Phil: Dim the lights, get a black cat, and draw a pentagram on your face with a sharpie...
Phil: ...as it's time for some Halloween Baking!
Dan [from background]: MWAHAHAHAHAHA
Phil: *laughs*
Phil: Intro my glamorous assistant! *snaps*
Dan [singing]: 🎵 Spooky scary skeletons 🎵
Phil: Oh! You injured me already! // Dan: I'm in the mood, I'm in the mood
Dan: OH My GOd
Dan: That t-shirt is AMAziNg
Phil: I know right?
Phil: Well, I was going to say "thank you" but it's obviously amazing.
Dan: That's so seasonally appropriate..
Phil: Been waiting to wear it all year...
Dan: I feel so under-dressed now...
Phil: You can borrow my Halloween jumper...
🎵de de la laa🎵
Dan: Wa ha hA hAA
Dan: This is AMAZING
Phil: I have to say it's only a loan... so just for this video you can wear my jumper...
Dan: I won't get too emotionally attached to it...
Phil: Nice decorations, Dan, I'm impressed // Dan: Oh, thank you very much
Dan: You know, I, uh, major in spooky kitchens so... // Phil: I can tell!
Phil: We haven't used all the pumpkins though...
Dan: What do you mean?
Dan: *chuckles* Stop doing that..
Dan: What's with these surprises?
Phil: You are not even ready for this..
Dan: WHat the F*CK OH MY GOD
Phil: SO HEavy
Phil: Oh my God, try holding this..
Dan: That is the big--
Dan: OH PFft JESus
Dan: I think this is the biggest pumpkin I've e--
Dan: Stop rubbing it...
Phil: It looks good!
Dan: Decorations complete...
Dan: *snaps* So what the hell are we baking?
Phil: You're using our floor as an ice rink...
Dan: It's really slippery today this is just-- accidents are going to happen
Phil: So red velvet cakes have been the thing of 2014, I would say...
Dan: *laughs* Have they? Okay..
Phil: "But how could we make it spooky?" I thought
Dan: I don't know Phil... How?
Phil: GREEN VELVET CAKES [DUn SqueeEEK]
Dan: OH my GOd
Dan: I see what you're going for...
Phil: Yep!
Phil: So I looked at some recipes online,
Phil: found the perfect red velvet cake
Phil: and just... slid some green in there...
Dan: Nice *clears throat*
Phil: This is my--
Dan: You sliding...?
Phil: Sliding the green!
Dan: Colors... okay?
Dan [off camera]: BUT FiRSt a quick message from Captain Hindsight!
Phil: Turns out it makes them completely swampy brown...
Dan: *giggles*
Phil: Uh... *laughs*
Phil: Which isn't THAT great...
Phil: So if you want bright colored cupcakes
Phil: I recommend sticking with the red food colouring
Dan: But if you want them brown and swampy
Dan: then green is good!
Phil: So I found a recipe online that I really really liked
Phil: however...
Phil: I have some bad news Dan...
Dan: W-what?
Phil: *whispers* It's not Delia...
Dan: whAT
Phil: I'm sorry...
Dan: WHAT?
Phil: I couldn't find a good Delia one... // Dan: Are you KIDDinG ME
Phil: *shakes head*
Dan: WE-- HOW LOng HAVe WE BEen USing DeLIa SMITH RECIPES In Our BaKing VIDeos--
Phil: I know... // Dan: YEARS
Dan: WHO IS IT THat We are BETRAYING Delia WITH?
Phil: *chuckles*
Phil: Nigella Lawson
Dan: Oh...
Dan: That's okay!
Dan: I could do some Nigella...
(Just read the ingredients onscreen to make it easier for all of us)
Phil: WHOah WHOAH
Phil: New t-shirt! New t-shirt!
Phil: Don't throw it *laughs* at me!
Phil: --squeezed straight from a cow...
Dan: *chuckles* This is so disturbing...
Phil: *yelps*
Dan: CATCH CATCH CATCH
Phil: *laughs* Don't do that!
Dan: But make sure it's the bakeable variety
Dan: as if you use non-bakeable,
Dan: your house WILL explode.
Phil: Oh, it's actually Madagascan vanilla essence...
Dan: OHoO HOO
Dan: FANCY Up in HEre
Dan: One preferably undeveloped...
Dan: ...chicken fetus.
Phil: Now I don't want to eat anything ever again! // Dan: *laughs*
Phil: --which you get straight from the breast of a...
Phil: ...large butter.
Dan: What is buttermilk?
Phil: I don't know!
Phil: How do you milk some butter?
Dan: Don't know what it is but
Dan: it sounds like something I want to
Dan: pour all over my naked body.
Phil: And some
Phil: fresh ectoplasm from a ghost's teat
Dan: *chuckles*
Phil: I had to be spooky somehow!
Dan: O-okay... can you explain the icing debacle that we've gotten ourselves into?
Phil: Well, she wanted us to make icing...
Phil: ...but I didn't want to make icing.
Dan: AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT
Dan: Ice in the tub!
Phil: Icing in a can!
Phil: ...more like
Dan: You're ruining Halloween for everyone.. // Phil: *giggles*
Dan: First thing you need is..
Dan: ...a bowl!
Dan: Second thing you need is..
Dan: ...a wooden spoon!
Phil: Oh! Be careful, please!
Dan: Third thing you need is...
Dan: ...a sieve!
Phil: Ow! *laughs*
Dan: Fourth thing you need is this
Dan: ...GIANT MIXING BOWL!
Phil: And also a cake tray...
Dan: And we are in the future...
Dan: ...so we've got one of those floppy things that you can just pop
Dan: out the cakes after.
Dan: That is quality of life people.
Dan: Welcome to 2014.
Phil: It's made out of silicon...
Phil: like a boob or a butt implant...
Dan: *laughs*
Phil: Same material!
Dan: Yup..
Dan: We're going to a good cause!
Phil: Gonna have to wash this now that it's been on your face...
Dan: Rude
Dan: OH memories of Tyler Oakley
Dan: OH GOD
Phil: Got the scale!
Phil: My chin weighs..
Dan: ...nought point six kilograms!
Dan: Someone needs to do some chin-ups!
Dan: WHOO HOi HEyy
Phil: HOi HEH HeH
Dan: Right, time to talk methods!
Dan: The first thing you losers need to do is
Dan: to pre-heat your oven to
Dan: Or, if you are not from the glorious British Empire,
Dan: and are in one of those weird places that for some reason uses the Imperial System, it's..
Phil: They didn't understand that, you have to say
'merican Phil: 3 hundred and twenny-five degreeees FAYREnheit
Dan: And now that our butts are being warmed
Dan: as we sit on the oven,
Dan: What is the next step? // Phil: toasty butts!
Dan and Phil: *laughs*
Phil: Sieve!
Phil: The flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, and bicarbonate of soda
Phil: into a bowl.
Phil: Not your main mixing bowl!
Phil: A spare bowl...
Dan: SECONDARY BOWL
Phil: Oh! SORRY, sorry, sorry
Dan: You're flouring all over my face!
Phil: A hundred and twenty-five grams..
Dan: AND then you sift!
Dan: The flour into the bowl!
Phil: Don't spill it on the floor!
Phil: Or you'll look like a door!
Dan: You're focusing TOO much on the rapping and not enough on the SIEVING!
Phil: I'm sorry..
Dan: You would be OUT of the FIRST round
Dan: of the Great British Bake-off...?
Phil: Whoah.. What just happened..?
Phil: GHOSTS!
Dan: 'Cause I was saying the spooky skeleton song
Dan: They're coming, they're coming, Phil
Dan: They're coming for us.. // Phil: Oh no..
Phil: I'm getting it ALL over my hand *laughs*
Dan: THis is how NOT to sieve on our close-up cam here!
Dan: That's heaped as f*ck, Phil!
Dan: Calm down..
Phil: Is this a tablespoon?
Dan: YOLO SWAGGINS
Dan: IN IT GOES // Phil: WHOOOP
Phil: TeaSPOON
Dan [singing]:🎵 Sent shivers down your spine, BUM BUM 🎵
Phil: BEEP
Both: "Cream the butter and the sugar.."
Phil: Like a lumberjack at a butter school..
Dan: GET your butter into the large mixing bowl..
Phil: Don't you just get the urge to lick butter
Phil: ..'cause it smells so good?
Dan: Do it
Phil: *licks*
Phil: BLARGHHH
Dan: HAHAHAH
Dan [singing]:🎵 Shake, shake the sugar.. it's what your cane gave ya.. 🎵
Phil: Sugary butter..
Dan: I mean.. *laughs* // Phil: My favorite snack!
Dan: Don't you kinda just wanna stick your finger in there and *laughs* eat it?
Phil: Oh yeah..
Dan: *inhales* Don't do that. It's gross.
Phil: This is the part of the recipe where they recommend you to
Phil: ..use an electric mixer but
Phil: ..we're gonna do it in the olden times!
Phil: How did they make cupcakes in the 1800s?
Dan: I don't think they did..
Dan: They just kind of dealt with the lack of civil rights
Dan: ..and the Industrial Revolution and stuff..
Dan: This is Phil "creaming" the butter.
Phil: Beat it like the Elite Four!
Phil [singing]:🎵 Beat the butter and the sugar 'til it's done 🎵
clap clap
Phil: 🎵 Beat the butter and the sugar 'til it's done 🎵
clap clap
Phil:🎵 There are ghosts inside your butter, there's a skeleton in the sugar 🎵
Phil:🎵 And it's really spooky today on Halloween🎵
clap clap
Dan: I'm gonna give you an 8 for effort.
Phil: Look how creamy it is!
Phil: It's like ice cream!
Dan: THAT is the pale mixture that we desire!
Dan: You now need to beat in the food coloring and the vanilla into the mixture.
Dan: This is baking alchemy right here.
Dan: Oh, it's so oozy and black.
Phil: It's like the blood of a zombie!
Dan: It looks like what the witch in Snow White uses in the apple.
Phil: DOLLOP
Dan: *laughs*
Phil: DOLLOP
Phil: THis looks AMAZING
Dan: WA HAHAHA WoW
Phil: It looks so spooky!
Phil: It's like Shrek's melted body..
Dan: It looks like it's all ogre [haha]
Dan: Now, without stopping beating, you need to add
Dan: ..HALF of your dry bowl of ingredients..
Dan: THEN, your hopefully undeveloped chicken fetus!
Phil: STOP CALLING IT A CHICKEN FETUS!
Dan: AND then the rest of your dry ingredients.
Dan: Keep beating, Phil.
Phil: We're losing a lot of greenness, Dan.
Dan: Then, you add in your buttermilk..
Dan: WHOOOOO
Dan:🎵 I wanna drink it.. 🎵
Dan: AND the vinegar!
Dan: BFFT
Dan: LET'S ADD 'EM TO THE CASE
Phil: OH MY GOD
Dan: LOOK AT THAT
Dan: That is a color Shrek would be proud of..
Phil: So I've bought some sexy Halloween cases..
Dan: Ooh.. nice.. // Phil: .. that are completely black.
*rustle*
Phil: So, line your tray..
Phil: I think we should swap jobs..
Dan: Put the bowl down! That's how we're gonna do it, Phil!
Phil: We can do it! Imagine we're in a tiny alleyway!
*music intensifies*
Phil: Here we go!
Phil: Whah whah whoah what?!
Dan: That COULD have gone horribly wrong!
Dan: We have just enough for all of them apart from one! *laugh*
Phil: I think our cupcakes trays were a bit bigger than Nigella's
Dan: Oh god, Phil, Phil.
Dan: Your jumper.. your jumper..
Dan: Your jumper!
Phil: NOOOOO // Dan: I'M SORRY
Dan: IM SORRY
Dan: Don't mind me! I'm just wetting my nipples!
Phil: Can I open my eyes yet?
Dan: Okay..
Dan: Whilst those look beautiful and Shrek-tacular..
Dan: ..the fact that one is missing..
Dan: *laughs*
Dan: ..is so ANNOYING! // Phil: Oh no!
Dan: Safety first, Phil! Get the oven gloves!
Phil: 🎵 Doo doo doo dooo🎵
Phil: That's the safety theme *giggles*
Dan: Okay, the downsides of a wibbly wobbly thing
Dan: ..are starting to show.
Dan: Ah! Ah!
Phil: Aah!!
Dan: OH MY GoD Oh my GOD
Dan: They're hanging off the edge!! // Phil: Aaah!
Dan: They're hanging off-- There! OKAY! // Phil: Aah!
Dan: They're in!
Phil: Goodbye, my babies!
Dan: How do you feel, Phil?
Phil: Like I've just sent my children to university.
Dan: Wow, it's more like you've sent your children to a fiery death..
Both: *laugh*
Phil: Cook your cakes for twenty minutes!
Dan: OH MY GOD
Dan: HAHAHA
Phil: HEEHAHAHA
Dan: WHAT DO-- WHAT WAS THAT? // Phil: HEEHAHAHA
Dan: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
dun dun dun dun dun dun dun
Dan: WHich ONE of YOu MADe THIS?
Phil: *laughs*
Dan [humming skeletons]: *snaps* bum bum bum bum bum
Dan: Okay, I need to listen to that. It's stuck in my head.
Dan [off camera]: "Dance Remix."
Dan: HELLO
*snazzy dance music*
Dan: DROP THE BONES
*beat drops*
🎵 Spooky, scary skeletons 🎵
Phil: Okay stop, you're gonna break something!
Phil: I-I'll just leave you to it there..
*rave continues*
Dan: Hey bro, I can lift TWO pumpkins.
Phil: *grunts* UURgh
Phil: GRAaah
Phil: Oof! Ha ha..
Phil: Oh god!
*beep*
Dan: *gasp*
Phil [off camera]: It's done!
Dan: THE TIME HAS COME
Phil: Look how green they are..
Dan: Ha ha.. They're SO green!
Dan: Well done, Phil!
Phil: Now, you have to leave your BROWN cakes to cool..
Dan: GET OVER IT, OKAY
Phil: Until they're completely..
Phil: ..cold.
Dan: Like Phil's heart right now..
Dan: *snaps* Welcome..
Dan: ..to Decoration Station!
Phil: That was good!
Dan [singing]: dun dun dun dun dun..Oh, thank you.
Phil: You may notice that they are completely BROWN..
Dan: Phil, the thought was there, okay?
Dan: You were a pioneer..
Phil: They still smell good though..
Phil: ..so I'm sure they'll taste great.
Dan: So what decorations have we got here, Phil?
Phil: I went INSANE in the shop looking for decorations..
Phi: I've got some..
Phil: ..metallic writing icing..
Dan: Heh heh.. wow!
Phil: Silver balls, purple crystals..
Phil: ..buttons, laces, black icing..
Phil: ..Smarties, Reese's--
Dan: Phil, you've opened the Reese's Pieces..
Phil: I may have had a few Reese's Pieces..
Phil: And also, I got THIS stuff, which is..
Phil: ..EDIBLE glitter that you can add to cakes.
[wow]
Phil: So..
Dan: WOW..
Phil: It even comes with a little ocular-- just brush..
Phil: Be like..
*dee lee lee*
Phil: And also..
Phil: ..the ICING, which we mentioned earlier..
Phil: And I'm gonna dye some of it orange.
Phil: About.. that much?
Dan: It looks like red goldfish poo..
Dan: I'm ruining it.. I'm sorry.
Phil: Wait! Watch it mix in!
Dan: WOW!
Dan: That is a HOT pumpkin orange you got there, Phil..
Phil: Yeah..
Phil: ..it looks very Halloween-y now.
Dan: I'm gonna get to work on some
Dan: ..GREEN icing.
Phil: Okay..
Phil: Ooh.. This is looking nice..
Phil: NICEing
Dan: OH HO Ho
Phil: There's my pumpkin face!
Dan: *laughs*
Dan: Wait, wait, wait..
Dan: Are you HONESTLY telling me..
Dan: THAT is supposed to look like a pumpkin?
Phil: YEah!
Dan: Really?
Phil: It's menacing, right?
Phil: I'm creating a spider!
Dan: Phil! What is happening over here?
Phil: All the blood is going into my spider's eye!
Dan: Oh no! *laughs*
Phil: I'm making legs for my spider out of laces..
Phil: Have you ever seen a ghost?
Dan: IRL?
Phil: Yeah!
Dan: No, Phil..
Dan: They don't exist.
Phil: Do you wanna know a fact?
Dan: Hit me!
Phil: All ghosts..
Phil: ..have eyes made out of Reese's Pieces.
Dan: *sigh*
Dan: What? Just like your cake?
Phil: Dan! What are you doing?
Phil: You spent all this time..
Phil: ..working on ONE cake.. // Dan: You'll see, you'll see
Dan: HUZZAH
Phil: Whoah.. // Dan: Phil, I present to you..
Dan: ..the Shrek cake.
Phil: That is INCREDIBLE! *chuckles*
Phil: So look at this ghost..
Dan: *laughs* // Phil: ..that I was so proud of..
Dan: Wha- What? What even is that..?
Phil: It's scary!
Phil: It's got a wonky eye..
Dan: Okay.. // Phil: .. it's like: "Kill me."
Phil: But then Dan comes along and makes..
Phil: ..the best Shrek cake you've ever seen!
Dan: This is-- It's the best thing IVE ever made
Dan: Okay.. I've finished my next one
Phil: Okay...
Dan: This is..
Dan: Herbert.. the Happy Monster
Dan: Uh.. you can see he's got anime eyes here..
Dan: They're looking up into the far left-hand corner..
Phil: *laughs* // Dan: And disco ball teeth!
Phil: WOW!
Dan: And even though he was born with his
Dan: HIDEOUSLY UGLY CRUSTY APPEARANCE,
Dan: ..he wanted to make himself look as beautiful as possible.
Dan: ..so he gots all the girls.
Phil: My spider looks like it had an accident in his web..
Dan: *laughs*
Dan: That looks like a spider that's..
Dan: ..just been swatted by something.
Phil: *laughs* It does!
Phil: It's a disco spider!
Dan: *giggles*
Phil: Hey, the final one should be a joint effort.
Dan: *laughs* Okay..
Phil: Let's make..
Phil: ..a vampire.
Dan: Why haven't we done that yet?
Phil: I don't know!
Dan: Firstly, the vampire needs, like, a slick Dracula haircut.
Dan: Ooh.. ooh..
Dan: ..evil eyes, Phil. Nice.
Dan: Then, some fangs.
Dan: THE BLOOD
Dan: Oops! // Phil: Oh no!
Dan: Oh no! I just dropped an eye in the middle of the--
Dan: It's happening again.
Phil: What's happening?
Dan: The skeleton man is coming.
Dan: TAH DAHH // Phil: The cakes are complete!
Dan: I am so proud of these!
Phil: They look so good!
Dan: Well, I mean..
Dan: They look kinda crap..
Dan: ..but who wants actually good looking cupcakes..
Dan: when you can have cupcakes made with
Dan: LOVE
Dan: ..that you had fun making..
Dan: ..which is just the way of excusing
Dan: ..bad looking cupcakes.
Phil: I kinda don't wanna eat them now..
Phil: It's like eating my children.
Dan: Stop talking about it killing the children.
Phil: Sorry..
Dan: How did you get so much of this on your face?
Dan: You look like a coal miner!
Phil: *chuckles* I don't know..
Dan: HAHAHA
Dan: Cupcake war paint!
[behold the beauty]
[oh there's herbert]
[three-eyed vampire]
Dan: So artistic..
Both: *laughs*
Phil: Beautiful..
Dan: Can we eat them now?
Phil: Yeah, we can totally eat them! // Dan: This is ruining my life!
Dan: I need to devour one!
Phil: Alright, I'm gonna eat Jack o' Lantern!
Dan: I'm just gonna go straight in for Shrek.
num
Dan: Mmmm...
Phil: Mm!
Dan: Mmm.. mmmargh..
Dan: *inhale* MMMARGHH
Dan: *sniff* Oh MY GOD
Dan: THAT IS so GOOd..
Dan: Have I got green on my chin?
Phil: No.
Phil: Even if they're not green..
Phil: ..they are very delicious.
Dan: Brown and scrummy as f*ck.
Phil: And today's Draw Phil Naked is..
Phil: So thanks so for watching!
Phil: If you enjoyed this baking, please give it a thumbs up!
Phil: You can also subscribe by clicking on this pumpkin here.
Dan: Wait.. promote me..
Phil: And if you want to check out Dan's channel, you can click on his face..
Phil: ..as he gozzles all of the cupcakes.
Dan: Mmm!
Phil: And also, we made a baking video two years ago.
Phil: So if you want to see my tragic haircut--
Dan: Was that two years ago?!
Phil: Yeah..
Dan: Oh my god, we're all dying.
Phil: If you want to see what we look like two years ago and go back in time..
Phil: ..you can click here..
Phil: Oh.. where will it be?
Phil: Here!
Phil: You can click here!
Dan: Phil, are you keeping track of where you put the annotations
Phil: Yes! You can click here to watch that.
Phil: Happy Halloween!
Dan: Happy Halloween, everybody!
Phil: Goodbyeee!!
Dan: Bye!
[BACK TO THE RAVE]
Phil: You okay, Dan?
Phil: Do you want me to call someone?
[small heart attack here]