Extra English Practice
Hey, everyone. We're going to talk some more about conversation skills, and
specifically today we're going to look at how to be a good listener.
When you're developing your conversation skills,
there really are two things you need to focus on.
One is what you say and how you say it, but the other one is how you
respond when someone is speaking to you.
We call that active listening and it's very important,
so we'd like to talk about some ways that you can be a good active listener.
When you're having a conversation with somebody in English.
The first thing is you want to think about your body language.
So there are two main areas here. One is eye contact.
In our culture, you make eye contact quite a bit when you're talking.
So I would be looking at Larissa's eyes most of the time in our conversation.
Um, I also would nod my head, so if she's telling me a story, I'll go [nods]. Yeah. That's it.
And if she's not making eye contact with me, if I notice she's looking over here
or at her watch or somewhere else, I feel like she's not interested in what I have to say,
and I don't want to work at continuing this conversation. Mm-hmm.
You want to be a little careful because too much eye contact is uncomfortable, so,
while most of the time, I'm looking at Larissa's eyes, I will occasionally look away and look back
so it makes us both more comfortable if we do that.
We'll give you.. we'll show you some examples. Yeah.
Another aspect of active listening has to do with the sounds that we make while we're listening,
so we actually make some..just noises. These are noises like "uh-huh", "hmm", "ahhh".
These don't ... they're not really words (yeah), but when I make a sound like that when Misha's talking to me,
she knows that I'm interested. She knows that I'm paying attention. Mm-hmm.
And it encourages her. I just did it, did you hear it? Not on purpose!
And it encourages her to want to say more. Mm-hmm.
The other thing you might do is say some short words or phrases,
so for example I might say, "Oh, really?" or "What?" or "That's interesting."
Things like this, small things, they're not really... she's continuing talking,
I'm just adding those in on the side just to show that I'm really listening.
Something else you might do is repeat back part of the sentence that someone has said to you.
So, for example, if Misha said, "Hey, I heard there was a tornado warning last night",
I might say, "A tornado warning?". Something like that.
Another thing you might do is ask follow-up questions. So Larissa could tell me about her weekend,
and I say, "Oh, who did you do that with?" or "When did you get home?"
,or something like this, shows that I'm listening and interested in what she has to say.
And more than any of these suggestions, this is the one that will make me want to say more.
This is the one that will encourage more conversation. Mm-hmm.
We'd like to now do some of the examples. I'm going to say a sentence,
and Misha will react four different ways to show you the differences.
Misha, I tried a new restaurant this weekend! MMMmmm -- That was a noise.
Misha I tried a new restaurant this weekend! Oh, cool! -- Expression. (Mm-hmm)
Misha, this weekend I tried a new restaurant! Oh, a new restaurant? -- Repeat.
Hey, Misha, this weekend I tried a brand new restaurant! Oh, what kind of food was it? -- Follow-up question.
Yeah. We're gonna put this all together now and show you what happens
when someone uses these skills and when someone doesn't.
Misha is going to tell me a story and you can watch my reaction and see how you feel.
Larissa, so my mom's birthday was a couple of months ago,
and for her birthday I really wanted to get her a good present,
but I didn't know what to get and I have a bit of a reputation in my family for giving bad birthday presents,
so I was trying really hard to think of something,
and then I remembered that she likes this sheepskin rug that I have in my apartment
that I bought when I was visiting friends in Bosnia,
so I texted my friends, and I said can you get me another of these at the market
and mail it back to me, but it didn't get there in time,
so at the birthday party everyone else was giving her presents,
and I didn't have anything to give her, and I felt so silly, but a couple weeks later
it showed up, and I gave her the present and she said it was the best present she's ever got
because she was so amazed that I got something shipped from all the way around the world just for her.
Oh, interesting.
Hey, Larissa, a couple months ago, it was my mom's birthday. Yeah? Mm-hmm,
and I was trying to think of what to get her.. ugh, so hard! Right?... but I couldn't decide,
and I was thinking about all these different things and I have this sort of
reputation in my family for being bad at choosing gifts (oh, dear!) so I wanted to really
give her a good one (yeah!) for this birthday so I thought that she... I remembered she liked this sheepskin rug
that I have in my apartment. Ooo, sheepskin rug? Mm-hmm. I bought it in Bosnia when I was visiting friends.
When did you go to Bosnia? Oh, last summer. Oh, wow! Mmm hmm.
So I texted my friends, and I said, "Hey, could you buy another one of these at the market and ship it to me?"
Yeah? Mm-hmm. And then it took a long time, so by the time my mom's birthday party happened,
it hadn't got here yet. Oh no! I know!
So when everyone else was giving her their presents, and I didn't have one
to give her... [sound] What happened? Well, I felt really silly, but I just told her,
"I've got something. It's in the mail." And then a few weeks later, it arrived,
and I gave it to her (yeah?) and she loved it! She loved it? Oh, I'm glad to hear that!
It was really good; she said it's one of her favorite presents,
and she loved that I had it sent all the way over. Aww, what a great story!
Hey, Larissa. A couple months ago, it was my mom's birthday. Yeah? Mm-hmm.
And I was trying to think of what to get her... oh, so hard! Right? ... but I couldn't decide,
and I was thinking about all these different things, and I have this sort of
reputation in my family for being bad at choosing gifts (oh dear!), so I wanted to really
give her a good one for this (yeah!) birthday, so I thought that she...
I remembered she liked this sheepskin rug that I have in my apartment. Ooo, sheepskin rug? Mm-hmm.
I bought it in Bosnia when I was visiting friends. When did you go to Bosnia? Oh, last summer. Oh, wow.
Mm hmm. so I texted my friends, and I said, "Hey, could you buy another one of these at the market and ship it to me?"
Yeah? Mm-hmm. And then it took a long time, so by the time my mom's birthday party happened,
it hadn't got here yet. Oh no! I know. So when everyone else was giving her their presents,
and I didn't have one to give her. Oo, what happened? Well, I felt really silly,
but I just told her, "I've got something; it's in the mail".
And then a few weeks later it arrived and I gave it to her (yeah?), and she loved! She loved it?
Mm hmm. Oh, I'm glad to hear that! It was really good.
She said it's one of her favorite presents, and she loved that I had it sent all the way over.
Aww, what a great story!
So that first example I was definitely exaggerating;
nobody would just stare blankly or look away that much, but how did you feel the
first time when you were talking to me and I wasn't responding?
Well it felt like.. you didn't like me! It also felt like why was I continuing talking when
obviously you were not interested? Yeah.
And the second time? The second time was like our normal conversations!
I think you're interested to hear what I have to say, and I want to keep telling you stuff.
So when you're having a conversation with someone in English,
try out these techniques to help the other person feel more comfortable with you.
Nod your head and make eye contact (mm hmm), make some noises like Misha just did [laughs].
Mm hmm. Mm hmm.
Make some small expressions or short words -- "oh, cool"
or repeat what they say and ask follow-up questions.
Happy conversing! Yeah.
Mm hmm. Mm hmm! [laughs]
That's right! That's right! [both laugh because Misha says this allllll the time]
Extra English Practice
Sooo! So so so!
[whispers] Stay still. [laughs]