Gentlemens Game here. Today I'm gonna tell you a story about an amazing date I was on
with someone who ended up being my girlfriend for a while. And Maybe you'll pick up a few
ideas of things YOU can start doing on your OWN dates.
So For the sake of this story, let's call her Marie. I actually first met Marie outside
a park in downtown New York. I don't really remember what I first said to her to be honest..
probably something I noticed about her outfit.
But I do remember her telling me she was on her way to dance class, and then agreed to
give me her number to hang out sometime.
After a bit of texting, she agrees to come out with me 2 days later. I already thought
she was cute, but She also seemed pretty down to earth and chill, so I really wanted the
date to go well.
So, I wanna first talk about the “prework” of the date, or the MINDSET that I went into
the date with. Mindset is half the battle, and can make a HUGE difference between a great
date and a bad one.
I made sure to get into a playful, fun mood as much as possible. There's tricks you can
do to get yourself into this state. For example, I do this by laughing at some memes right
before the date. And this makes the date way more lowpressure, relaxed and fun.
So anyways, she meets me by a Barnes and Noble. I give her a hug, then I remember complimenting
her hair. I think it's always a good idea to notice something about your date that catches
your eye.
It lets her know that you're paying attention, and makes her feel appreciated.
Then I tell her “follow me, I know this dope eating spot around here, it's pretty
lowkey so not a lot of people know about it.” And I just start walking, making small talk
with her asking how her day was.
When you're on a date, you're supposed to tell her where to go, to make the decisions
and LEAD her.
It's sort of what women expect you to do as the guy. If you cant lead, it means youre
unreliable, you're indecisive and cant get things done. And That, is unattractive.
Anyways we get to the restaurant. It's a tiny space, probably less than 500 square feet
and can seat like 20 people.
I made sure to order the same thing for us: their signature friedchicken buns with sweet
potato fries drizzled in their secret sauce.
the reason I do this is bc studies actually show that when you order and eat the same
food with someone, you subconsciously build rapport and trust with that person faster.
A Professor found in her experiment, that participants who ate the same foods together
reached agreements twice as quickly and were more generous with their money, compared to
those who ate different foods.
It's something that goes all the way back to our caveman days. We trust that our food
will nourish us, so, we're more likely to trust people who eat that same food.
Anyways, back to the date. I wanted to take Marie to this restaurant in particular because
of the layout. Because there werent that many seats, we pretty much had to sit next to each
other instead of across.
This is another thing I think is helpful to know on dates: ALWAYS sit next to them if
possible, instead of across. It's way more casual and more likely to lead to fun playful
interactions, instead of having that weird interviewy really kinda formal vibe.
I ask her questions about herself that I'm genuinely curious about, like why she wanted
to be dancer, why she chose to study in New York, etc. Remember guys, it's as important
to be INTERESTED than to be INTERESTING, especially if you want to win her over.
And also Whenever I make a joke or laugh, I'll lightly touch her shoulder or her elbow
casually.
This is also important. As a guy on a date, you have to be comfortable with knowing WHEN
and HOW to use physical touch. I know a lot of guys will listen to this and be scared
that they're coming off as creepy or pushy.
But realize that human beings need physical touch in order to connect with someone. Its
why we hug and kiss the people we love. So u have to touch her to get her more comfortable
around you.
Again it all comes back to how casually you do it. If you're gonna make touching her into
this HUGE deal, then yeah its weird. But if you're just joking around, then casually touch
her in a “safe area” like the arms/shoulders, or knees if you're sitting down, to emphasize
a point, then that's completely fine.
At the end of the day, girls know why they're on a date. They expect you to be a gentlemen,
but they also expect you to have the balls to make a move if you're interested. Also,
I've notice that the EARLIER I start doing this casual, light hearted touching, the MORE
likely the girl will start becoming flirtier later on.
After we finish eating, I bring her to this huge park nearby, It's actually one of the
most famous in all of the city, since the views of the city are so beautiful at night.
Again, I just real casually lead the date, like “hey I know this awesome park nearby,
it has the most beautiful views, you'll love it” and just start walking.
So, as a general rule I like having AT LEAST 2, preferably 3 different locations to stop
at and hang out during a date. The reasons why this is so important in my opinion, is
PERCEIVED time.
What this means is that the MORE different places you go to with that person, the LONGER
it'll feel like you've been with them. For example, lets say you spend 60 minutes in
a restaurant with a friend, vs 60 minutes hanging out at a restaurant, then going to
a bar, then getting dessert.
The SECOND use of your 60 minutes is gonna FEEL longer than the first one, because you
are experiencing more variety. And its the same principle on a date. If you can bring
a girl from place A, to place B, to place C even.. all in 1 night, then she's gonna
think “Wow, this guy's taking me to so many places! This is exciting, I'm having so much
fun.”
And the more spots you bring her, the MORE you two will build trust. Again it's like
“Hey, I'm gonna make sure you have a great time, you can trust me. I got you”
So we finally get to the park. Im still doing everything I've been doing.. making her laugh,
holding strong eye contact, leaning in slightly when I talk, being a bit flirty and playful
with my touch.
We're just slowly pacing around the park, taking in the sights. One thing to note is
that even though we're making conversation, it doesn't feel forced at all. Do NOT think
that one of you always has to be talking at all times. Silences aren't always bad.
In fact, when done correctly silences can create even more romantic tension between
you two. So don't feel the need to talk just to fill the void of silence, let her be the
one to initiate conversation from time to time.
At this point, Marie is opening up more to me about her childhood, her desire to be a
professional dancer, and her love of hop hop and reggae music. I notice she's leaning in
a bit more when she's talking.
When I start noticing these “signs of interest”, I pretty much know that it's time for me to
start being a bit more direct.
Basically, mid conversation, I just completely stop talking, look at her and said, “You
know you're actually really cute” , then resume the conversation as if I never stopped.
I like this because it completely caught her off guard. She was completely into the convo
and didnt expect it, so she has this completely confused look of “Wait, what did he just
say?” but I could see her smiling.
This is when the friendly touching turns into some hand holding, and then 10 minutes later
some kissing.
I have to emphasize how important this is to just GO for it, if you feel like she's
interested in you. The key is to be able to vibe with her and be aware of how receptive
she is to being kissed. Is she smiling or laughing a lot? Does she like being physically
close to you? If yes, then MAKE A MOVE.
At this point in the date, we were holding hands laughing and walking around like a couple.
I eventually walk her back to her train station for her to get home, kiss her goodbye and..
that's pretty much it.
I like to end my dates on a high note, especially when I know she would have wanted to hang
out longer. I find that it makes them want to see you even more.
Looking back, it sounds a bit boring when you break everything we did on the date: eat
at a lowkey place, then walked around a nice park and took in the sun set. But that's the
point I was trying to make; dates don't have to be fancy and extravagant to lead somewhere.
They just have to be fun.
By the end of the date, I knew that she was really into me, because I focused on the VIBE
and ENERGY between us, instead of stressing over taking her to some fancy restaurant or
impressing her with my 2000 dollar watch.
So, let's quickly recap.
#1. Get into a fun and playful mindset before the date. This will make it way easier to
be cool, calm and charming.
#2. LEADING. So making sure you're handling the logistics of where to go, what to do so
that she doesn't have to worry about anything and have a great time. Remember, having multiple
locations planned already will make time spent with you that much more exciting.
#3. VIBING with her. This is where stuff like eye contact, sitting next to her, and joking
around become useful. The key is to be genuinely curious about what she's like.
#4. Power of human touch. So Casually using touch to connect with her more. Start with
“safe zones” like the shoulder or arm. When you get the sense she likes you, you
can try holding hands or casually putting your arm around the small of her back.
#5. And finally .. GO for it. When you're starting to get the sense she's into you,
GO for it. Doesn't matter how, can be holding her hand, going for a kiss, telling her how
attractive you find her. If you're NOT sure whether she's into you, check out my video
on how to tell how into you a girl is. Obviously if she's not smiling laughing or making it
obvious she likes you, you should NOT go for a kiss.
That's it for the video and I hoped you learned something. Next week I have a banger video
for you guys, so make sure to like and subscribe, and as always, PEACE.