If you have a fear of public speaking, because you know that you're
concerned about what other people think, and you're noticing that
because of those fears, you're giving up on opportunities or you're
finding that it's difficult to step up in leadership, then this is a
video for you because I'm going to be sharing three ways that you can
stop caring, how other people think so that you can get your ideas out
there and be able to communicate with ease.
So let's talk about this a little bit when it comes to fear of what
other people think or over concerned about what others thinks, why
does it happen?
The essence of that fear is rejection, right?
In terms of rejection, that's a little bit of unpredictability in
terms of will they reject, will they not reject and there presents as
a risk to us.
But if you really look at the root of rejection itself, why does
rejection hurt?
Right?
So I really want to share this with you so that you have some
awareness of yourself, because when you are aware of why I react that
way, why do I, why do I fear those things?
Why do I do what I do?
And why has this been a pattern for me is when you really understand
yourself, this is where you can truly empower yourself to be able to
do things that you have not be able to do before.
So let's talk about this just a little bit before I get into the three
ways on how to overcome it.
So when it comes to rejection, why does that really hurt is because
inside your brain, when you experience physical pains, let's say you
stubbed your toe on something, right?
Or you hit your knee.
It feels painful.
And that pain registers in our brain.
So if I were to hook you up to a functional MRI and you experienced
pain in your body of a stubbed toe hurt knee, anything like that,
certain areas of your brain will light up and register that pain.
Well, these certain areas of the brain that light up to physical
pains, they're the exact same areas.
And very similar areas that light up when we experience social pains
and social pain refers to rejections, right?
That type of turning down that type of abandonment from a group or a
tribe or that type of rejection from them.
So this is the same.
Our brain is registering the same emotions as we do in physical pain.
And that is the essence of why social pain due to rejection hurts.
Right.
So knowing this about yourself, that is what gives you the control to
empower yourself beyond the meetings.
So I want to hear from you comment below, share with me as we go on
what you have learned, what your key takeaways are, because knowledge
just learning this information is not enough because it's just
potential power.
But when you want to go up to your fullest potential, this is where
you have to implement your knowledge.
So comment below.
And as we go through this, let me know what takeaways you have
learned.
All right?
So let's go to the three different ways.
The first way to stop caring what others think is to redirect your
locus of control.
Look as french hole, that phrase, what it means is your perception of
where you have your most power, right.
Your perception of where you have authority to make that change.
And there's two types of locuses of control.
You have an internal locus, or you have an external locus.
So when you have an external locus of control, what that causes is a
perception that things happen to me right they're outside of my
control.
I can't make things happen.
Life happens to me, and this is what happens.
And I just have to see what will happen, where it will take me.
That's an external locus of control.
So on the flip side, an internal locus of control is where you feel
that I have the power to make things happen instead of waiting for
them to happen to me, instead of waiting for life to happen to me, I
make things happen in my life.
I am master of my own destiny, and that is called an internal locus of
control.
So as you can imagine, the difference between just that shift from
external to internal, this is truly empowering.
And you have an internal locus control.
Now you are in control of your own lives.
You take back the steering wheel of your life.
You master your own destiny.
You can master your life as well, right?
So when you redirect your locus of control, this is the foundation
that will give you the empowerment from the inside out, not the
outside in, but the inside out to make things happen.
Because oftentimes when we feel that I'm, I'm overly concerned with
what other people think of me, what others think is an external locus.
Isn't it true?
Wouldn't you agree with me that you cannot control what other people
think of you.
You definitely cannot control how they respond to as a result of what
they think.
And the only thing we have control of is our own perceptions and our
own actions, but the actions come from the perceptions we have.
So if you take back control of those things that you do have control
over, then you truly have an internal locus of control and you stop
caring what other people think, right?
So that is the first way that you can take this empowerment to levels
that you've never experienced before.
And therefore have a freedom from that, that you've never experienced
before.
The second way to stop caring what others think is to reevaluate your
relationship with fear.
So when it comes to care over concerns about what other people think
there are two reasons why we can be overly concerned with that.
And both of these reasons pertain to fear, right?
The first type of fear is fearing the loss of respect from them or the
loss of a relationship that we could potentially have with them or
that we already have with them.
And the second one is the fear of gaining the consequences of
rejection, right?
Gaining all the negative emotions or gaining those negative
experiences that come up as a consequence of rejection.
So we fear those things.
And both of those fears together, the summation of them causes us to
be overly concerned with what other people think of us, because we
fear losing their relationship with them, or we fear gaining those
negative consequences or experiences as a result of their rejection.
So when it comes to seeking that relationship or seeking the respect
from that relationship and all of the collaborative experiences that
could potentially come out of that relationship, because chances are
you value that relationship for what ever reason.
And that's why we seek out that relationship to maintain it or build
it and so on.
But anytime that you seek a relationship, a workplace relationship or
other, anytime you seek relationships and you seek all of the
positives associated with the relationship in terms of respect and you
speak it, you seek it with the expectation of avoiding rejection or
avoiding the possibility of rejection is not possible because life
gives you both.
In terms of, remember I mentioned before the external locus of
control, we cannot control what other people think of us or whether or
not they will reject us.
So anytime that you, the moment that you try and you have that
expectation to seek only the side of it, where it's going to be
respectful and only this side of it, where they are supportive and own
this side of it, where they give you the value that you're looking for
in that relationship.
And you're seeking it without the possibility of rejection.
This is where your intuition steps in and gives you those emotions of
fear and that emotion that you're feeling serves a purpose.
It's serving you to show you intuitively that life gives you both, and
it's not a reasonable expectation, and it's not authentic as well to
seek a relationship or seek life experiences that give you all of the
positive things in the absence of all of the unwanted experiences as
well.
Right?
So that's why it's really important.
If you were an executive in a corporation or you are in the running to
become an executive.
One of the most important skills that you can develop is the skill of
self-governance.
Self-governance is the ability to be able to understand with true and
genuine reflective awareness, where am I feeling?
What am I feeling right now?
Why am I feeling this way?
And how do I overcome it so that I can have a very composed and very
balanced state of mind.
And this is where you can restore your equanimity, which is the
calmness and the state of mind, the creative zone, the innovation as
well, and being, and doing so with inspiration and enthusiasm along
the way.
So self-governance allows you to perform at your highest level , but
also at the same time to think in creative ways so that you can have
meaningful relationships with other people embracing and being able to
navigate the complexities of support and challenged.
So that is self-governance and it is one of the most important skills
if you are an executive or if you want to be, become an executive one
day.
So if you're curious and you understand it right now, as I'm speaking
with you, you really do see the importance of self-governance and this
skill, and also be able to navigate the relationship and any
communications that you have along the way and you're seeing that I
really want to develop this skill and you're serious about it.
Then I invite you to work with me.
Every week I work with executives or people in the running for
executives.
And every week I teach skills, teach how to master these skill sets
and how to master your communications as well.
So if you're serious about working with me, then I invite you to look
below this video in the description.
The very first link is a link for you to apply to my coaching program.
And this is where I'll walk you through the steps every step of the
way, anything that you want to develop, anything that you want to take
the next take your career to the next level.
However you define it.
Then I invite you to apply for that in the link, the video below.
And I look forward to working with you on the inside.
The third way to stop caring what others think of you is to reinstate
your authentic self, right.
Your authentic self.
Now there's a lot of misinformation of what it means to be authentic
and how to become more authentic.
There's a lot of misinformation out there because you might've seen
this right, in some, you know, in some information that you can
receive out there.
A lot of people say, well, being authentic just means being yourself.
And they just say be yourself.
But here's the thing about that.
When those moments where you were really fearful about what other
people think, and you hesitate to speak up, even in those moments, you
were being yourself.
That was genuinely who you are in that moment.
So if someone tells you to be yourself and that's being authentic,
that's why you're noticing that sometimes it just doesn't work because
the self, the true self that you were in that moment is the one that
was fearful.
And you weren't faking it.
You were being yourself in the moment where you were scared of what
other people think, or if you're over-concerned, you really were being
yourself.
So it's not helpful just to say, be yourself, being authentic,
becoming your true, authentic self is being balanced in your mind,
having a balanced perspective it's being neutral and objective.
And it's also living by your highest values, because oftentimes when
we are in the presence of other people and we're concern with what
they think, one of the reasons why we're concerned with what they
think.
I mean, if you look in your life, it's not that you're concerned with
every single person that's involved in your life.
It's not that you're concerned with how everyone in your life thinks
about you.
There's usually a key group of people or certain individuals, but have
you ever thought yourself why those people and not why the other
people, right?
Chances are the people that you are particularly concerned about, what
they think they have, something that you perceive that you do not have
in that case, this is where it, that's why you're noticing that the
more we are over concerned with what others think, the more we need
external validation for our self-worth or the more that we feel that
we are inadequate in our work or not intelligence or what we bring the
value we bring to that relationship.
And it feels quite imbalanced.
But when you are your authentic self, you are objective, you're living
by your highest values and the things that you're able to produce.
And the conversations you are able to have are really ones where you
don't need to prove yourself, where you have that self-worth and you
have that balance.
And this is particularly important that self-governance I talked about
earlier and the authentic self that I talked about in this point as
well.
And the previous point, these two points are very important,
particularly, as you are climbing up to the next levels and higher,
higher leadership in your career path, because the higher you climb in
your career path, or the farther you want to grow, the more that you
will need to deal with ambiguity.
And the more that the pressures of that growth will be able to
challenge you and challenge your state of mind as well.
So that's why it's particularly important to be operating from your
executive centers and not operating from the fears I described
earlier.
Right.
So I hope this was helpful for you.
And by the way, if this really resonated with you, give me a thumbs up
and remember to subscribe to my channel as well, ring that bell below
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video.
Stay tuned because in the next video, I'm going to be sharing with you
how you can be yourself, how you can be authentic without trying so
hard, to try to please somebody or try so hard to prove yourself, how
do you just be in that present moment?
So that video is coming up next.