Is chivalry dead in modern dating?
What are the rules with payment nowadays?
Today, I'm succinctly answering the question of who should pay on the first date?
Stick around
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Okay, so this is a fascinating topic, and it's one that gets a lot of attention in the
dating literature and from various coaches.
Who should pay on the first date?
What's a simple and succinct answer that works for everyone that means we can still enjoy
dating?
To add to the complexity of this question, a lot of you will have different opinions
out there.
You know there's some of you out there watching this who will think that a man should always
pay and that it's completely ungentlemanly for a man not to pay.
In a lot of cases, this is what your parents and grandparents taught you and that's your
belief.
And in other cases, there's some of you who will consider it an insult to your quality
as females for man to pay for you.
So what's the middle ground?
Well, we did a video a few weeks ago on how to find a boyfriend and we talked about standards,
expectations, and being picky.
It's a great video.
If you haven't watched it, you definitely should.
But the answer to who should pay for a date is actually hidden in that question as well.
It's a matter of semantics, and let's look at standards versus expectations again.
Remember, expectations only determine how you feel.
You expect a certain result, and if you get more than that result, you experience a feeling
of gratefulness or appreciation.
And if you get less than that result, you get pissed off.
If you get what you expect, then you're in the neutral feeling.
Your standards are what you get.
Your standards all you'll filter and what you end up with.
So while your expectations determine how you feel, your standards determine what you get
and hidden in this different in semantics is the answer to the question of who should
pay on the first date.
The answer is always enter the date expecting and assuming you will pay for yourself.
Now, I know what you're thinking right now or what a lot of you are thinking.
You're thinking, bugger that Mark.
It's not, it's not unreasonable for me to expect a man to pay.
I deserve nothing less and should accept nothing less.
I know some of you are thinking that if you're thinking that, you've made the mistake of
thinking that your standards and your expectations are the same thing, you see the first half
of that statement is a bad expectations.
Bugger that Mark, there's nothing wrong with me expecting a man to pay.
Well, that kind of is, you've got your own income.
It's not an automatic right anymore, but the second part of the statement does not equal
the first.
I should accept nothing less.
Well, you don't have to.
Let's take an example scenario and let's say that 50% of men in the world are chivalrous.
50% of men offer to pay for you and 50% don't.
Well, if you went to the diet with high standards and high expectations, 50% of the men are
going to pay.
That means you're going to feel neutral because you're expecting it and you're going to see
those guys again cause they meet your standards.
50% won't pay, which means you're going to feel pissed off because they didn't pay.
It was below your expectations and you're not going to see those guys again because
they didn't meet your standards.
Now, let's take a second scenario where you went to the date with low expectations but
still high standards.
50% of men are chivalrous and offer to pay for you.
Hey, that's great.
You're grateful, you're appreciative, it exceeded your expectations and you see them again cause
they met your standards.
50% of men don't.
Okay, so you feel neutral, you're not pissed off cause you're expecting that and you don't
see those guys again because you apply your standards.
In either case your standards filter in the gauze you want and don't want and you get
the result.
If you're more chivalrous minded, you still need to get the chivalrous guys and if you
don't care, well you can filter guys on other, other things, but it's the way you feel that's
different.
If you enter the date with high expectations, you end up feeling either neutral or pissed
off.
If you enter the date with no expectations, you end up feeling either neutral or grateful.
When you enter the date with low expectations and high standards and you realize those two
are very different things, you end up feeling great and appreciative about dating the vast
majority of the time.
You see, always expecting men to pay for you is a lose-lose.
Not only do you get really pissed off at all the ones who don't pay and don't want to come
back to dating, but you start taking for granted the ones that do.
Lower your expectations and realize that it doesn't mean lowering your standards.
Keep your standards high and you'll be able to have a more enjoyable dating experience
where you experience more gratefulness and the men feel appreciated when they do decide
to pay.
If your standards are for chivalrous guy, you're still going to get that and if you
don't mind, well, you're still going to get the guy you want to, but you're going to keep
coming back to dating because you're experiencing good emotions.
Well, that's it.
Thank you so much for watching.
I hope you enjoyed the video that answers this common question in a hopefully very simple
way.
Let me know your thoughts, comments, questions in the space below.
Give the video, a thumbs up, and don't forget to subscribe.
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And I look forward to seeing you in the next video very soon.
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