Hi, I'm dr. John Demartini. In your life there's been moments when you felt
incredibly confident and focused and you went out achieve something amazing and
other times when you may have felt less confident less certain and you hesitated.
I'd like to address the importance of self-confidence which is your greatest
asset. Each individual lives by a set of priorities, set of values, things are most
important at least important in their life. Whenever an individual, you, set
goals or objectives that are aligned with your highest value, what you value
most or your most congruent with what's most authentic to you, your confidence
spontaneously emerges. You automatically walk your talk. You automatically
spontaneously from within intrinsically are driven to go and achieve what it is
that you set out for. But the second you set a goal that is lower on your values,
that are injected values from others, expectations from the outer world,
instead of a calling from within, you'll automatically diminish your confidence
and the reason why it because it's a feedback, diminished self-confidence is a
feedback to you to let you know you're setting goals that aren't really truly
meaningful and authentic to you. It's a feedback, so it's not a bad thing, it's
actually a feedback to guide you to set real goals in real time that are really
important to you. And the second you set goals that are really congruent, your
confidence goes up. Your self-worth and your confidence go up together when you
live by your highest values and then go down together when you live by the
lowest values. And when you live by lower values and attempt to be doing something
you're not. As Emerson said in being and imitating people is the source of
suicide and death, because we're trying to be somebody or not. It's greater to be
the greatest you than it is to be second best at being somebody else. If you
expect if you imagine yourself a cat and you expect to swim like a fish you're
gonna beat yourself up. If you are a cat but you expect to climb a tree you're
gonna be confident. Because you're doing something that you're designed for.
That's why you're not you need to know what your highest values are and make
sure you set your priorities each day accordingly and set goals that are
aligned with that and don't don't even waste your time on the others.
When I ask people when some, people come up to me in the in my seminar The Breakthrough
Experience and I say well I have low self-esteem, I have low confidence, I
don't, I doubt myself, I have questioned and I think. Well I said what that means is you're
setting goals that aren't yours. Yeah but I just don't have any confidence. I said no
no no and I ask where exactly do you have incredible confidence. I don't have
it. I said where exactly do you have incredible confidence, I make them ask it.
Again. Okay well I have incredible confidence in the way I am managing my
children. I said but you're having an expectation that you're going to go out
and run a business when in fact your highest value is raising family and
children and you somehow you're expecting yourself to start a business
somehow but you know I'm confident because it's not really what you value
and you brought you're believing that you you have this fantasy that that's
what's priority but what's really a priority is raising families. Or your real
priority is a certain aspect to your business and then the areas of the
business aren't really important to you, if you're not delegating and you're
trapped doing it and you lose your confidence. It's so important to
prioritize your daily actions according to what's really valuable and delegate
lower priority things if you want to maximize your confidence. And to make
sure you chunk projects down into small enough bites so you see exactly what
you're going to do day by day, so you can build incremental momentum towards
something of great. If you do your confidence is going to go up. I have a
high value on traveling and teaching and you know speaking around
the world. I have no problem in that area, but when it was come to cooking, come to
driving, I don't even know what the names of the cars are out there. If I was to
look at myself and measure myself relative to all the knowledge about cars,
I would have low self-esteem and low confidence. Or how to cook and how
to prepare food and things, low confidence. So I don't put expectations
of myself to excel in something that is low on my values. Its self-defeating, but
once I set goals that are high on my values I'll excel. When it comes to
research and teaching and presenting, man I love doing that, I'm confident, I can do
that anywhere. So make sure you're setting goals that are congruent with
who you really are, what your highest value is, what your identity revolves
around, what you feel is your real mission and calling in life. And
prioritize it that way and delegate the rest away let go of the rest of the
stuff. Surround yourself with people to do
the other things that are in accidential, but aren't priority to you and your
confidence will go up, your leadership will go up, your income will go up, the
opportunities will go up. Because you'll magnetize opportunity, because people
want to be around confident people and you will be confident if you're
congruent. The number one key incongruent, in confidence is congruence. So give
yourself permission to do what's really important to you and say no to anything
less.