- Is it wrong to fake an orgasm?
(moaning)
- Oh my.
(moaning)
- What in the f--
- That one wasn't real, no way.
- Let's find out.
Take a look around the internet,
it's definitely a thing.
There are many articles and studies that
document the orgasm gap happening in the bedroom.
BuzzFeed dot com polled over 200,000 people
and 35% admit to frequently faking orgasms
during sex.
If all this faking is happening,
what's it like for the other person?
Can they tell?
I put together an audio example of some
sexy sounds to see if my co-workers
could tell if it's fake or not.
(moaning)
- She sounds bored.
- No, doesn't sound real.
(moaning)
- No, that was fake.
That sounded like someone eating a sandwich.
- Oh my God, is this an orgy? (moaning)
Like how many people are on this (laughs)?
- With the first audio example,
admittedly, pretty fake sounding.
Most people could tell it was fake,
but the second one seemed a little more convincing.
(moaning and heavy breathing)
(snickers)
(heavy breathing, erotic moans)
- Yeah, I think that's real.
- So, what happens in a relationship if one person
is faking and the other person can't tell?
Is this ultimately bad for their sex life?
I decided to ask an expert to find out more.
Dr. Jennifer Berman, thank you so much
for joining me.
What makes you an expert in discussing orgasms?
- Well, I've had a lot of them.
I wouldn't say I'm an expert in orgasms,
but I'm definitely an expert in sexual health
of which orgasms are part.
- Why would someone fake an orgasm?
- There's a lot of pressure on women
to be responsive,
to make the man feel good.
- It's not necessarily who I was with
'cause I feel like I faked it with people
who I've been in relationships with,
I've faked it with people who like I saw
for like a minute.
- The foreplay wasn't exactly what it should've been,
so the experience was just kinda like
after a while, I need to get over with this.
- He made it such an important thing
and I just didn't have good communication
with him at the time to be like
"This isn't everything, like chill."
So, it was the only way to ever, like, finish it.
- Does orgasm faking happen the same amount
in heterosexual relationships as in LGBT relationships?
- It's two women, do they still feel that same pressure?
- I date women (laughs).
Some time, it's gonna happen.
One of you are gonna be on a different wavelength
and you just wanna please them,
not to get things over with
but literally just to like make them
feel better about themselves in this situation.
- I remember once I told a partner,
"Hey, I didn't get off yet," and afterward,
she was just so offended and shocked
and afraid to touch me again,
and you don't wanna hurt someone
so you fake it.
- It's not just women that fake orgasms.
Men are inclined to fake it at times as well.
- Sometimes, you're feeling it
and sometimes, you're not.
Not that I wasn't into her,
I just wasn't into it, like, at that moment.
I was like, "Man, I'm not really feeling this.
"It's not really gonna happen."
- Things just weren't really going well
relationship-wise and I think that reflects the sex.
- No, we moved through it.
We dated for a while after that,
but I will say that she never let me forget it.
- Is faking orgasm problematic in relationships?
- Being enthusiastic, perhaps,
not in an authentic reflex way,
but through motions of your body,
through your breath, through your noises,
is reinforcing in and of itself.
Do that and do that robustly
and do that happily,
but when you feel pressure to have to
pretend that something happened to your body,
that you're pleased in a way that you're not
and not being authentic to yourself
and your partner, I do think that
that can lead to problems over time.
- So, faking the short-term, all good,
but faking in the long-term can be a problem.
After going through this investigation,
it made me think about my own relationship
of four years.
I realized I've never had an open discussion
with my girlfriend about the orgasm gap.
Was it happening with us?
It was time to ask the tough questions.
Hi, Gina.
- Hi, Alex.
- Is there any time that you have faked with me?
- Yeah, probably, in the beginning,
but as our relationship has grown,
we have to be in tune.
If we're both having good days,
then it's gonna be awesome.
- Yeah, it is.
Usually, I'm so in my head about
what I can be doing.
- Don't be in your head.
Be in your body.
Be in my body.
- (stuttering) I plan on it.
I love you, boo.
Thanks for talking with me.
- I love you, too.
- Overall, the orgasm gap seems to be present
in every relationship,
but how each partner addresses it matters.
Open and honest communication with your partner
builds trust and intimacy
which means better chances of sharing the big O
or O's.
(island music)