box below.
And then also if you want to know
why anytime you let go, they always come back,
it's one of my most powerful videos.
Check this video out right here.
Why is it that when you want someone,
when you desire them,
they feel that energy and it literally repels them away
like a magnet?
However, the moment you actually let them go,
like right now as I do this, it's really,
these are really strong magnets by the way,
I gotta be careful.