Beards are in.
The bearded look was once reserved for mountain men and lumberjacks, but just about anyone
can rock a beard these days.
But what does all this scruff mean for men's faces?
Here are scientific effects that happen when a man grows a beard.
Attraction is a matter of personal taste, but in general, the majority of people find
men with beards to be more attractive than men without beards.
"So you got rid of the beard?"
"Yes, I did."
"I thought that was kind of cool."
"And you feel the same way about that?"
"You look smaller."
"Weaker."
"Mmkay, ha!"
According to a study by the University of Queensland, over 8,000 heterosexual women
were surveyed, and on average, they preferred men with at least some scruff.
Dudes with 5 o'clock shadows were seen as better one-night stand propositions, whereas
men with fuller beards were assessed as better long-term partners.
And another study found that gay men agree, as they gave higher ratings to men with beards.
"You know who looks good in a beard?
Dumbledore."
Why is this the case?
Well, according to Psychology Today, studies have shown that men with beards are generally
regarded as more masculine, dominant, and socially mature, as well as more responsible.
The one downside is that studies show people consider men with beards to look angrier and
more aggressive as well.
According to a study by researchers at the University of Queensland, who apparently are
fascinated by beards, having facial hair reduces your exposure to sunlight by about one-third
compared to a clean shaven face.
In fact, beards can offer the equivalent of up to a 21 UPF, making it nature's sunscreen.
This protection actually keeps the skin on a man's face looking younger as well, which
is why when your Uncle Joe shaved for the first time in 40 years, he looked younger
than you.
"Talk to me, beard.
Talk to me.
What do you want to be?"
Ever wonder why Santa sports that giant fluffbag on his chin?
The answer is pretty obvious, actually: having all that hair helps keep a man's face warmer,
which would be particularly handy if you lived at the North Pole.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"NORTH!"
According to Popular Science, these hairy scarves keep the skin underneath 1 degree
warmer than it is in unguarded areas, which might sound small but definitely makes a big
difference.
Strangely enough, though, a study published by the British Journal of Dermatology found
that beard hair actually grows faster in the summer and slows down during the winter.
So men who want to keep their faces warm at Christmas better start growing out their beards
on the Fourth of July.
Men don't choose whether or not to grow a beard, they can only choose if they want to
shave it off.
And there are good reasons not to shave.
Most people who shave experience some degree of skin irritation, and even ingrown hairs,
both of which can be avoided by letting the beard grow.
As Vox points out, workplace beard bans marginalize men who possess thicker, curlier types of
facial hair.
Dealing with ingrown hairs is bad enough, but for many men, frequent shaving can also
cause permanent scarring, razor bumps, dark marks, and even infections.
"Not funny, that is not funny!"
Hey, you've only got a short time left on this Earth, and do you really want to spend
3,350 hours of it standing in front of a mirror, scraping sharp metal against your cheeks?
According to the New York Times, that's how long the average man spends shaving during
his lifetime.
No matter how hard, how often, or how aggressively you shave, your bristles will grow back a
little every day.
Now zoom in one all those little facial hairs and picture them as a forest of tree trunks:
The perpetual act of chopping them down, day after day, seems like a lumberjack's endless
existential nightmare.
The whole "poopy beards" scare of 2015 will not be forgotten anytime soon, but for those
who missed it, that year saw headlines blow up about a so-called "study" claiming beards
carried more fecal particles than a toilet bowl.
Gross, right?
Luckily, it turns out the whole thing was bogus.
In fact, the opposite is actually true.
A study published by the Journal of Hospital Infection took samples from 408 male hospital
workers, both with and without beards, and it was found that clean-shaven faces were
three times more likely to be carrying MRSA bacteria (yikes!) than hairy ones.
Plus, the study also found that beards might contain a type of bacteria-killing-bacteria
which could potentially be developed into powerful new antibiotics.
Thank you, beards!
There is one potential downside to having a beard.
According to the Guardian, a study funded by Guinness found that the average bearded
beer drinker loses about .56 milliliters of beer per pint because it gets caught in their
facial hair.
This annoying "beerd tax" adds up, and according to Pacific San Diego, if you drink 180 pints
a year, your total yearly loss could be about a pint and a half.
What a waste of a good drink!