- [Narrator] Are you scared of dying alone?
Do you ever worry that you will never find someone
who truly loves you
or someone who will always be there for you?
Does the idea of being 80 years old
and sitting at an old folks home
with a nobody by your side make you feel uncomfortable?
Does it give you a bad feeling in your stomach
that you immediately just want to get rid of?
That feeling in your stomach
is something that will ruin your entire life
unless you learn how to get rid of it.
And I'm going to tell you exactly how to do this
by sharing with you a story.
This is Chris.
Chris is a guy who had a lot going for him.
He went to a good high school, he went to a good college,
he had friends and he was a pretty smart guy.
But underneath all of that he was actually very disturbed.
When Chris was a child,
his dad would say very harsh things to him.
Whenever he did something wrong
or he couldn't figure something out,
his dad would say things like,
"Chris, I don't have time to help you with everything.
"Why can't you just be smarter or be better?
"How come you can't be more like the other kids
"and stop asking your parents for literally
"every single thing, just be better."
Chris's mother tried to make him feel better
after these arguments, but the emotional wounds
ran pretty deep.
His dad wasn't all bad though, he did love Chris
and he loved his family.
And he worked very hard in order to provide for them.
He paid for Chris to attend a great boarding school
and he paid for him to attend a great college.
And he would even check in with Chris
to make sure that his grades were good
so that one day he could get a good job
and then one day he could have a family of his own.
But soon after Chris graduated college,
his dad died of a heart attack.
When his dad passed,
Chris had a deep feeling of emptiness and loneliness.
And he found it very hard to do basic things
like go to work or go to the gym or go to the grocery store.
And as time went on, he even found it hard
to get out of bed in the morning,
Chris got to the point
where he was willing to do anything to make this sad,
lonely feeling go away,
because if he couldn't make it go away,
then he didn't see a point of living life.
So he set out on a mission to try and fix himself.
His mom told him that the reason why he felt sad and lonely
was because he didn't have a family to take care of
and that he didn't have a girl in his life
who could hug him and make him feel better.
"Get a girlfriend and your problem will be solved,"
his mom said.
So Chris followed her advice and he met a very nice girl.
At first, she made him feel better,
they would laugh together, they would watch movies together,
they would go for walks,
and they seemed like a great couple.
But as the years went by,
Chris became more and more emotionally dependent on her
and they started to argue over really stupid things like
what movie to watch or what to have for dinner,
or what chores who should do around the house.
And as even more time went on,
they started to scream at each other
and they would call each other all these horrible names
and things got pretty bad.
One day Chris's girlfriend came home
and she told Chris that she had been offered a job in London
and that she was going to take it
so she suggested that they break up
and this really triggered Chris and his initial reaction
was to not let it happen
and he begged her not to go
and that if she was going to go
then they should try long distance
and they should try to make it work.
But unfortunately, she had made up her mind.
So she packed her bags and moved out.
The first night when Chris was alone in his apartment,
that lonely feeling quickly returned.
But this time, it felt worse.
And it was much deeper than sharper than previously.
And his initial reaction was to get rid of the pain
at all cost, or to at least blunt the pain.
So he very quickly went out and got another girlfriend.
And for the next 10 years, Chris repeated the cycle
of getting a girlfriend, breaking up, feeling lonely,
and then getting another one.
It went on and on and on.
The problem with his relationships were that
they never really felt right
or there was always something wrong.
And that really deep love feeling that we all see in movies,
or we read about in books was never really there.
One night, when Chris was alone in his apartment,
he searched for his ex girlfriend on social media,
and he saw that she was now with another guy in London,
and she looked very happy and he told himself
that he was happy for her but deep down
he was wished that she was a sad and as miserable as he was.
But he would never admit this to himself or to anyone.
As time went on this incomplete feeling only worsened.
So Chris thought to himself,
"You know what the problem is,
"I don't have enough money
or I'm gonna try and become friends
"with the popular people or even the famous people.
"When I do that all my problems will be solved."
So he started to work all the time.
And he would focus all of his awareness into that.
And then after work,
he would put himself through a really intense
workout at the gym.
And then after that he would try to network with these
famous people or successful people,
and he would always put 100% of his awareness
into whatever activity that he chose to do.
Chris's brain tried convincing him
that he was happy and his mind would say things like
"Chris, look at the nice car you have
"and look at your body and look at all your friends.
"Man, this is amazing.
"There are so many people who wish
"they could be you right now."
But deep down in his gut, he knew that something was off
and that he wasn't happy.
Eventually, Chris did find someone to marry.
They both were in their 40s,
and they both had been through
a couple unsuccessful relationships.
They had an amazing wedding day,
family and friends were there,
they had great food, everyone was smiling.
It was a beautiful day.
But they would never admit to anyone or to themselves
that the main reason why
they were getting married in the first place
was because they both knew that they were past
the stereotypical get-married age,
and that they both were worried
that if they didn't get married now,
then it may never happen.
But on the surface, everything looked pretty good.
They had a similar sense of humor.
They both liked to go hiking, they both liked Italian food.
But underneath all of that there were many problems
and they fought a lot during the first 10 years of marriage.
But eventually they got to the point
where they were sick of fighting,
and they did not want to spend
their remaining years on earth always battling each other.
So, they stopped and they told the world and themselves
that the reason why they stopped fighting
was because they had just worked everything out
and they started to listen to each other more.
But deep down in their hearts,
neither of them were truly happy.
They both had just accepted the fact
that there were certain topics
and certain issues between them
that we're never going to be 100% solved.
And they convinced themselves
that the love that they fought for each other was real.
But the reality is,
is that the love they felt for each other
was just the other person easing the other person's fear
of dying alone.
Many human beings try and use external things
to solve their internal problems.
And the reason why Chris was lonely,
it was not because he did not have a girlfriend or a family.
It was because he had repressed issues
that were caused by his father
that he never really dealt with.
And then when he died, those issues only became worse.
Instead of facing his emotions head on,
he tried using a relationship to solve them,
which will never work.
If you begin with a problem inside yourself
and you try to solve it
by getting involved with somebody else,
that relationship will have problems, because your problems
are what caused the relationship in the first place.
The shocking truth about loneliness
is that it usually stems from dark issues
that are already inside of you.
And the only way to cure your loneliness
is by going within yourself
and letting go of those dark issues
that have been running your entire life.
Only then will you be free.
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