good morning Hank it's Tuesday despite
being 41 years old I still sometimes
find myself starstruck like when I meet
people I admire I often talk too much
and feel nervous and then afterwards
exhaustively analyzed the encounter
before coming to the inevitable
conclusion that I made a fool of myself
why did I blabber on and on while
talking to Dan Howell at VidCon last
weekend and why couldn't I form a
coherent sentence when I met the author
Zadie Smith seven years ago and did NBC
soccers Rebecca lo noticed that my hands
were shaking when we met and etc even
though I understand intellectually that
people are just people I literally
cannot help myself like put me in front
of Roberto Firmino and I will melt
Hank part of what you explored so
beautifully in an absolutely remarkable
thing is how weird Fame is like if you
met Roberto Firmino for instance who I'm
reasonably sure you've never heard of
you would probably act normal and calm
and ask interesting questions not
because you're immune to starstruck
goodness but because to you Roberto
Firmino isn't that famous whereas I have
spent many hours thinking about him and
know the names of his spouse and
children and also his dentist which is
weird now I have also been on the other
side of this strange equation like I
remember once I was in the cereal aisle
of the grocery store when a young person
started screaming not like words or
anything just yelling and I started to
look around in a panic to try to figure
out where the emergency was only to
realize that I was the emergency most
people do not scream when they meet me
and for the record even the person who
did was very nice just excited and I
like meeting people who like my work I'm
really grateful to anyone who's made a
place in their lives for stuff I make
and meeting such a person whether at a
signing or at a Chipotle is an
opportunity to express that gratitude
albeit in a fleeting way but it's also
an inherently weird experience because
like that young person started screaming
in the cereal aisle because they saw
John Green but I also wasn't aware that
John Green was in the cereal aisle until
that person started screaming in the
moment before I wasn't experiencing
myself as John Green but instead as
myself a middle-aged dad in Indianapolis
trying to figure out the least sugary
cereal my kids will agree to eat and so
that moment took both of us by surprise
now like in a signing line I know that
I'm gonna meet you and you know that
your
gonna meet me but still it's a brief and
intense moment that I never feel quite
prepared for and I really don't want to
disappoint people who meet me because I
know from experience that a negative
encounter with someone whose work you
admire can be a huge bummer and I'm sure
they also don't want to come off poorly
and so this nervous energy kind of
collides which can make it really
difficult to say the essential thing I
want to say which is thank you
regardless of where I am in that
equation I mostly just want to say thank
you in a way that people will believe
and that will mean something to them but
of course I can't I can't because we
only have a few moments together and
because I can't articulate myself that
well and also because it's hard to say
thank you in a way that gets past the
psychic armor of irony and cynicism and
so I often end up fumbling and mumbling
which is to say that I end up feeling
starstruck on both sides of the equation
one last thing I sometimes hear from
people who've been excited to meet me
that afterwards they felt embarrassed or
mortified by something they said or did
or didn't say or do and I just want to
respond to that with a blanket it's okay
it's okay even if you screamed in the
cereal aisle I mean I would endeavor not
to scream in the grocery store in the
future if you can avoid it but don't
worry about it there's so much else to
worry about
I'm glad to have met you and if we
haven't met I hope we someday will and
I'll be able to say what I feel thank
you thank you
Thank You Hank I'll see you on Friday