Transcriber: Nguyen Chi Reviewer: Hani Eldalees
Stop crying, man up.
Quit being soft
These were the words and the expressions that my three older brothers had to
listen to and was consistently bombarded with growing up.
See, I learned at a very early age that
the men in my life were not supposed to express their feelings.
In fact, the men in my life were supposed to be strong at all times,
no matter if they were experiencing any emotional or physical pain
and had to straighten up within seconds.
This is one of the reasons why I studied black men in mental health.
My dissertation research specifically looked at black college male students who
dealt with suicidal ideation.
The research solely focused on the thoughts of suicide.
Their stories impacted me deeply.
See, the six black men in my research,
all their experience mirrored what I saw growing up.
They shared stories like, nah, you can't talk about suicide, they think you crazy.
Or the church told them,
You are going to hell If they died by suicide.
Listening to their struggles with suicidal ideation shattered me.
In fact, the notion that they felt like they couldn't even tell their stories
because of being dismissed, was so disheartening.
I know in my community, mental health is taboo, it's uncomfortable,
but we need to have these conversations. We need to stop being dismissive.
I know when a black man is vulnerable enough and come to me with his issues,
I know how important it is.
I've witnessed how important it is for me to listen.
And so I did, I created this space.
During my research interviews, I asked my black male participants,
what advice would you give another black man who's struggling with mental health?
One of the participants said, if you can't make a sound, make a peep.
If you can't make a sound, make a peep.
Wow, this quote is so profound,
in fact, it became the title of my dissertation.
It got me thinking. What does it mean to make a peep?
What does a peep even sound like?
Would I be able to recognize a peep when I heard it?
All the men in my research, they know they needed some support,
so they reached out, they made that peop.
Based on my life experience and my research,
I created this word Peep and used
the acronym to help all of us have these tools to help someone else who comes
to you with a mental health issue.
PEEP. the “P” is to pause and listen.
The “E” is to elevate their voice.
The second “E” is to encourage them to seek resources and
the last “P” is to be present.
Pause and listen.
If this means you have to turn off your laptop if this means you have to look
away from your phone and make direct eye contact,
then you do so, because this person is coming to you.
They are trusting in you with this information. So be intentional.
Once you paused and listened, elevate their voice, validate their feelings,
let them know that they're not alone.
The black community is going through 400 years of struggles.
Same story, different body.
So let them know that you are here and that you hear them.
Once you elevate their voice, encourage them to seek those resources.
Some questions you can ask. Hey, I hear you’re having such a tough time.
Do you know anybody in the community that can help you?
Or, we’re on campus right now,
I know there’s a counseling center, would you like me to walk with you
to get the support you need? Or
Have you eaten today? maybe
Let's grab a bite to eat and make a list of all the people that can help you.
Once you encourage them to look and seek for the resources, be present.
This means that continuous follow up. Ask them, Hey.
I know we talked a couple of weeks ago, are you are you doing OK?
Did you call any of those resources that we talked about?
How rewarding and an honor it is to be a part of that healing process.
Depression and anxiety can happen to anyone.
A friend of mine was driving one day, it was cold, it was dark, it was raining,
and he thought to himself. If I drive off this road, who would miss me?
What would happen? Instantly, he made a peep. He phoned a friend.
She paused and listen to him, she elevated his voice,
she told him to get the resources when it was safe and she was present with
the continuous follow up and he is still here.
See I’m passionate about my black men,
my brothers, my nephews, my friends,
my cousins, my future husband and son.
Because when the world shows the black men that they don't love him,
I want them to know there is one person that does and that’s me.
And I want to let you know that a peep is applicable to anyone.
It could be your colleague. It could be your spouse. It could be your child.
Because there was one point in time where we all needed someone to pause
and listen, to elevate our voice,
to encourage us to seek those resources and to be present with
the continuous follow up. Peop. Thank you.