the urge a dan and Phil fan fiction by dan howell it was a crisp winter's night
in london england
it was that particular time in late January where there was no longer any
frost but simply biting cold air and what felt like a completely empty
atmosphere
dan howell was walking down the road his tall black silhouette cast shadows from
the artificial amber glow of street lamps his breath formed swells of mist
with every exhalation and he decided to slide his exposed hands inside his coat
pockets to retain some warmth
the street was empty at this time and his footsteps echoed up and down around
him only interrupted by the cruising home of a taxi driving past
he wasn't totally alone after all dan had time to think on this journey time
to think about what had happened the night before the events are played in
his head so many times over that he didn't know whether he could trust their
accuracy or if his own perceptions had rewritten how the events unfolded
anyway he thought about it one thing was certain his friend phil lester was dead
Phil always had a habit of being in the worst place at the worst time it was an
endearing quality that often resulted in funny stories from to share with his
friends or followers on the internet he was a kind person
perhaps that's why he was singled out as a victim it wasn't fair
a painful stab of recollection is shot through Dan's brain as a forcing itself
through a wall that he had built to protect himself he saw it again
the dead lifeless eyes the way it moved so swiftly out of the darkness the blood
the blood was the most vivid memory of all
dan had somehow found himself collapsed in the corner unable to move but out of
the corner of his eye he saw the Crimson trail of his friends life weaving around
the cobblestones of the street and down a drain
dan saw his hand twitching those last moments of resistance and hope that
something someone would be able to save him then it stopped
that is the last time he saw phil lester alive
dan arrived home at their apartment it felt wrong
opening the door to the living room the usual bright colors of their possessions
seemed inappropriate disrespectful even how could anything dare to be so bright
at this time
who turned off the lights and collapsed on the gray carpet of the hallway sleep
the next
day was to be Phil's funeral dan had no interest in going
his friendship with phil was personal to him and not something he wanted to share
with family and friends who would mean well but insult with every word of
comfort
he decided that even if you had to attend physically he would be somewhere
else in his mind he had to Dan remained silent and stoic through the service
people left to return to their lives the relatives trading condolences leaving
down alone in the room with the coffin
he didn't want to look it will be real if he saw he wanted to run away as fast
as he could from this nightmare but he had to see Dan strode over engaged into
the box lifeless
even with Phil's typically pale skin you used to see the warm glow of life within
all that could be seen here was the sickly pale green color of death
dan went to turn away to walk out of the room into a life where everything
familiar was gone when something grabbed his wrist
don't go it's okay dan turn to see the same pale skin here just burned into his
memory gripping at his shirt
he looked up slowly to see his dead friend SAT bolt upright
dan ran not stopping to blink breathe or process a single thought he sprinted out
of the back exit and all the way across the grounds of the building to
underneath the tree he vomited it wasn't real
he was hysterical he tried to rationalize the thoughts in his head as
he shook his eyes with distress
dan stop running I'm not going to hurt you who spun around to see Phil standing
upright as if completely fine with his hands forward as if anticipating Dan's
irrational behavior
you can't I mean this can't be real Dan said grasping behind his back to try and
hold onto the tree as if it was a tethered to reality
you know I'm real dan this is real and I think you know why
no dan shouted and pushed Phil backwards and utter disbelief
Phil grabbed Dan's wrists and pinned him against the tree Dan could feel the
sharp edges prodding uncomfortably into his back as if the tree itself was
pushing him towards the nightmare
it was a vampire the words penetrated into dance head and seemed to pull down
on his soul is if everything had been trying not to believe in the last two
days was sinking like quicksand
I don't know how or if that's exactly what it is but it explains it well
enough
Phil said in a calmer tone
clearly aware of Dan's slow realization you aren't the real Phil
dan said in a flat emotionless tone his head was bowed and Phil's grip it seems
dan wasn't trying to resist anymore
if what you're saying is true you want Phil you just a beast possessing his
body he looked up and stared into Phil's eyes he didn't see the bright blue
pools of life that he used to he saw emptiness
he must be right Phil stared back at dancing his brown iris is blazing with
fury Phil let his grip loosen for a second Dan realized and swung a punch
as hard as he could hitting phil square in the jaw phil reach towards his
lip blood
he looks down at it in a strange way and glanced back up a Dan who almost seemed
to be expecting something Phil decided to wipe the blood on his shirt
I won't lie, Phil sad rearranging his suit jacket and sweeping his black hair
away from his eyes
I feel different I feel urges
I still know who i am what i do for the differences between right and wrong and
yet something within me something primal
shut up dan said clenching his fist and visibly shaking with rage
you are not my friend and if i have to destroy his body to give him peace
do not think that I won't Dan spun around reaching for the sharp wood that
was cutting into his back in one short motion he snapped the branch and
immediately swung towards Phil who as if in slow motion lent backwards smacked
the branch from Dan's hand and grabbed him by the throat
Dan's head banging against the tree with a force that shook leaves from the
branches falling over the boys shoulders
his breath was heavy he could feel the beads of sweat forming on his forehead
this was fear he tried to move but the force his friend was applying to his
neck seem to immovable and impossible
Phil stepped closer until their noses touched and looked Dan directly in the
eyes
I could kill you every fiber of my being is urging me to tilt your head back and
bite your neck but i can choose not to
what Dan said spitting out warmth before taking a huge gasp I don't want to kill
you
I want you to join me dan felt his heart drop in pressure and overwhelming
stillness way through his body until he was stunned into silence
No
please he started you don't have a choice
but I do appreciate it said Phil think about it Dan
things can continue like normal we can tell everyone it was one of those
miracle situations where i was never actually dead
we can go back to her apartment and continue our normal lives with some
dietary adjustments I guess
dan had completely lost his ability to think part of it made sense
maybe it would be okay if he didn't have to lose his friend or his own life he
knew it wasn't true though even though phil was right in front of him
there was no breath coming out of his lips the only sensation he experienced
was the damp chill of Phil's skin pressing against his
just then Dan noticed a man who must be the groundskeeper walking by in the distance
Dan had made his choice and he knew it would be the right one
help dan shouted shaking as hard as he could causing Phil to almost loosen his
grip
he's trying to kill, it then he felt it too sharp stabs pierced the skin of his
neck Dan dropped his arms and buckled his knees he had lost
Phil moved in closer pinning Dan's body against the tree as he gulped gallons of
thick blood through his teeth and down his throat
Phil almost felt himself losing control feeling a desire to completely give into
a more powerful force within himself
no he said pulling away feeling the blood run down his neck past the collar
of shirt
quickly he raised his wrist and pierced his own veins drink
he ordered pressing his wrist again stands mouth dan with the last moments
of his feeding energy attempted to resist pitifully shrugging his shoulders
it wouldn't be enough his natural instinct to breathe opened his lips and
the pungent taste of iron filled his mouth and flowed across his tongue
Dan's vision faded to black blinking vision hazy and unclear a yellow light a
white ceiling
after what seemed like a dreamy eternity unable to move Dan's eyes focused and
notice the familiar patterns of his bedroom ceiling
he was home had it all been a dream Dan asked himself this is he reached a touch
his bare chest with his fingers he could still feel
surely that meant he was still alive his hand stopped
palm lying flat over his chest he tried to focus all senses on detecting
something anything
no pulse he looked to the right to suddenly notice Phil sitting in a chair
leaning over his bed
how do you feel he asked with what seemed like a degree of confidence
Dan's eyes darted up and down trying to decide what he made of this person or
whatever it was sitting next to him he set up and swung his legs over the bed
lifting his head up with a strange new assuredness he had never felt before
he locked eyes with his friend hungry dan said feeling within him an urge a
biological mission he now felt he had to begin me to feel said with a smirk
why don't we go find someone to eat the end