Alright.
Today, we've got an interesting topic.
We're talking about how to handle customer conflict and not make things worse.
Because we can make it worse.
Now, this...
Michelle is actually a great person to talk this about this because I've seen her in action.
So stick around.
Okay, so you guys know what's coming.
There are 3 simple steps that I am excited to hear.
I haven't heard them yet but I know that Michelle has got 3 simple steps that she does, you
know to handle conflict like this with customers.
But to start off...
I saw this in action.
Maybe you're thinking...
Maybe you don't even think that this is customer conflict.
But there was a e-mail that was sent.
And...
Okay, you're smiling.
We're making...
There was e-mail that was sent and the way the I wanted to respond, the way that you
responded was awesome.
It was amazing.
It was...
It got the job done, it shows professionalism, it shows respect, it made everybody happy.
Like, seriously?
I'm like, "Michelle is a powerhouse."
I don't know if there's anything you want to share about that specific story or maybe
another story.
But...
I mean, how did you want to react and how did you react in such an amazing way.
Well, I think that's the number 1 thing that you need to remember.
And this is not the 3 step process yet.
But in any customer conflict experience, you have to check your own emotions at the door.
Because it can be really easy to respond and...
All conflict starts with blame.
So all customers, whether they're having any problems or something's wrong, something's
ripped, something's broken, something didn't work, somebody didn't fulfill something starts
with blame.
And so it can be really easy to respond with either blame back or blaming other people
or other circumstances.
Which escalates the circumstances instead of diminishing the problem and solution.
And so it's interesting whether you are dealing with haters online or whether you have a customer
who comes in and is mad about their purchase or even through via email.
You have to figure out how to check your emotions at the back and say, "Wait a second.
How can I resolve this without allowing my own defense mechanism to say wait a minute,
your being mean to me and I didn't really do that or you're misunderstanding" to make
sure that you're responding in a way that gets results rather than continuous to add
more emotion, more emotion, more emotion and more emotion for bigger problems.
Which yeah, that makes it worse.
So, I grown a lot in this regard.
But I still got a long way to grow.
I know the biggest thing that I've recognized is that defensiveness or trying to defend
my self because when customers reported a problem, I would instantly go into defense
mode saying you know, "Well, this is what we did and this is what we had in our terms."
And like, never, never helped the situation.
It never made it better, it always made it worse.
Right.
So, in one case it made it so much worse that...
And I can't remember the exact domain.
I don't think that it's there anymore but it was something like, "natewoodburysucks.com"
or something like that.
And it's like, you know, I was like, "Man, I made this situation so much worse."
That... yeah, to try to find that, "Okay, what is it that the customer want."
And really to take emotion out of it.
Realize don't try and defend.
I'll filter my written response and go back like, "Okay, is there anything here where
I am trying to defend myself?"
And just remove all of that.
That's been a big, big help.
I can see that.
It's really tricky because like you said, we want to defend ourselves and at the end,
that's not going to lead the results that need to happen in the conversation?
But that is our first instinct.
And so I always give my self a break and say, "Wait a minute.
Okay, before I respond, what do I say?"
And sometimes that's a challenge because if there's a client right in front of you or
a person right in front of you or a tweet that went out or an email got copied to a
multiple people, you're like, "Oh, no!
I got to respond really quickly."
And even if you just take a second to say, "Give me a second.
And I'll be right back with you."
Or whatever.
Taking that break can help you get to the actual results of the situation rather than
the emotions that comes first.
So, ask me what super power I would want if I could have one.
What super power would you want if you could have one?
I would want to be able to freeze time.
That would be a super awesome human or super power.
Anyway, that would be cool because then in the moment, you know, something happens, it's
really hard to pause because time doesn't stop.
No it doesn't.
So...
See, and my favorite super power the one that I want is the read people's minds.
So that I can see things before they happen and acknowledge them and get there.
There might be some stuff I really don't want to know that would hear.
Like, What Women Want, right?
With Mel Gibson.
But I think generally speaking, when it comes to super powers, freezing time will help you
almost more than reading minds so that you can respond the way that you want.
So, this is the rule of thumb that I've used.
That I teach my clients.
Rule of thumb.
It's the rule if thumb.
It's actually the rule of 3.
But I call it "The Act Process."
So, the 3 step process.
The fist one is "A", acknowledge frustration.
Now, I am careful because sometimes when you're resolving conflict, their instinct is to accept
responsibility.
In some cases that might be the right way to acknowledge the frustration.
But in other cases, no apologies needs to be made.
And in the conversation that you and I we're talking about, I did not feel like an apology
needed to be had.
But I needed to acknowledge the frustration or acknowledge the circumstances.
And so at first, it can be like, I see that this is a super frustrating or I can see why
that would be frustrating.
Acknowledge their emotion.
Now, it gives you a second to check your emotions a little bit.
But if you can acknowledge the frustration and the feelings that they have, that's really
what they want is they want validation.
So the "A" is for acknowledge frustration.
Before you move on, I like that it's acknowledge, not apologize.
Right, no.
Because apologize makes me want to say, "But...
But I didn't..."
Right.
But just acknowledging how they're feeling, yeah.
Now, I will tell you one circumstance.
Sometimes apology is appropriate.
I had a circumstance with a client a couple of weeks ago where we miscommunicated about
what I was offering and what actually end up happening.
And I was very clear in my e-mail and communication about what we're going to do.
But they misread it.
And so I went back and looked at the ways that I had said it where I assumed that they
would understand some terminology that we used in our business.
They didn't understand.
And so I responded and was willing as part of that process to accept that responsibility
and apologize for my part for using jargon.
So don't be afraid to apologize if it's due but don't give an apology that doesn't need
to be given.
Well, I'll also...
Going back to the example that I thought of before.
Initiated by an e-mail.
I don't remember exact wording but you totally took responsibility yourself.
Even though it would have been easy or maybe even just a file.
Well to put blame on several places or people...
You really just took responsibility yourself.
I think that was a big part of what made me admire your response so much.
Well and in that particular instant and like I said, and some of these we can use the 3
step formula.
We can use the act process.
But you really do have to look at every circumstance differently and then at that case, because
I was quote, unquote Leader-in-charge of what was happening, in my mind, I knew that it
was where it came back to me.
And I think that that makes a fantastic leader.
That it could be easy to say, "Oh, that team member didn't do this thing or this person
should've just assumed."
But at the end of the day, I was the one who started that conversation, I was the one who
initiated it and I didn't see it through all the way to the end.
And so I was willing to accept responsibility in that case and to acknowledge the frustration
that it could've been mine.
Because I also wanted my team members to know that I had their backs.
And that was really important to me.
Because in that particular instance, I didn't want to place blame on anyone else.
I knew it was mine and I needed to take it and even if I didn't have to mine in that
full sense, as the leader, it was a responsibility for me to take that.
And I think that in that instant, it made it easier for all the other people who are
copied that they didn't feel like they had to respond offensively because I was the one
who was willing to place that first.
That's awesome too, yeah.
Okay, back to the 3 steps.
Okay, so the first one is acknowledge the frustration.
The second one is consider your options.
Now, considering your options.
Now, considering your options can happen privately.
It that particular case, I took a second and say, "Okay, what should I do and how should
I respond and what are the ways that we can handle this?"
When you're sitting with a customer right then and there, you can think through the
options that are available.
And sometimes you can offer options to the customer.
So especially in retail circumstances, somebody comes in, they have a ripped shirt.
Your options can be to refund their money or to offer them to get a different shirt
or the same shirt that's there.
And so there could be 2 options.
Here are 2 options for you.
So sometimes you allow those options to be public and other times you just allow them
to be internal to decide how you want to handle things.
And sometimes when you have the time and somebody sends an e-mail and then right in front of
you, it gives you the opportunity to call the other people involve and say, "Hey, here's
what we can do, here's the options that we have, what should we do before I go back to
this person?"
So consider your options in all ways.
And I think it's important to take time.
And even if you have somebody right in front of you, be willing to say, "Could you give
me just a minute?
I want to consider all the options and find a solution that is mutually beneficial."
And allow yourself that permission to ask for permission for time.
So you have to give it.
Because sometimes in the heated moment, we might want a respond but realize later, "Oh,
wait, I should've done this, this and this."
And just a little bit of time will give you the opportunity.
So take the time to consider the options, privately and publicly.
Especially if there's like an emotional response or adrenaline.
And it's like...
It'd be good to...
Even if an email comes late at night, it like, "Let's wait til morning."
Well, yeah.
Sometimes I have to wait.
And sometimes I'm like, "I am not going to sleep unless I respond to this."
And in that case, I definitely felt like I needed to respond.
But for sure, give yourself time and you know, even in conflicts in our personal relationships.
Give yourself permission to say, "You have sometime to think about this.
I'd like sometime to think about this.
Can we comeback later?"
And so, resolving conflict with customers or individuals, it's okay to say, "Hey, just
give me just a sec, I want to comeback to you with awesome options."
Okay, pretty cool.
So we got ACT.
Acknowledge.
And consider.
Consider and then?
The "T", take action.
Oh that?
So time is not part of it?
No.
Okay.
Oooh!
We got a bonus.
See?
So yes, Take... considering your options can give you time as well.
But the T in the ACT for me is to take action.
And this is where I think some people don't really fully engage to resolve the conflict
before it gets worse, right?
And in some cases whether it's that we need to do something or we need to make some actions
or we need to do.
Even give ourselves more time.
But taking the action piece is so important.
And it's interesting because I have this experience a couple of days ago at a restaurant.
Where there was a problem with my order.
They had not given me something that I had ordered and the person that I was working
with, I was super kind, I wasn't like, "This is terrible."
It was like, "Hey, I ordered this extra thing."
The person behind the counter was like, "Oh..."
And just kind of sat there for a minute.
And I had to be the one to initiate and say, "What are our options?
How can we do this?
What do we need to do?"
And in that case, I couldn't wait longer.
And so, they we're like, "Oh, I guess I could give you something else."
And I was like, "Okay."
But it that case, you also need to be maybe initiate the taking action piece.
But commit to take the action and to follow through if necessary.
Some conflicts won't be resolved in initial action.
And that part of taking action and setting time to follow-up.
But if you start with those first 3 steps, even if elongates the process in the end,
you can keep it from getting worse by taking an initial action that will simmer the situation
and also resolve the conflict.
And so...
I guess the opposite of taking action is just to be ignoring it.
Totally ignore it.
And we do that sometimes though, right?
Sometimes we're like, "Okay, I'm not going tor respond to this email or I'm going to
get a manager and let them deal with this client."
And we just don't.
We don't engage in following it through.
But i think, to be key communicators and to be people who really make change, we need
to take action.
And we need to be willing to own our pieces of it but then see it all the way to the end
so that the customer get's the resolution they want.
(Laughs) I'm sorry you can say that again.
I've seen her in action with terrible customers.
(Both laughs) We'll leave it.
I hope I didn't laugh for long enough that you can cut it.
Alright.
Well now, you can be the captain of customer conflict.
Just thought of it right on the spot.
Be sure to subscribe and if you want to know more about Michelle, you can find her at speakmichelle.com.
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