Hi, I'm Nicholeen Peck and I teach communication, parenting and family relationships and in
this video, we're gonna be talking about how to teach your child conversation skills.
Some children are natural talkers and they can talk to anybody about anything. They just
open right up but I know that there are many people who are a little bit more. They maybe
don't have that gift of gab that some people seem to be born with and so we worry that
they're gonna be unsuccessful in some of their future relationships and endeavors because
we all know that conversation skills and good communication actually are some of the keys
to our success so how do we teach our children good conversation skills? Well, that's what
we're gonna be talking about in this video. I'm gonna be sharing with you 5 tips for teaching
your children good conversation skills and if you stick with me all the way until the
end, I've got a bonus for you too. Number 1 is example. So i want you to examine yourself.
How good are you at conversation skills? Do you sometimes end up with these awkward conversations
where you don't know what to say or what to do next. Do you have a tendency to avoid talking
to people and going off on your own? Well then that's what your child's gonna do too.
But if conversely you're the type of person that likes to go up and look at a person and
engage with them and have a good conversation with them, then your child is gonna learn
that that's part of growing up, that's part of becoming older and they'll think it's a
safe thing to learn too. So make sure you are setting a good example. That good example
is gonna go much further than any of the other tips that I share with you in this video.
Number 2, teach your child to value other people. So, not just to think about themselves.
Honestly, the more and more I work with families around the world and I hear their problems
and answer their questions, the more selfishness that I'm noticing, the more self-focused that
people seem to be having and that's parents and children, just to tell you. We need to
value other people. How do we teach our children to value other people? So everyone can contribute
something good in the world that they live in. Everyone has that potential. So what we
need to do is we need to see other people as they are, not see them as we are, and compare
them to what our strengths are. If we do that, then we immediately go to a judging place
in our hearts and in our minds and that closes us off to being able to have a good connection
and conversation with them. So if you are trying to help anyone see your point of view
or just get to know them, you've got to make sure that you come to them from a place of
gratitude for who they are and valuing who they are. So the way that you teach your child
this is when you get to know other people. Maybe their cousins come, maybe there's friends
or neighbors, there's people at church or in the community that you happen to meet at
a regular basis that might be different from you, what you do is you say you know what?
That person is different. Have you noticed that the way we do this and the way they do
this are 2 different ways? Well, when you explain that to them and you say you know,
every person can find different ways to live their lives and do things. Each person is
looking for what they hope to be the very best. We know that this is what we've planned
for our family but not every person is going to be exactly the same as us and we can learn
to love all different kinds of people no matter how they are. So making sure that you prepare
your child to reach out to others while also though at the same time maintaining discernment
for what your family values, rules and standards happen to be. So it is also okay to point
out when somebody else had a different standard and it might not be a healthy or appropriate
standard for your child and that they can learn how to say no to that even though they
can still value a person. I've got 3 more tips for you and a special bonus but before
I get to those, hit that subscribe button now because you are not gonna wanna miss all
the videos that come out on this channel related to you, your children, your relationships
and success for your lives. Tip number 3 is ask questions so ask you are setting the example
with your children, be sure to ask them questions and allow them to respond without interrupting
them. So make sure that you give them a chance to share their thoughts and discuss their
thoughts with them. Then also explain when you're going to get ready to go meet with
other people that is a really good thing for them to do is to ask those other people questions
too. A person that gets to talk about themselves in a social communication always feels like
things went well so if you want your child to make friends and to learn how to converse
with people in a way that winds them friends and connections, then you want to teach them
to turn a lot of that conversation toward the other person so that they can learn about
them and give that other person a chance to have the limelight and the opportunity to
talk. When they do that, they will actually feel good, they will feel charitable in that
communication with the other person and their connections and conversations with other people
won't always be about them. So this is a great way to have the heart of your child turn toward
the hearts of other people instead of just on themselves. Tip number 4 is to share about
yourself. It's important for good conversation for a person to open up. There is nothing
that kills conversation more than when a person doesn't share, they hold back, they protect
their information about their lives. Now, obviously there's some key things that are
a little private maybe that a person might have, but the majority of our lives should
be considered sharable because when we do share those things, we get more help with
other people. Sometimes just explaining something to someone puts things together in our brain
that we actually didn't have connected before that conversation. So it can be beneficial
to the hearer as well as to that speaker, so keep that in mind. Also, when a person
is vulnerable sharing their experiences, thoughts, beliefs or opinions that they have we other
people, that lets another person really know them better. I think as part of this share
about yourself, we need to make sure that our children understand that you could hear
something from someone that does not match you or your values and it's okay. It's good
that they're sharing those things with you so that you can know them better. This gives
you a better idea and if you want to get to know that person more or not. You don't have
to agree with every single person to have a good conversation. I wish people would get
that. People shame each other, shun each other, bully each other just because there's differences,
that makes it so it's not safe feeling to share something about yourself. We should
feel like we can share things about ourselves and that other people should respect them
because we're also respecting the things we learned about them as well. Tip number 5 is
teach the child how to disagree appropriately. This is important because sometimes when we
have conversations with other people, we don't see eye to eye about things so how are you
going to discuss with a person, value a person and have this ongoing connection with them
when you don't see eye to eye. Well there's a skill for that. In fact, it's one of the
4 basic skills that I teach in my teaching self-government course which you can find
at teachingselfgovernment.com. That skill is disagreeing appropriately. When you disagree
appropriately with another person, you look at the person, you keep a calm face, voice
and body and then you say that you understand the other person's point of view, you share
your point of view, you listen to what they have to say and then you say okay that that's
what they think, right? You don't have to still agree but you say okay, that's what
they think and then you drop the subject which means you don't harbor any bad feelings about
it. You still maintain a connection and a value for that person even if you do not agree
on this particular topic. So what might that look like? It looks like this. I'm looking
at the person, I'm keeping a calm face, voice and body and I say something like I know that
you think macaroni and cheese is the very best health food that there is but I've been
doing a little research on health foods myself and I have found that salad far surpasses
macaroni and cheese in health properties in these ways. And if the person says okay, then
you can say okay and drop the subject too inside your own mind and heart. But if the
person says no, it's macaroni and cheese for sure and they're still gonna argue you about
it, then you can say okay, well that's gonna be what they're gonna stick to and then you
drop the subject. You move on to a new conversation. Alright, you stayed with me til the end, are
you ready for the bonus? Here's the bonus and that's practice or roleplay. If you want
your child to be really good at conversations at other people, they need to have a lot of
practice time where they're talking back and forth with you and with other people so make
sure that you know when they are a child, that whole time of their life is about practice
and so if they fail in a certain situation, no big deal. It was a practice. Let's talk
about what happened, prepare for next time so that it can be better. But also do stage
or queued role Plays where you just say hey, we're gonna go meet with new friends and we're
gonna introduce ourselves and start talking about things, let's practice what that might
look like. Now also prepare them in these practices that it could take a turn a little
bit differently than what you've practiced for but those practices are gonna give them
confidence, decrease their anxiety and prepare them for the words to say when the time comes
to say those words. So do you think you're ready? Can you teach your child good conversation
skills? I hope so. This is a great start. But if you would like to learn more self0government
skills that are gonna transform your life and the lives of your children, I recommend
my next video which is "The Expectation Trap vs. The Cycle For Success." That video is
gonna be a transformative video that will teach you what you need to do to stop falling
into those traps that take your relationships and your conversations at home or anywhere
else on a downward spiral. Click that link now and I will see you there.