Hey guys,
so there're three reasons
why most men think they should stay single
but they're not always true.
Have you been broken-hearted by a woman?
Have you been rejected
so many times you feel bitter?
Do you feel used, abused,
rejected or abandoned by women
maybe even your own mother?
You might think that going your own way
and swearing off women all together
is the only solution for you
and I get that.
But the real reasons
why most men think they should stay single
aren't always based in reality.
So, let's look at the three reasons
why most men think they should stay single
and why they're not really necessarily true.
The third one will really surprise you.
Welcome to just the tip.
If you've watched some of my other videos on staying single
then you know I do believe
that staying single might be
the right answer for some of you.
But there are some reasons
why most men think they should stay single
that are simply not true.
And the most common reason
why you think you should stay single
is because of cognitive bias.
What is cognitive bias?
It's basically believing in something so firmly
that you refute any evidence against it.
Essentially your brain looks for
and only allows it
to process information
that supports that particular belief
that particular bias.
We all have biases
some of them don't serve us,
which brings us to the first of the three reasons
most men think they should stay single
and that's cognitive bias number one,
women aren't good enough,
no woman is good enough.
Here's the thing.
If you think
there are no good women left in the world you're right.
Yes, you heard me correctly you're right.
Let me explain.
If you've been so hurt by women
or rejected by women
in relationships or in the real world
or perhaps at home
then you're going to develop
the bias of all women are.
Insert negative belief here
or insert negative trait here.
And then you jump into online communities
saying the juice ain't worth the squeeze.
And you get all these other guys
who have the same bias who
helped support that bias.
What are you doing? You're looking for evidence
that supports that bias.
So, you never end up letting your guard down
and you only look for evidence
that actually supports the belief.
In fact, just like some of those online forums
your negative belief about all women are
whatever negative it is
will actually put you in situations
that will confirm that belief.
And you'll end up only attracting
the exact type of women you think all women are.
Feminists, selfish, users,
gold diggers, cheaters,
only interested in guys with the three sixes,
six feet tall, six pack abs, six figure income.
If you think by getting together with any woman
she's going to level up and divorce you
taking your hard-earned cash with her
that's exactly what you'll attract.
Maybe again and then
you'll continue to believe all women are.
But here's the shocking part.
Not all women are.
But Anna, it happened to me.
I know there's a lot of you it did happen to
but with that all women
or with that one see you next Tuesday woman.
Here's a key point,
the reason you need to believe this bias
is actually quite ingenious.
Your brain has created
a psychological safety mechanism
designed to keep you safe
from those kinds of women.
So, instead of thinking no women are
you think all women are
and you're protected from all of them
just in case any of them are.
And I don't blame you for feeling that way.
There's no question divorce laws do
not favor men in Western society.
Many men lose their money,
their house, their kids, and their dignity
in painful divorces.
And there are a lot
of manipulative selfish women out there.
No question but not all women are.
Key point, what I've found
is that good men like you
who've ended up with bad women
who are those kind of women
never see the red flags
because they never think of doing some of the things
those women have done.
And key point,
often those good men
don't see the red flags
and therefore they actually
don't trust themselves.
They don't trust themselves
to be able to see those flags.
But being bitter is like drinking poison
hoping to hurt somebody else.
My prescription for you if this is you
is to stop being bitter
and start getting better.
Does this one sound like you?
Do you only seem to be attracted
and attract the throwbacks?
If this is you
share your stories and experiences in the comments
so other men can learn.
Now, sometimes a good man
does see the red flags
but he ignores them.
He thinks his love, attention, affection, and caring
will somehow heal her.
You can't heal a damaged woman and here's the thing,
it's really him who needs the healing,
which brings us to number two,
of the reasons most men
think they should stay single
and that's bias number two,
you don't think you're good enough.
Some of you all don't think deep down inside
you deserve a supportive,
beautiful, caring teammate by your side.
A woman who is actually good to you and good for you.
Your cognitive bias
is that you're not good enough
and then you're going to be out there only attracting
the evidence that supports that belief.
Maybe you had a traumatic childhood
or you had a parent possibly your mother
who never made you feel lovable,
maybe you ended up with a mother
who was bitter towards all men.
My heart goes out to you.
You think that because you're not Chad or Tyrone
you don't have enough to offer a good woman
and that's simply not true.
Perhaps most shockingly
is that not all women want
the playboy Chads and Tyrones of the world,
they don't want to settle down with those types.
Yeah, they might look at them and think yeah, you're hot
but what do we know?
Men look at women and say they're hot
but that doesn't mean that's
the kind of woman you want to settle down with.
Attraction alone does not a relationship make.
In fact, of the hundreds
of happy couples who've been together for at least 10 years
that I've interviewed over the years
90% of the women
were not initially physically attracted to their mate.
That's right they started in the friend zone.
What? I know.
If you look around challenge your bias
you might see many happy couples
who are not Chad and Ashley.
And the reality is
most men aren't going to get
a supermodel playboy bunny
but you don't need a supermodel playboy bunny
to be in a happy fulfilling relationship.
My prescription for you if this is you
stop comparing yourself
to the Chads and Tyrones of the world.
Start working on what you can do
to improve yourself for you more on that in a minute.
Did this one hit home for you?
Are you the guy out there
thinking you're not good enough?
Share your stories
about why you think that happened,
what happened to you in your life
that made you feel unlovable
and unworthy of a good woman.
And finally the third reason
why most men think they should stay single
is a real shocker.
Number three, biased single life is easier.
Wrong go, not true.
But again like the other biases
this is something that your brain has created
to help you feel more at ease
with your situation if you are single
and having trouble finding a girlfriend.
Your smart brain is actually trying to make you feel like
being single is going to be easier
but the reality is
life is hard with or without a woman.
The good news is none of us are getting out alive.
But seriously life itself is a lot of work
often punctuated by
painful and stressful experiences.
And when you have someone
that cares for you and supports you
and is your teammate
who's actually got your back
when those painful experiences show up
it actually makes life a little bit easier
maybe even worth it.
Many worthwhile things in life
take time and effort
and it's how we look at that time and effort
that colors our perspective about it.
Being fit and healthy feels amazing,
but to get fit and healthy
takes time, effort,
skill development, failure,
and a whole lot of commitment.
Being financially fit feels amazing
but to be financially fit
takes a lot of time, effort, skill development,
failure, and commitment.
Having friends you can count on
and family who are supportive
feels amazing.
But what does it take? Yes, it takes time,
effort, skill development,
failing, and commitment.
And yes, having a wonderful woman,
a girlfriend, or wife by your side
does feel amazing.
And what does it take?
Write it in the comments below
I just gave you the answers.
It takes time, effort,
skill development, failure, commitment,
and most of all, a ton of courage.
You don't have to make the commitment
or make the effort
to be fit or financially secure
or have good friendships
or a good relationship with your family
or a girlfriend.
But if you don't
then you are tricking yourself into thinking
that life is easier being single.
It's not, you're just going to be dealing with it alone.
So, what can you do about this?
I'll tell you in just a second,
but first I want to know
what some of your biases are
that are not serving you any longer?
Write them in the comments below.
And which of these three biases,
these reasons to stay single
do you most identify with?
Is it that no woman is good enough?
You're not good enough?
Or life is easier single?
Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.
And even if you do want to stay single
maybe it's time to change your stinking thinking
if for no one else but you.
Thanks for being here, God bless,
and if you're not a God person
just know that I say that because I wish you
a joyous and happy life.
Not all of us God people
are judgy and boring,
maybe that's a bias we need to let go of.
Subscribe, click the bell,
and if you want to know
where to start working on feeling good enough
if that's the one that most resonated for you,
then you want to watch my video
on how to build confidence.
That's the first place to start.
And again, thanks for being here.
(Music)