Research shows that living in the midst
of high-conflict relationships
can actually damage your health,
shorten your life span and can even make your brain age faster.
So, how can you fix a relationship when it's going wrong?
Talking about it at an early stage,
but talking about it when you're calm.
So actually setting aside some time
where you're not going to have distractions
and you can talk to the other person
but in just quite a neutral, pragmatic
'how are we going to sort this out?' kind of a way.
I think the longer you try and bottle it up
the more it comes out as a snippy comment here and there.
If something's wrong or something annoys you,
bring it up sooner rather than later.
If there are difficulties around your sex life remember this -
in a committed monogamous relationship
you're the only other person who can give that to your partner.
So it's really imperative that you do both find a happy medium
that satisfies both of you.
The couples that have been together for a longer period,
they talked about the fact that the relationship
is just not as passionate as it was,
but that wasn’t an issue for them.
So the people who had a good sex life,
it seemed to be like an added bonus.
They were strongly attracted to each other,
sex was a good connection for them,
but it was an additional benefit
on top of the friendship and the companionship.
Be honest with each other about what you need in the bedroom,
be proactive and really take your time to work at it,
because it may not happen overnight
but you do want to reach a point where you're both satisfied.
Do we actually have a good friendship that's going to last the course?
It's not just that I'm attracted to this person,
but actually we have enough in common
that in 30, 40 years' time,
if we've had kids and they've left home,
we're still going to enjoy each other's company.
I think...
we definitely have a foundation of friendship.
We mostly hang out with each other
so if you didn’t like spending time with each other it's probably...
That would be a bit rubbish.
I'd say you're my best friend.
The longer you're going out with someone,
the more of a confidante they become,
and the more you open up about things you wouldn't even open up to
your best mates about.
Yeah.
What was the question?
One lady told me 'well I wasn't expecting it to be Cinderella'
and 'roses every day'
and so they weren’t disappointed
because their expectations were quite realistic in the first place.
We had to decide very quickly , because I'm from an Indian family,
they didn’t necessarily approve of me dating a white person.
It's all fine now, it did mean we had to decide
very early on how committed we were because it's not easy.
It's normal to have fights,
that doesn't mean that it's the end of the relationship.
So instead of the either the Disney story
or the Photoshopped lives of celebrities,
actually real life isn't like that.
And sometimes you've got to get your head down
and you've got to work at it.
Appreciation and not becoming complacent is so important,
at the end of the day it doesn't matter if you've been together
for a few years or you've been married for thirty,
the fact that that person's choosing to be with you is massive.
So always appreciate them and their presence in your life
and all that they bring to it.
And the more you appreciate them and show it
the more they'll do for you.
Well you're very intelligent, incredibly determined.
You're just, um...
You're just like... I dunno. I just like hanging out with you.
She's just a very
kind, nice, generous person.
You should write these things on Post-It notes
and just leave them around the house.
Put them on the mirror for you in the morning.
Whilst positive relationships are really important for our health,
negative relationships are really bad for our health.
So it's so important to know when to draw the line and walk away.
Now it may be that one of you wants to work on the relationship
and the other one doesn't, and if one of you is motivated
but both of you are not it's not going to work.
On the other hand if you're in a mentally
or physically abusive relationship for example,
then you have to own your own worth
and know that you deserve so much better than that.
You have to be able to walk away to protect your own mental health
and wellbeing, not just now but in your future as well.
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