- From the moment she was born,
from the moment I was pregnant with her,
I have had this giant burden of,
"I'm the only one that cares for her."
That's kind of been a recurring theme is like, wow.
If I don't figure this out, who will?
(somber music)
- I'm pregnant.
- Oh God.
- It could happen to any one of us.
- [Kailyn] It could have been any of us.
- Girls get pregnant in high school.
- Not like everybody else in high school.
(somber music)
- I became a mom a little over three years ago,
at 17 years old.
- I became a teen mom at the age of 14.
- I was 16 when I became a dad.
- So, I was 18.
It was actually right outta high school.
- At first, it was very hard.
But you know, I promised that
I was gonna be there for her.
- The most annoying stereotype about being a teen mom
was definitely that I'm not gonna make it.
And that my daughter's life
will be less than because I'm so young.
- Because when I tell people in my class,
"Oh, I have a child."
They're like, "Oh," like they assume
that I don't know as much as them.
'Cause I guess I made the decision to have a child young.
- A lot of people assume because you have a child
your life is completely over, but they're wrong.
(somber music)
Hi, my name is Jhoanna.
I am a mother to Esmeralda Platereau.
She's two years old.
- I'm Allie. I'm a single mom of a little girl.
- So, my name's Zenon and I'm a father
to a beautiful little girl named Gwendolyn.
- Hi, my name's Brandon.
I have a two year old son named Isaiah.
I'm currently working like three jobs
and I just graduated high school.
- Wow. Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Right.
(everyone laughing)
- [Host] Please walk forward
if you agree with this statement,
"I wish I had children later."
- You know this, I feel like this question's really hard
'cause I have the bad people that are gonna assume
oh, like you don't, you know,
you don't love your daughter or something, but like, I do.
I love, you know, my child with all my heart
and everything I have to give, I'll do anything for her.
But you know, if I had the option, you know,
she'll be exact same everything, but have her later,
I would definitely choose to have her later.
I mean it just, to get everything situated to, you know,
just set everything up, to provide that for her.
I would definitely, you know, recommend do it later.
Do it when we're not children, you know?
When we're older and have more insight.
- I agree with you there.
It's like, from a logistical standpoint,
it makes a lot more sense to have money in the bank
and to have support and to have a celebrated pregnancy
and to have a partner in a house,
all these things that you typically would,
although, in the same token, we're so happy.
We're so in love, we've learned so much,
and being a parent is so much of who we are.
- Me, looking back, I'm happy.
I'm really extremely happy
that I decided to have my child.
You know, I was extremely comfortable
with keeping my child because I knew
that not only would she heal me,
but I would be able to give her love that I was
just eagerly willing to like, give to somebody.
But of course, deserving, you know.
- It helps you mentally.
- Yeah, oh, yeah.
- It just makes you comfortable.
It makes you happy.
Just, you know, knowing that you're raising this kid
and you know, you feel proud of yourself.
- Yes, I wouldn't change something, but in that moment,
when we're a young teenager about to go off to college,
like we just got outta high school,
you know, our life is just beginning.
I didn't have that hindsight.
I didn't have that, "Oh, it'll work out."
It's scary, financially, socially, every way.
If I was in that spot, I think I would say "Yes,"
I would definitely want to have it later in life.
And I mean, if, but yeah, hindsight, you know?
- [Host] I carry more of the burden
of supporting my child than my partner.
- I'm sorry. That's all I wanna say.
I'm sorry that you're here.
(Allie laughing)
- Yeah. That's okay.
She doesn't work right now, but you know,
but she does help in a different way,
by taking care of him, right?
But, it's mostly me making the money
and it's mostly her taking care of our child.
- It's a hard thing to feel like
the whole financial burden is on you
because it just, innates something in you.
And you're like, "Oh my gosh, if I don't
bring money home for my child, what's gonna happen?"
And that's scary.
- When COVID hit, actually, I've been laid off
like twice, so, there was a point in my life
where I wasn't making no money.
It was difficult finding a job that time.
And I felt very unappreciated.
- I kind of had this stereotypical story
of being young and pregnant
and her dad wanting to kind of live his life.
And his family really supported him
wanting to live his life.
And, I felt so much guilt and shame for wishing
that he wanted to be around more when she was younger,
he's grown into it a lot, which is really great.
And, I'm so thankful for that.
But, from the moment she was born,
from the moment I was pregnant with her,
I have had this giant burden
of I'm the only one that cares for her.
That's kind of been a recurring theme is like,
wow, if I don't figure this out, who will?
And it's a scary feeling
but it's also the most beautiful thing
because we've become just this
symbiotic relationship between me and her.
And I just know her so well,
I know everything about her and I'm happy.
- It's just crazy how fast we've matured.
- Yeah.
- And you look at our, you know, friends that we have
and you know, they're a little bit more immature.
- To selflessly serve someone will bring out wisdom
in anyone because you're putting yourself last.
- I was really in between disagreeing and agreeing.
From the beginning of, you know,
the pregnancy to now, majority of that whole timeframe,
I was the one putting like 80% of, you know, responsibility.
I was buying everything.
I was, literally, I didn't ask him for anything.
I was, it felt like I was a single parent.
He would spend time with our daughter,
but that's simply just not enough, you know?
I got an offer for modeling in January,
and so I had to leave my state
and I had to leave my daughter behind
with my family and her father,
which is the the hardest thing I ever had to do.
The responsibility of my daughter
is now like basically equal.
- We still live in different households.
We're still separate at the moment,
until we're saving up for,
we can get a place together.
I see her every day, everything,
we're together all the time.
When I have to leave at night
and she doesn't get that opportunity to leave,
she's with her if she gets up at night,
she has to be with her.
So, I feel like that burden, definitely,
she has more responsibility in that aspect.
And then she is with her more often
'cause I do have a lot more responsibilities with school
and working, but she's also doing school and work.
So, it's just, it's really, it's all over.
It's a roller coaster ride sometimes.
- I wanted to ask like,
you know, you being a teen father,
I feel like people automatically assume
that you put in less work.
So, when you tell people you are a teen parent,
do they assume, or how does that go like?
- When, usually when people ask me if I'm a teen parent
it's usually when I'm with my son.
So, like, "Oh, are you, is this your brother?"
"No, it's my kid."
And they, you know, "Oh, okay."
- The brother, oh, yeah.
- Right.
- [Allie] Babysitter?
- Babysitter, right.
- Sister?
- Oh, do you have availability?
Literally, that's the worst one.
- No, this is my kid.
This is my, you know, this is me.
- For me, it just depends on the context.
Like, I'm not there, they ask my fiance,
"Oh, is the father not in the relationship?"
I think it's just a stereotype now that,
- Exactly.
- You know, the dad usually leaves
and responsibility falls on the mother.
- [Host] My mental health was heavily impacted
since becoming a parent.
- Oh.
- I'm just trying to think of how to articulate this,
'cause it's a wide range of emotions.
I feel like it's not only being scared,
you got anxiety from, "Oh, I have to support my child.
Am I doing this right? Doing this?"
And it definitely keeps you up at night.
And I was never a good sleeper, as is.
It really did take its toll,
whether it be like my social,
how I interacted with like my girlfriend,
I would get kind of more irritable, I guess.
But, until I found that balance.
- I come from a divorced family.
So, I feel like there was different groups
of people that I needed to tell.
And the first two people that we told,
it was a really horrible reaction.
It was slamming on the table.
It was tears. I was in tears.
I just wanted to disappear. I just wanted to not exist.
They were talking about every option besides keeping her.
And it was very sneaky and deceptive
and under the table, like,
"Hey we can do something behind the scenes."
- Wow. I went through the same thing.
- Yeah, like as a woman, like as a girl, too,
like a pregnant girl, you're just, so,
your whole brain chemistry changes
when you're pregnant, you're on protect mode.
You're on try to make everyone happy mode.
And, it's really weird.
I think loneliness is one of the most scary,
detrimental things that people can
go through for their mental health.
It just can be so painful.
And when you're young, you're a young parent,
it just feels like no one could understand
what you're going through.
You need people.
"It takes a village to raise children."
Is such a great quote, and it's so true.
I wanted so badly to be able to do it
on my own and prove everyone wrong.
And it was that moment
I surrendered that pride and I'm like,
no, it takes people to pour into me and to her
and to love on her and help me do this.
Asking for help can be one of
the strongest things you can do.
- I've basically been like a sad person since
I was a little, little girl, about like the age of nine.
I started, you know, having depression
and being suicidal in middle school.
I actually was admitted to a mental hospital
'cause I tried to, like commit suicide.
And that was literally right before
my freshman year before I got pregnant.
And my mindset was, I was still depressed.
You know, my household and the people who were
in my life were very, very, extremely toxic and abusive.
So, when I fell pregnant, it was more, it was like,
I call her my lifesaver. I truly do.
'Cause like she really, I don't know where I would be.
I don't even think I would be on this earth,
if I didn't fall pregnant,
like I literally fell pregnant at 14.
I had to go to school with my baby father.
At that time, he was not claiming the child.
So I literally saw him in the hallways every day,
you know, with my big belly, you know,
I would be crying like every single night.
So, I didn't really have anybody's support, but.
- So, you want to give a child
the happiness that you didn't have near.
- Exactly, but every time I look down at my stomach
I was just like, you know, I do this for you.
And I know that you're gonna gimme the love
that I wished I was raised with, you know?
And I will give you the love because you deserve it.
And that's what really took me off.
And I started just becoming the woman
that I'm supposed to be for my daughter
and for myself, you know, so.
- [Brandon] I respect that.
- I did it.
(Jhoanna laughing)
- I also grew up in a bad childhood.
You know, my parents were also teen parents.
So, they were on and off for like 10 years.
And my dad will get very domestic with my mother.
And I had to, you know, go through that, had to watch that.
And I had to see my mom's pain.
So, I was also very depressed.
I was, you know, I was also suicidal when,
you know, I found out that she was pregnant
and I was, you know, to be honest, I was embarrassed.
You know, like I would get, where I live, you know,
I would get clowned on, you know,
"Hey, you know you got that girl pregnant."
And, but I decided not to look at it as a negative thing.
More of a positive thing.
Okay, well, I have something,
I have a motivation that all these people don't have,
with the situation I had with my ex,
with the mother of my child, with my baby mama, you know,
I noticed that there was those red flags I saw
from my childhood that I don't want for my son.
I don't want him to see that.
And my goal is to break the cycle.
I don't want my kid being a teen parent.
So, I'm gonna make sure he's taught well,
'cause I never had a father figure
that taught me about sex, about using condoms.
I think we can all agree
that it's very hard to tell our parents
that we, you know, we're pregnant
or we got a girl pregnant.
For me, when I told my mom, you know,
me knowing that she was also a teen mom,
oh man, she went crazy.
She started throwing stuff, plates, pots,
and everything started dodging it like the matrix.
I was like, whoo.
(Jhoanna laughing)
- I got very lucky at the time that I told her,
like I think if I, 'cause she was a teen parent, also,
she had me very young and she had sacrificed a lot
of her life to make sure that I had
the opportunity she didn't have.
I found it was just like a slap in the face to her.
I felt like that was gonna be the hardest person
to tell because you had worked all
your adult life to prevent this from happening
to make sure I get a good education.
Don't repeat the cycle,
for me just to go back and repeat the cycle.
She just wanted to provide me with that network.
So, it wasn't as hard, you know,
so, I can finish what I was doing
and provide for my daughter
and just have access to these opportunities still.
So, I'm definitely very grateful.
- [Host] There are goals I've had to sacrifice
since becoming a parent.
- Well, since I had my daughter right outta high school,
I don't have the opportunity to pursue
like, a legal education maybe I wanted to have done.
'Cause I've gotten, you know, offers
from schools out of state and like,
oh, we can give you scholarships
but obviously I'm not gonna take 'em
'cause my family's here.
And, this is where we're rooted.
- When I found that I was gonna become a father,
I didn't really have any goals.
I didn't know what I was gonna do.
What I was gonna pursue as a career.
Military was an option.
I was looking into becoming enlisted in the Air Force.
But, in order to do that,
I had to give up all my custody to the grandmother
since my baby mom is a minor, she's 17 right now.
So, it kind of got me stuck
'cause that was my goal to join the military.
- Educationally, I was always striving.
Like, I was always on the honors role.
And so, when I got to high school,
I got the opportunity to graduate early
even having my child, you know,
but because at that time I was such,
just into just being with my child 24/7,
I didn't trust anybody around my child.
Like, me going away to college,
especially in another state.
No, like I can't, I couldn't do that.
I had to sacrifice that
but it was not much of a sacrifice to me.
It was more of a sacrifice to my family.
That's the way they saw it.
You know, after you have a child
your mentality changes and you really start caring
about what makes you happy.
What makes a child happy?
- All of my goals and dreams changed when I had her.
So, it wasn't like I was sacrificing, anyway.
I didn't feel like I was
throwing opportunities in the trash.
So, when I had my daughter,
it was this complete shift.
As soon as I got pregnant that,
wow, it was a come to Jesus moment.
Your life is not about you anymore.
Quite literally, there's two of you now.
And it was such a humbling, spiritual experience.
Once I just felt that love
and knew I would do anything for her.
And you see this hope in their little eyes
and they're like a blank piece of paper
just ready to have a story rewritten,
a beautiful story and you get to be a part of it.
And it's just so cool.
It's not even like you're in control, as a parent,
you realize how little control you have.
- Yeah.
- And how you're just kind of along for the ride.
- So, being a teen parent is not bad.
It's actually a benefit. It's actually a benefit.
- Yeah. I would still, I don't know if I'd recommend it.
I wouldn't recommend it.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
- If you can.
- Yeah, don't get pregnant.
- Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it.
- [Allie] It was nice meeting you guys.
- I don't know what you guys wanna do.
- I'd hug you.
- Yeah, I'll do the little elbow bump.
- High five, you did great, y'all.
You did awesome. Yes.
(upbeat music)