Uh, it's a long story.
Can I borrow a pickaxe?
A pick- I can't give a pickaxe to an unsupervised minor.
What do you need it for?
I'm gonna enlarge the pothole out in the school driveway,
to make the biggest bus bounce in history.
Wait, wait, oh, wait. No, no. What am I thinking?
You're gonna need a jackhammer.
And some adult supervision.
Gordy, open up.
[knocking]
Gordy, I can see you.
Are you healthy? This flu is nasty.
Kids are throwing up like crazy.
Shouldn't you be cleaning it up?
Let the night guy get it.
Gordy, I am two tenths of a degree
from being sent home.
I need something to keep me germ free
for the rest of the day until seventh period.
Are you claustrophobic?
Perfect. No germs in there. It's vacuum sealed.
Why do you have this?
I used to have a hamster.
This big?
Yeah. Now whatever you do,
don't get caught in the sunlight.
It gets really hot in there.
Which is sort of how I lost the hamster.
Gordy, this looks like the same stuff
that's been in the lost and found all year.
That's because it is the same stuff.
Where's all the other stuff?
- Burned it. - What?
Yeah, I know it's a little harsh,
but one time there was this really smelly
pair of sneakers that I had to burn and it was awesome.
Did you burn my backpack?
I don't burn backpacks.
Oooh, but wouldn't that be something.
Why didn't you burn any of this stuff?
I can't burn that stuff. That's the display.
But this forgotten C minus social studies project,
[chuckles]
You know Moze, vikings didn't bury
their leaders when they died.
They put them in long wooden ships
and cremated them at sea, like this.
[gasping] Bum bum bum bum.
Hello? Hello? Hello? I need to find my backpack.
My diaries in it.
[gasping] Ouch.
Alright, Moze. I'll help you put up lost backpack posters.
We'll find it.
Gordy, you're awesome.
Take it.
Ooh. [chuckles]
Working out is for suckers. You don't need to be stronger,
you just need to look stronger.
What do I have to do?
Absolutely nothing.
Works for me.
Wait, here, I'll show you. Here. Stand up straight.
Suck in the gut, chest out, arms up, on the tippy toes,
big breath in, uh.
And uh, put one of these guys in your mouth.
What's the toothpick for?
That shows everybody that you eat meat.
Uh. [chuckles]
Now go and get them. Need bath bead.
[chuckles] Oh!
Wait. I thought the mission was
to rig Sweeney's chair to collapse.
No, we're here to free a frog.
Oh. Well you free the frog. I'm gonna rig Sweeney's chair.
It's more fun.
Don't you have keys to all the lockers?
Yeah. This is more fun.
Here she comes.
[rumbling]
Run.
Weasel one in position. Let's do it.
[knocking, clearing throat]
This is a custodial emergency. Please vacate the restroom.
What's the password?
Sweeney.
That's right.
Your plan is doomed cause I'm not coming out
until after 3:20. The atomic flush is finished.
Cyborg one, we've got a problem.
Sweeney is in the teacher's lounge bathroom,
and I can't get in.
Why not?
I don't know the password.
Equals mc squared.
[laughing]
But we need every toilet flushed for this to work.
Abort mission.
No. We've come too far not to let this go down the drain.
The atomic flush is still a go.
I will flush that toilet.
[knocking] Come on, mister.
Ah, what do I have to do?
Fellas, let me tell you about somebody else
who had bully trouble.
A man known as the greatest, Muhammad Ali.
[groaning]
Ah. You sure you guys drink coffee?
- Oh, yeah, it's awesome. - Love it.
Good. So anyway, Ali had to fight Sonny Liston,
a bigger, stronger boxer.
Ali acted crazy. He psyched out Sonny Liston
and won the heavyweight championship of the world.
Why? Because bullies don't understand psychos.
Trust me, I know.
Oh, it's cool, they're with me.
Psychological warfare, boys. It never fails.
Except on weasels.
So what happens if you lose this bet with Moze?
- The usual. - Oh ho ho.
That's going to be so embarrassing.
Can I take pictures when you lose?
No, because I am not gonna lose.
Cause you are going to lock me in here
until I finish my project
and you're not going to let me out,
no matter how much I beg, plead or threaten.
Okay, you got it, Ned. You can count on me, buddy.
Gordy, I changed my mind.
Concentrating on my work is really bad-
Hang on, Ned, I'm coming. I'll be right there.
I can not believe you caved that quickly.
I was just testing you.
How'd I do?
Okay, let's try this one more time.
And don't let me out for anything.
Not for anything. Don't let you out for anything.
Gordy, can I have a soda.
Hang on, Ned. I'll get your dinner.
Oh. Okay. Ah. Now I'm starting to get it.
All right. Aha.
I didn't even say anything.
I panicked. Ooh, how about this.
What if I lock myself in here with you?
That way there's no possible way I could let you out or me.
[screaming, banging]
[bell ringing]
Anybody. Help.
[crying]
Gordy, when Ned loses our bet,
he's going to need a toilet plunger.
Right.
Oh, you better have that too.
Two days left.
If you'll excuse me, I have a clog dance to go learn.
[clomping]
Oh, yeah. I am ready for any real emergency.
Check it out.
Emergency survival locker. Safest place in school.
Ooh, everything you need to survive,
the emergency food, emergency soda,
disco ball, emergency radio.
But I need a way to get out of any room
in school really fast.
You thinking what I'm thinking?
We dig an elaborate system of tunnels
that lead to the outside from every room in school?
I was thinking monorail, but I like the tunnel idea, too.
Let's get digging. [chuckles]
[music playing]
[squeaking]
And your point is?
This is a middle school dance, not a fairy tale.
And Cinderella, the clock is about to strike nine.
Nobody is going to swoop down and make your wish come true.
[music playing]
[yelling]
[chuckles]
Zack, get the ball. Get the ball. Get that ball.
Go get it. Come on. Go get it.
You're leaving me for a basketball?
That's right. Later.
Good boy.
Ned Bigby, please report to the janitor's closet.
Ned Bigby, to the janitor's closet, please.
So, I happened to overhear your problem.
Which is easy when you have one of these.
Look, fighting a girl is a no win situation.
What do you mean?
Well, if you lose, you got beat up by a girl.
But what if I win?
Then you just beat up a girl.
Now, having said that,
I recommend flipping her big time.
[knocking]
- In a meeting. - I mean senseless violence is
the last thing we men have left.
If women take that away- [knocking]
Yeah, working with toxic chemicals in here.
Neddy, remember, we're men, and we must remain manly.
[banging]
[unintelligible for you to clean up the kitchen?
Yeah. I'm gonna have the night guy do it.
No, Gordy, you're doing it right now.
Come on.
Ow. [unintelligible] Ned. Be a warrior.
Ah! A warrior.
Wake up.
You're gonna need a bigger boat.
If I catch you in another one of your all day Monday naps,
I'll send you home, for good.
Gordon's not sleeping.
He's just, uh, going through another one of his faint spells.
Right, he's, uh, he's iron deficient.
Gordy, can you feel this?
♪ How I love ya How I love ya ♪
This is your last warning or you're fired.
[thudding]
You can't get fired.
Who's going to give us manly advice
or give us encouragement to do our best?
Or loan us your master keys?
Oh, yeah. Here. Thanks.
I can't help it.
There's this noisy bluebird that keeps me awake
on Sunday nights when I'm trying to recover
from my weekend antics, which I will tell you more about
when you're 30.
[chiming]
I better take this. One, cause I'm a technical whiz.
And two, you guys are useless on Mondays.
Hey. You're right.
[thudding]
Interesting.