Do you have any fear or resistance towards dating younger men
because you're afraid you might be too different from them
to create the connection or relationship that you want?
Well, I'm here to show you why that's simply not true
and how to bridge the age gap and have great relationships with younger men.
[MUSIC]
Hi there. Mat Shaffer here,
your empowerment, connection and relationship coach.
I'm a former attorney who's committed his life
to supporting women like you
in creating the fun, fulfilling, dynamic relationships with men
that you are so worthy of.
I'm really excited about this topic, how to bridge the age gap.
Because there are lots of great younger men out there
that would love to connect with you.
So often, there's this perceived gap between us.
We're going to dispel that and I'm going to show you
how to connect with them in a meaningful way.
Before we do, take a second, hit that little subscribe button,
and don't forget to click the link in the comments and caption.
I have created a great training
that's really going to help you connect with men at a deeper level.
Let's start off by looking at what you might be telling yourself
around dating younger men.
You might be saying that they're too different than you.
They've had too many different experiences.
Maybe they're not mature enough.
They're not evolved enough.
They're not developed enough.
Maybe they're going to see you as being too old
or that you won't be able to keep up with them.
You're afraid of how they're going to be perceiving you.
Well, I want to put all those stories to rest because they're simply not true.
I'm going to give you five simple mindset shifts you can use today
that are going to help you bridge the gap
and create deeper, more fun and fulfilling connections with younger men.
Now, my first tip on how to bridge the age gap with younger men,
and this is very important, this is the foundation.
This is what you get to leave at the door,
is that you get to release all your judgments and projections
around who younger men are, what they're looking for
and what a relationship with them gets to be.
You get to release all of that stuff
and really see and experience the man before you.
Because I know there are shows like Cougar Town
and there's a lot of social conditioning and narratives
around that younger men are only looking to take advantage of older women
and all of this stuff,
but I'm here to tell you, those rules simply do not exist.
There are a lot of younger men who are craving and looking for
a meaningful, healthy relationship and healthy connection
and they just happen to be attracted to and drawn to older women.
Recognize that this whole ulterior motive and manipulative agenda
that society has told us is the only way that age gap relationships work,
it's not real.
If you enter into getting to know younger men and you have released all that stuff,
you're going to be much more present and you're going to be much more open
to experiencing the man in front of you,
which is going to lead to a much more meaningful
and more fun connection with him.
My second tip is as you're talking to younger men,
whether it be online, or at a bar, or anywhere,
don't be dismissive, or condescending, or talking down to them
about their experience or any gaps that there might be in it.
Because, yes, maybe the younger guy you're talking to
never learned the Dewey decimal system,
and maybe he's never used a corded phone or he never had one growing up.
He may have had a wildly different experience than you
in his own growing-up process,
but it doesn't mean that it's any less
than what you've gone through and what you've experienced.
If you do that, if you are dismissive or you talk down to him
about the fact that you've gone through so much more in your life,
you're actually increasing that perceived age gap.
That's really all it is, is a perception, a perception of difference.
You don't want to emphasize that or really draw attention to it,
especially in a negative condescending way.
As he's sharing his experience and his stories
and what he's gone through in his life, honor that.
Ask him follow-up questions.
Really show that you're curious and open to him sharing his story.
Even though it may be very, very different than yours,
your interest and your presence is going to help bridge the age gap between you.
Because if he can feel that you're giving equal value
to his experiences and his stories that you're giving to your own,
he's going to feel really seen and appreciated by you
and that you're not seeing him as less than you
just because he may be a little younger than you.
My third tip here is don't fixate on the age difference
when you're talking to him.
You as the woman,
you are the communicative and emotional conductor of the relationship.
In the way that you talk to him and connect with him,
you're setting the stage for how you two communicate with each other.
You've got to recognize that if you spend all your time bringing things back
to the fact that you two are a different age,
you are deepening that divide between you.
You have the power through the way you direct the focus of the conversation
to focus on the things you have in common,
the shared experiences that you have, the shared beliefs that you have,
the fun dynamics that you have together.
I would invite you to take the power that you have as the conductor
and use it to guide the focus of the conversation
in a way that helps him understand that you two aren't so different after all
even if you may be a different age.
My fourth tip to bridge the age gap,
which is the other side of what I just shared,
is while you don't want to fixate on the age difference between you,
don't avoid it either.
Be willing to play with him
about the difference in age and experience between you.
Don't be afraid to tease him about it.
Remember that your age and your life experiences
are an important part of your frame.
One of the most critical things when you're getting to know a man
is to hold your frame with him and playfully tease him
about the differences between his frame and your frame.
The fact that you're a little older than him,
and maybe you've had some different experiences than he had,
it's actually perfect opportunity for you to play with him and tease him
about the differences between you.
Don't avoid talking about the age gap.
Use it as a funny way to play with him.
For example, you could ask him,
"Oh, so where were you when Kennedy got shot? Oh, yes. You weren't born yet."
Or just say to him out of nowhere,
"Do you realize that while I was graduating college,
you were learning the alphabet?"
In short, don't tiptoe around the age gap
or the difference in life experience you have
like it's some elephant in the room.
There's nothing wrong with it, there's nothing weird about it,
and it can provide some really great material for you to go back and forth with him.
My fifth tip to bridge the age gap between you and a younger man
and evaporate these perceived divisions between the two of you
is to get out of your head about it, get into your body and have fun with him.
Go dancing, have shared playful experiences,
get into motion.
Get both of you in an a shared experience
where you can just be present with each other,
where you can both, regardless of your age,
revert to that the little boys and little girls that we all are at heart.
You as the feminine get to invite him to step into his power
and plan spontaneous adventures with you.
Go on a hike, go camping, go on a spontaneous trip to an arcade.
Anything that allows the two of you to get into your bodies
and have a fun shared experience together
is going to absolutely melt these perceived differences we have based upon our age
and help us connect with the fact that at the end of the day,
we're all just people looking to have fun
and have deep, meaningful connections with each other.
If you can embrace these five simple practices,
it will bridge any age gap that you have
between you and a man you're looking to get to know.
That first practice was
release all your judgments and projections around younger men,
who they are, what they're looking for, how they see you
and what a relationship between the two of you has to look like.
Just let all that go and see and experience the man before you for who he is.
Secondly, don't talk down to them or dismiss them
just because they may have less experience than you
or they may have different experiences than you.
When you do that, you create a negative focus
on the age gap between you
and it's not going to create the connection that you're looking to foster with him.
Honor and hold space for him to share his experiences.
Through asking him questions and being a great listener,
help him understand that you respect what it is that he's experienced in his life
even if it is vastly different than what you've experienced.
The fact that he doesn't know the Dewey decimal system and you do,
it doesn't mean that you're any more accomplished or worldly than he is.
Thirdly, don't fixate on the age difference between you.
Remember, you're the conductor
of the communicative aspects of your relationship.
If you make the dynamic of conversation between the two of you
constantly coming back to the difference in age between you,
you are going to build it up to be a bigger deal than it is.
On the other side of it, don't avoid addressing it either.
Recognize that your age and your life experience
is an important part of your frame
and that there's nothing wrong with you acknowledging the fact
that he's a lot younger than you, that you do have different experiences.
In fact, it's a great opportunity for you to tease him and play with him,
and help activate him, because at his heart, he is a little boy.
Lastly, get out of your head, get into your body
and just go have fun shared experiences with each other.
Go dancing, go on hikes, go on adventures
and do things together that help the two of you truly become present
to the person before you.
I hope you're able to use these five tips to bridge the age gap with younger men
and create some fun, expansive connections and relationships with them.
Get out there and have fun.
Before you do, if you enjoyed this video,
take a second, hit that little subscribe button
and don't forget to click that link in the comments and caption.
I have created a great training that's going to help you create
better more fulfilling relationships with men of all ages.
Thanks so much for stopping by
and I'll see you next time on my YouTube channel.
Bye-bye.