- Hey, Chuck.
You think me and Link'll make it through the apocalypse?
- Nope.
- I'm Emily.
- And I'm Leigh.
- From Murray, Kentucky.
Good Mythical Morning!
(upbeat music)
(flames roar)
- Good Mythical Morning!
- Today's episode is brought to you by the Turdle.
This is Chuck's new product that you're endorsing.
- I'm endorsin' the Turdle.
- And I would explain to you what the Turdle is,
but it's all part of the game that they're playing
over there on Chuck's channel right now, and that is:
Guess what the Turdle is, and you win a chance at getting
- An autographed Turdle.
- An autographed Turdle. - The signature
numbered autographed Turdle.
Signed by me.
- Is it like a pillow?
- Nope.
- Like a phone? Phone case?
- Nope, nope, nope. That's a triple nope.
- Is it like a breast augmentation kinda thing?
I could put, I could put it, I can put it,
- You know, it could be.
- I can get it into there. You know what?
(fabric shuffles)
- Like, wow. Now don't give 'em an,
you're givin' it away.
There you go.
But nope, that's not it.
- If you could figure, well these things,
(Chuck laughs)
It's really tight in there.
- I know. It's just,
(Chuck laughs)
- Seriously, we're gonna link
to the video in the description.
Go over to Chuck's channel, look at the video,
guess what the Turdle is,
and you could win a signed Turdle.
Turdle with a D.
So I'm, my hint is gonna be,
- The answer's right in front of you.
- The answer is right in front of you
'cause it's Turdle with a D.
- And we're givin' multiple Turdles away,
so there's, like, 200 chances to win.
(foam slaps against hand) - And I get this one?
- You get that one.
- All right.
- But if you want me to sign it, it's five bucks.
- Okay, well, we'll negotiate that later.
- Okay. - What you been up to, man?
- Oh, you know.
(Chuck laughs)
You got an hour? Your usual.
- Just, just hangin' out?
- Just hangin' out.
- Taking the skin off of animals?
- Taking the skin off animals.
- Putting it onto forms?
- The mannequins, doin' a little of this, little of that.
- 'Cause you know,
- Getting arrested, sort of.
- You got arrested?
- No, almost. It was an accident.
- What happened?
- You know that domestic thing?
- Well, tell everybody. You told me about,
a little bit about this.
But I think this is, this is worth telling.
- Is it?
- Yeah, I think so. - You think so? Okay. - Yeah.
- So I'm at my shop, minding my own business,
and I got a helper who's a cop
and he comes over on duty sometimes,
so a squad car pulls up in my driveway.
- Uh huh. - I see it through the fence,
so I mighta started yellin' some stuff at 'em.
- You, all in good fun?
- All in good fun.
- Hey, pig! Stuff like that?
- Yeah, stuff like, well I know better than that.
- Oh, really? Yeah, what?
- Yeah, but I can't even go there now. - Okay.
Well, we got it.
- And then they're goin' "Police!"
I'm like, "come on, Don. Knock it off!"
"Police!
Open the gate!"
I'm like okay, Don. it's not funny. You know?
But then there was these two officers
I'd never seen before there, and they go,
"We're here, we're lookin' for 324 North Arness."
I go, "Well, This is 318," and they're goin'
"Well, we had a domestic violence complaint.
A woman screaming."
I go, "Oh, that's the wrong house."
"Sir, where's your wife?"
"Excuse me?" "Yeah, where's your wife?"
"Well, why? She's at the movies."
"Well, we need to see her."
Like, "Well, why?"
"We had a domestic vi,"
then it occurs to me,
- Mhm.
- I have a bloody knife in my hand. (Rhett chuckles)
And I'm covered in blood.
- Because you're a taxidermist.
- 'Cause I'm a taxidermist, I was skinnin' a deer head.
And these guys didn't know that.
They're gettin' ready to call for backup,
- So they, so they respond, they respond
to a domestic violence call, they come over,
and they see a crazed individual with a bloody knife.
- Crazed indivi, with a bloody knife.
- Covered in blood.
- They're like, obviously this guy had just, - No shoes on.
(Rhett imitates knife ripping through flesh) Yeah.
- Just killed his wife.
- Yeah.
- And, and it wasn't goin' too good.
(Chuck chuckles)
Man, oh, by the way, they had no sense of humor.
- Well, would you expect them to?
- No, well, but then, by the grace of god,
one of the guys I saw the little light go on, ya know?
- Yeah, all right.
- And then all a sudden, he goes,
"Oh, you're that taxidermist guy, huh?
You're Don's friend, right?"
And I go, "Yeah, Don Beesy, the deputy.
Why don't ya call him right now, he's on duty."
- Yeah.
- So it ended better than it started. - So you,
you weren't arrested, they didn't take you in?
- I wasn't arrested, they didn't take me,
but I couldn't understand why they kept asking me questions.
- 'Cause you're standin' there with a knife.
- 'Cause it never occurred to me
because, well, that's just every day at my house.
It's nothin' unusual. - I'm glad you're okay.
Thanks for co-hosting with me today.
- Oh, god, thanks for askin' me.
- Yeah, we had to, - It's always fun.
- Yesterday, we had to bring Link in digitally.
He was just over here on this side, you know,
we kinda brought him in.
I saw some of the comments, people were annoyed by him.
I think that's maybe just because it's Link.
- I think it's definitely 'cause it's Link.
- But, you know, I don't know if this,
you know, if this goes well, maybe this'll be a new thing.
- I think so, I mean,
I think you gotta stick with the winners, you know?
- But now, while Link's outta town,
I do wanna talk to you about something.
I got some ideas for, for me and you.
- Let me hear it.
- I've been watching, like a lot of Americans,
I've been watching a lotta television and movies
that centers around the end of the world.
- Right.
- You know, I'm a big fan of Walking Dead.
It's just like, you know, the zombie apocalypse situation.
I've been watching that show on ABC Revolution,
which I don't necessarily recommend it,
but I'm into it because of the concept of,
- The lights goin' out.
- All the lights are out, and what we gonna do, and so,
and then I'd been watching that Doomsday Preppers,
we've talked about this on previous episodes
that I kinda have this thing for these shows
about getting ready for whatever crazy tragic event
is gonna be the thing that's gonna end
normal life on this planet,
and all the infrastructure's gonna go bad,
and so, you know, we've talked before about
I'm, you know, I'm a little bit more prepared
than Link at this point. You know?
I have a big, I have a five gallon jug of water, and that's,
- Wow. Huh.
- That makes me more prepared than Link, just that.
- Just that, okay that tells me how prepared Link is.
- And, you know, I'm a pretty big guy,
I'm kind of intimidating. I think that,
- Sort of.
- I don't know if zombies would,
- In a tall, skinny kinda way.
- If zombies would be intimidated by me,
but I think that, like, you know,
just a wandering pack of thieves
might be a little intimidated by me.
- I'm, I'm intimidated by you.
- But I don't, I don't wanna do this solo.
And so when it hits the fan,
which could happen at any moment, we all know this.
- Right, especially Wednesday morning.
(Rhett laughs)
- Yeah. We're not gonna talk,
- Just sayin', I don't know.
- We know that you don't have any strong political opinions.
- Not none, whatsoever. Absolute not, let's,
- So we're not gonna just,
- There's no reason to discuss the election.
- Nah, let's skip right over that.
- But when it hits the fan, I gotta make a decision.
You know, I gotta bug out, so to speak.
- You gotta bug out.
- And 'cause I can't be here in the city, you know?
- Nope. Nope.
- People are just gonna take advantage of me and my family.
- That's right.
- So I've been thinkin',
originally I thought I would, like, ya know,
Link and I would meet up somewhere
and, and then we would go into the hills or whatever.
But I was, ya know, I'm watching that show, Revolution,
and one of the things that happens
is these people, they start these nation states.
- Right.
- Once the government fails, - Right.
- Then they like, start, like, a dude'll be, like,
"It's McLaughlin Nation!" You know?
And I'm thinkin' what I'm gonna do
is I'm gonna get the kids, I'm gonna get the wife,
I'm gonna bug out, - Head north.
- I'm comin' to Ohi.
- Good idea. - 'Cause you said, I mean,
you're already almost in camouflage already
all the time.
- I'm constantly in a state of preparedness.
- And you've got lots of, you have weapons, right?
I'm gonna take that as a yes.
And you got knives, you know how to wield 'em.
- You wanna stick with someone who knows
how to get the food, cut the food up,
and can cook the food. - You can cook the food, too?
- Absolutely.
- So what're we gonna call this nation state?
- The Nope Nation.
- We gotta, well, I mean,
- Nah, okay.
- We can't, ya know, people goin' even have the internet
at this point.
- Oh.
- So they won't be able to go on watch the video,
we have to start with somethin' totally fresh
and somethin' totally new.
- Okay, well that's where you come in
'cause you're the creative part of this team.
I just provide all the weaponry.
- Well who's the, who's the president?
- Oh, you can be the president.
- You're gonna give me the privilege of bein' the president?
- Absolutely, because if I don't like ya,
I'll just assassinate ya.
(crew member laughs)
- Okay, all right, I'm president.
You're, what do you wanna be?
- Department of the interior.
- What're we gonna do with Link, ya know?
He's outta town, we had the,
we can speak freely about him right now.
He's not here, he's not watching the show while he's gone,
I already talked to him,
he said he's checked out completely. - All right.
Well, remember in the other thing
where I said he's like the decoy?
We do need a decoy. We can let Link come along,
I think he's gonna be okay.
But, ya know, we can throw him out
and have people chase him while we go the other way.
I mean, all kinds of things.
- So we'd bring, okay, so you want me
to pick up Link and his,
- I do because you'd been together a long time,
and, ya know, ya know. - Yeah, you're right, you're right.
So when, so when it hits the fan, I bug out,
I call Link, and I'm, like, "Hey, dude, we gotta go up to,"
- Try and make it to Chuck's
- "We gotta get to Chuck's
so we can start our nation state."
- Right.
- "And get armed, and, ya know."
- Right.
- But then, when,
- Could call it Linklandia.
- Wait, no, that's, we don't wanna mislead him.
And then when it hits the fan the second time,
- Right.
- That's when we push him out to the zombies.
- We're gonna. Because ya know,
I can't think of any manly thing
that that guy's capable of doing.
Name one man thing he can do.
Can he cut wood? Can he fix a car?
He says he can look at a car and make it run,
but that didn't work out too good.
- He's pretty fast, which,
- Fast runner?
- Which I think helps with our plan.
Fits right into our plan. - That's, then there you go.
Fits right in, man.
We'll have the other guys' tribes chase him.
- Not, before we, before we wrap this thing up,
do you have any, ya know,
'cause I have been thinkin' about this.
You know, I, in fact, this is how much my brain
has been on this subject.
I was walking, you know, back from the park
across the street over here recently,
and I kinda walked up and I saw my house
and I saw, you know, the studio back here
that's kinda like, ya know,
a converted garage or whatever.
- Right.
- And I started thinking, you know what?
I could, I could stand on top of that garage
and, like, hit people off.
- Ya need a high spot. You have to, - Yeah, it was, I can,
- You have to man the high ground, for one thing.
- I can see, I can see zombies comin'
from half a mile, probably.
- Yeah.
- And then I's, it was, I'm thinkin' I got this,
there's this pool across the street
and that sort of thing. Can you drink pool water?
- Probably, well, you could.
But you need to boil it first, or somethin'
with the chlorine, right? Or somethin'.
I, but, there's chlorine in regular water.
- Yeah, but not that much, is there?
How 'bout the yellow stuff?
- Yeah, there's a lotta urine in pool water. - Yeah, see?
- Especially a community pool.
- Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about.
Now you gotta sanitize it first.
- What about,
(Rhett clicks tongue)
- You can, you know you can grow your own Penicillin, too.
You know how to do that?
- Oh, I got a lotta moldy bread.
- No, seriously. You take a cantaloupe, you set it out
and you put it in a plastic bag
and you let the mold grow on it
and then you take it and rub it on wounds and stuff.
That's all that, I read that on the internet.
- Yeah, and they can never lie on the internet.
- You wanna end this episode
with the Wheel of Mythicality?
- The Mythicality, yes! I wanna spin!
'Cause last time I had to spin the,
- If you'll do the, you're in Link's spot.
If you'll do me a favor of picking it up. - I had to,
oh, picking it up.
- And whatever it lands on, don't hurt yourself, now.
Whatever it lands on, - I can't, I'm strong.
- No, right here, hold this thing.
And whatever it lands on, if it says
"Link does this" or whatever, you're Link this week, okay?
- I guess we gotta do my time.
Gotta earn my way to the red spot. - You wanna spin it?
- Yes, I do. Which way, this way.
(wheel rattles)
- Yeah, Chuck went the correct way.
(upbeat music)
- "Oiled birthday surprise."
- Okay.
- Can I do it again?
- No, let's do this. Okay, Chuck, listen.
I, when's your birthday?
- Last Thursday.
(Rhett laughs)
- Hey, listen.
(Rhett and Chuck laugh)
Almost a year from now,
- Okay.
- I got somethin', I got somethin' planned for ya.
But I'm going to, I'm gonna need you
to not be at this specific place that we're gonna,
we got this thing planned for you, this birthday surprise.
(Rhett taps his hand on the table)
- Okay.
You know what's good about that?
- Yeah?
- I won't remember.
- Okay. I'll remind ya again.
- What, do you aways spoil surprises?
- Well, when I'm commanded to
by the Wheel of Mythicality, I do.
- Oh. Well, we can't disappoint the wheel.
Of mythicalicalness.
Can we?
- No.
- But at least you'll be thinkin' about my birthday,
unlike what happened last week.
- Yeah. Well, I apologize.
- Thank you.
(Chuck laughs)
(upbeat music)