Rat Attack (ominous flute plays)
None of your barnyard friends can hear you underground.
You're going to tell us everything.
no matter how long it takes.
(a hint of a chuckle)
where to begin?
Long ago, the entire universe was smaller than the head of a pin...
Your comedy needs much work!
My interrogator has a side gig doing stand-up.
He can coach you in between beatings!
[distant yodel]
[explosion of feathers, door impact and tumbling guard]
We're doin a rescue! CHICKEN TIME!!
You fool!
That's not a chicken ninja!
It's a chicken accountant!
Am I doing everybody's taxes here?
Because I have a 2'o'clock and I can NOT be late.
It appears you are not fit to be a teacher.
Takeo-san, could you re-do it? Can you make him a ninja?
I can not.
Once you create a chicken accountant
he remains that way until the next fiscal year.
[knuckles cracking, swelling of ominous music]
I'm sorry, Takeo-san...
I failed you.
Failure is only a part of training.
I...kinda feel like this might all be my fault
sooo I'm not gonna bill you.
[chair squeak]
we're done for...down here there's no bird or beast that could save us
This is planet Earth.
You can't escape life, even in the bleakest dungeon.
Now be quiet and listen.
[Takeo hums a lilting melody]
[a rat squeaks from behind the walls]
[Takeo's hum beckons the rat]
[the rat squeaks closer]
[sung] When you're far away from home
Just hum this melody
You'll know you're not alone
You'll seeeeeeeee
A tiny hairy friend
Will help you on your way
They've come to save us
Noble, magic rats
The smallest are the bravest
They always have your back
What's that noise?
What's that??
Kill them!
IT'S WHOOP-ASS TIME
GET IN LINE
IT'S WHOOP-ASS TIIIIIIME
[ancient yodel of justice and comeuppance]
IT'S WHOOP-ASS TIME
When you think you're by yourself
Just know they're all around
Always there to help
When you're down
And even when you sleep
They watch over you
From within 20 feet
It's true
They've come to save us
Noble, magic rats
The smallest are the bravest
They always have your back
IT'S WHOOP-ASS TAHHHHHHHHHH-IME
GET IN LAHHHH-INE
IT'S WHOOP-ASS TAHHHHH-IME
[ancient yodel of peace, justice, and wisdom]
It's whoop-ass time
Some people don't like rats
Because they hang out in trash
But they're helping you with your pizza crust
So you should fucking relax
Congratulations, I suppose.
You have assaulted my employees
and finally cornered me, an innocent businessman
Everyone will think your accusations are the raving of a madman.
If speaking truth makes me mad
then being mad makes me happy.
SHUT UP!
You're the fanatic who carries chickens everywhere!
Look! Takeo-san!
Great news!
I cross-referenced the ledgers with the returns
Turns out his business has been evading taxes for six years
Not a great idea to write off $50,000 in Billy Joel tickets
I guess chicken accountants...AREN'T at the bottom of the pecking order
[laughing that sounds like a chicken-human hybrid, a veritable wonder of nature and magic]
Fucking chickens, man!
IT'S WHOOP-ASS TAHHHHHHH-IME
GET IN LINE
IT'S WHOOP-ASS TAHH-IME
[ancient yodel of justice, balance, and goodness]
It's whoop-ass time