(laughter)
- He's high.
- My name's Brian.
I'm a high school English teacher.
- My name is Emily.
I teach new immigrants who are learning English.
- I am a youth services agent.
- I will abstain from that question.
- Every day, I work with kids.
1000%, and I know this for a kind of fact,
because kids are assholes,
and I can say that because I don't give a shit.
- Oh yes.
I do, there's a proper place and time,
and school is generally not it.
- No, they don't get in trouble, their parents do.
You know when you see somebody get out of a car
and then you also see smoke coming out of it?
So my job is like going up to them, being like,
you can't do that with your kid in the car.
Feel like I shouldn't have to explain that.
Yeah, that's the kind of school I work at.
- Okay.
- What's your name?
- Jacob. - Cool.
Jacob, nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
- And how do you spell that? - J-A-C-O-B.
- Okay, no K?
- No K. - No, okay.
- Immediately, this man is high. (laughs)
- I have some questions.
What do grapefruits have to do with grapes?
- Uh, I don't think they have, is this a joke?
- No, it's an actual question.
- Oh, I don't know.
What do they have to do with grapes?
- I don't know, you tell me.
- I don't know.
- That phrase in general tends to be misleading
in my experience, so I would not say a stoner lookin'
at this guy.
- Why is there an interstate in Hawaii?
- I don't know, why is there an interstate anywhere?
- I don't think he's high.
You're just kind of like thinking about too logically.
- I do not believe you are high.
Okay, I don't get to find out immediately,
okay, I'll find out later?
This is great, okay, okay, hi.
- I think he might be intoxicated.
- Okay, so what do you think of the book?
- I like it.
- That's what I do just to see, and usually they do smell
very much like, their like man perfume.
- You think you're good at catching your students?
- I do.
- Do you get pleasure outta catching your students?
- Yes and no.
There's something that makes me feel bad,
'cause it's like I don't let them keep this secret.
- Why don't we go to page 12.
And why don't you read this section here.
- What the fuck? (laughs)
- I think he's high.
- I think you are high.
- I am.
(laughs)
- Hi.
- My name is Emily.
- Emily, James.
- James, nice to meet you, James.
Can I hug you?
- Sure. - Okay, fantastic.
How long have you been smoking cigarettes?
- Probably 60 years.
- What's your favorite cartoon ever?
- I like some Zapp comic stuff from the 60's.
- Okay.
- Do you do impressions?
- I do, but I do impressions of people that you don't know.
I don't do 'em on purpose, they just pop out sometimes.
It's just somethin' that happens once in awhile,
and I notice it but nobody else notices it.
But I know that I'm doing an impression of this person.
- Can you sing a nursery rhyme?
- No.
- Yeah, I think you're high.
You kinda went on this like tangent about the impressions
that you do of other people.
- Not high, I think he's quite sober.
- Somethin' tells me you do smoke weed.
This man is high. (laughs)
Yep, and that confirmed it.
So thank you.
Good to know and he just left.
He didn't know what he said anyhow.
This is great, I'm winning kind of.
- I feel the need to give you a hug as well.
Can I do that?
- Well, yeah. - Okay, okay.
Okay, great.
- Hey, I got a good sniffer.
- Do you want a little snack?
- Yeah, alright.
- The flamin' hot Cheetos?
- You like spicy food?
- Yeah, I like spicy food.
I'm half Mexican.
- I'm full black.
(laughs)
- Do I remind you of a teacher you've ever had?
- The ones that caught me smokin' weed.
- Really?
Did you only get caught once?
- Yeah.
- Okay, so you learned your lesson.
- Yeah, I mean, not really, but. (laughs)
- Oh, I don't.
I just felt like I had a responsibility to look out
for the other students.
I'm in a portable classroom, so there's not a lot
of ventilation in there.
So it was like a hot box in there.
And all the other kids are just like,
what the fuck is that?
- I think you're high.
- Is it 'cause I'm black you think I'm high?
- You're black? (laughs)
No, the lids are kind of low.
- I think you're high just because this comes
from my father, it's called nigga glare.
And the fact that he's laughing right now means
that he's probably understandin' what I'm sayin'.
Is that cool? - I mean,
I feel like you're profilin' me.
(laughs)
- I think he's probably high.
You're just camping on them.
You're just campin' on the cheetos.
He's high.
- Did you smoke weed in high school?
- No, oh my God, no.
- Can you go to page 37?
- That's 36, 37.
- Okay, cool, what's the title of this chapter?
- What the Germans lack.
- Oh, okay, good, continue.
- Among Germans, it is not enough these days
to have a spirited mind.
- Very nicely done.
I feel like I have the answers, is that too fast?
I feel like I'm really good at this.
- I don't think so, no.
- I think you are not high.
- I smoke weed a lot, bro.
You and I look almost exactly like we shop
at the same place.
(laughter)
What's your favorite crunchy food or snack?
- Carrots, you know.
- Let's see the Nietzsche.
Before you read Nietzsche, do you have any
strong thoughts on Nietzsche?
- No, boring.
- Boring? - Yeah,
that's the main thought I think.
- Okay, let's read this passage here.
- You choose dialectics when you have no other means.
You know that using it provokes mistrust,
and that is not very convincing.
- So why do you think Nietzsche says,
"it provokes mistrust"?
I think she's high.
- I don't think you're high but you seem really fun
to smoke with.
- Hello. - Hello.
High. (laughs)
I'm so sorry.
- Is that a racial thing?
- No, it's not a racial, what? (laughs)
- Want some Doritos?
- Kinda, but they make my hands all cheesy.
- I could just give them to you too.
I can feed them to you.
- I'm already holding it.
- Okay, well then nevermind.
- Alphabet, backwards.
- Z, X, Y.
- What were you gonna ask?
I feel like you were gonna say something.
- No.
- I think she's high.
- You're the one eating all these, I think you're high.
- No, she's--
- When I'm high in front of other people,
I try to be as sober as possible, and you seem like
you're trying to be as sober in front of me and with
the smiling included, so I think you might be a little high.
- Hello, I feel like you look like a stoner.
- I feel like this is a trick.
Oh, fuck off.
- You hungry?
What would you want to eat right now?
- Well, they said they were gonna give us pizza.
- Yeah. - So I'm just
- You're waitin' for that pizza?
- I'm just waitin' for the pizza.
- Do you have like a snack that you go for each time?
- Cookies.
- What kind of cookies?
- Chocolate chip.
- Always? - Always.
- I'm a snicker doodle kind of girl myself.
- Actually, wait, let me think about it.
I was always like anti-oatmeal raisin for a long time,
but those are like super moist.
You grow up and you hit a point of maturity,
you're like, okay, I understand why oatmeal cookies exist.
(laughter)
You wanna see the tattoo?
- You got a tattoo?
Yeah, let me see it.
Why, what does it signify?
- It's my favorite dessert.
- He's stoned.
- I'm gonna say you're not high, but you really wanna
get fuckin' high.
- Not high.
Not only were you able to hold the conversation with me,
but once or twice you actually jumped in over me,
almost like, what's it called, interrupting.
But I like that you tried to fake me out.
- Dammit.
- Fuck.
Damn.
(laughter)
- I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
Is this your life?
- Yeah, I'm pretty used to it.
(laughs)
- It must be hard getting jobs, I'm so sorry.
(laughter)
- That and like, I don't know, sometimes like I don't get
let into bars 'cause they'll think I'm like drunk or high.
Like, oh yeah, I can't let you in, dude.
- Do you smoke weed?
- Very rarely, but I like parties.
- Because school fuckin' sucks.
- I don't know, I just feel like don't be like punitive.
Just like have a conversation with them and understand
like maybe there's a lot more going on than just like
them using drugs.
- We don't like come down hard on that kind of stuff
the first time.
I'm worried about their safety, and I worry about them going
out into the world and having somebody else notice that they
are high who could actually get them into serious trouble.
(applause)
(gentle music)