Earlier this week I was forced to share a cab
to the Apollo Theater
with our associate producer, Jordan Schlansky.
(audience cheers)
If you're at all familiar with Jordan,
you know how painful an experience that was for me.
Thankfully, I had my phone and one of our sponsors,
Google Play, to help me endure this session.
Take a look.
Apollo Theater, please.
Broadway was originally named by the Dutch
in a colony of New Amsterdam.
New Amsterdam.
(Speaks in foreign language), or away,
was a naturally created path,
usually from heavy foot traffic or perhaps animals.
Why are we riding together?
How did this?
We're both going in the same direction.
Shouldn't we, I know.
Why wouldn't we ride together.
Well, do you really want me to answer that question?
We wouldn't ride together
because you're such an irritating person.
(audience laughs)
Do you mind if I open Google Play?
Do something other than listen to you.
I might play Angry Birds Match.
Right.
The Broadway that was present in New Amsterdam
only went as high as (speaks in foreign language).
Which is typically called Wall Street and, in fact,
the reason it was called (speaks in foreign language).
Ah, come on!
Is because-- It's my fault.
A wooden wall was present there
to keep out anyone north of that point.
I'm playing Angry Birds Match, I'm not looking at you,
I'm totally engaged in this game,
that's a signal to most people to maybe stop talking.
Steam is a utility supplied by Con Edison.
New York City has one of the highest quality
tap waters in the world.
The maximum theoretical temperature
of 212 degrees fahrenheit.
The American version of Focaccia
is a very dense, spongy bread.
Duran Duran had a quote in their song, Steam in the Subway,
which is technically incorrect.
I consider the soundtrack to Footloose
to be a bit overrated, I like the deep cuts.
How many friends do you have, I mean real friends?
Not concerned with friends.
That means no friends.
Jordan, it appears we are at the Apollo Theater.
Yes.
And I hope I never see you again.
Now the marquee above us was originally, of course,
an analog marquee, and--
Got one.
Now of course it's electronic, but can also--
Can you stay here? You stay here.
Bye.
(audience cheers)
He's a real guy!