- I LOVE PATTI LABELLE.
I LOVE--SHOUT OUT TO PATTI LABELLE, HONEY!
I WENT AND BOUGHT THE PATTI LABELLE PIE.
SWEET POTATO PATTI LABELLE.
THIS IS THE PATTI EDITION, HONEY.
THIS IS THE...
♪ ON MY OWN ♪
BUYING THIS PIE--
IT'S HARD TO GET IN THIS MOTHER[BLEEP].
PATTI, WHAT YOU SEAL THIS BITCH WITH?
GORILLA GLUE?
OOH, IT'S SO PRETTY.
LOOK AT THAT.
MMM.
♪ ON MY OWN ♪
♪ WHY DID IT END THIS WAY? ♪
COME ON, PATTI.
SO LET'S TASTE THE PATTI.
I WANT TO TASTE PATTI.
OOH, PATTI'S SO MOIST!
COME ON, PATTI!
PATTI!
- I'M ALWAYS HESITANT TO TELL A BLACK PERSON
THEY REMIND ME OF ANOTHER BLACK PERSON,
BUT HE REALLY SOUNDS A LOT LIKE PATRICE O'NEAL.
THAT'S JAMES, AND SINCE HE POSTED HIS FABULOUS REVIEW,
WALMARTS ACROSS THE COUNTRY HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY SOLD OUT
OF PATTI LABELLE'S SWEET POTATO PIE.
I HAVE A HARD TIME BELIEVING
ANYTHING FROM WAL-MART IS EDIBLE,
LET ALONE DELICIOUS.
- HERE WE GO.
PATTI...
IF ANYBODY KNOW PATTI LABELLE, TAG HER IN THE VIDEO!
PATTI!
♪ WHOA, YEAH! ♪
BITCH, I'VE TURNED INTO PATTI.
YOU'LL TURN INTO PATTI AFTER EATING THIS.
[SINGING INDISTINCTLY]
I SWEAR.
♪ PIE ♪
- PIE?
THE GREATEST PASTRY CHEF IN THE WORLD
COULD MAKE HIS BEST PIE,
AND IT WOULD NOT BE AS GOOD AS THE WORST BROWNIE.
AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON PUMPKIN PIE.
JACK-O'-LANTERN GUTS AREN'T FOOD,
AND THEY'RE CERTAINLY NOT A DESSERT.
IF PUMPKIN PIE WERE ANY GOOD, IT'D BE AVAILABLE YEAR-ROUND.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE NEVER HEARD?
"UH, OUR SEASONAL MILKSHAKE IS CHOCOLATE."
BUT VIRAL SENSATIONS LIKE JAMES
ONLY COME AROUND ONCE EVERY WEEK OR SO.
AND SINCE EVERYTHING HE EATS GETS WILDLY POPULAR,
I FIGURED, WHY NOT INVITE HIM OVER FOR A TASTE OF TOSH?
EVERYONE, THIS IS JAMES.
- HEY, EVERYBODY.
HOW YOU DOING?
- I HEARD PATTI LABELLE CALLED YOU.
SHOUT OUT TO PATTI LABELLE, HONEY.
WHAT'D SHE SAY?
- SHE WAS JUST THANKING ME FOR DOING THE VIDEO,
AND SHE WAS JUST HONORED.
- SHE NEEDS TO JUST OPEN UP THE CHECKBOOK FOR YOU.
YOU CAN'T GET THE PIE ANYWHERE IN THE COUNTRY
BECAUSE OF YOUR VIDEO.
- RIGHT.
THAT 'CAUSE I'M JAMES WRIGHT CHANEL.
- DO YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU CAN'T GET IN AMERICA?
- WHAT'S THAT?
- SURSTROMMING.
- PASTRAMI?
- NO, NOT PASTRAMI.
IT'S SURSTROMMING.
IT'S SWEDISH FOR SOUR HERRING.
- MM-MM.
- I'M TOLD IT'S THE MOST PUTRID-SMELLING FOOD
IN THE WORLD.
- [STAMMERING]
[CAN HISSES]
I'M NOT USED TO THIS.
- I DON'T LIKE THAT.
- OH, MY...
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
- I KNOW.
I'VE GIVEN YOU ALL THE INFORMATION THAT I KNOW.
OH!
- OH, MY GOD.
- [LAUGHING] OH, GOD!
IT'S SO...
- ♪ AND THE ROCKETS' RED GLARE ♪
OH, MY GOD.
♪ THE BOMBS BURSTING IN AIR ♪
OH, [BLEEP]!
♪ GAVE PROOF THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪
OH, MY--HELL, NO!
♪ O SAY, DOES THAT ♪
♪ STAR-SPANGLED ♪
OH, MY GOD.
- [GAGGING, LAUGHING]
- WHY THE HELL DOES IT SMELL SO BAD?
- I CAN'T HANDLE IT.
- I OPENED IT.
YOU TASTE IT.
- I'M GONNA PUKE.
- YOU KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE?
IT LOOKS LIKE POTTED MEAT.
- [COUGHING]
- YOU WANT TO TRY THIS, ANDREW?
- OH, [BLEEP].
- OH, NO. OH, NO!
OH, NO!
DON'T SMELL IT!
- WHAT'D YOU SMELL IT FOR?
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
- OH, MY GOD.
- OH! OH!
OH! OH! OH!
AHH!
- SWALLOW IT!
[ALL SHOUTING, LAUGHING]
[WOMAN SHRIEKING]
- NOW, I'M SURE PEOPLE AT HOME DON'T BELIEVE
SURSTROMMING COULD POSSIBLY SMELL THAT BAD,
BUT I ASSURE YOU IT WAS WORSE.
THAT'S WHY I HAVE ONE MORE CAN
THAT I'D LIKE TO POP OPEN IN FRONT OF MY STUDIO AUDIENCE.
[AUDIENCE GROANS]
[LAUGHTER]
- OH, MY GOD.
- TAKE A GOOD WHIFF.
YOU GET ONE BIG WHIFF.
CAN YOU SMELL IT EVERYWHERE?
- YEAH.
- GARY, COME HERE.
COME HERE.
GARY, DON'T BE A PUSSY.
JUST ONE BIG WHIFF.
THERE. IS THAT BAD?
NO, YOU CAN'T PLUG YOUR NOSE!
- WHAT AM I DOING?
- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN DO IT.
[AUDIENCE GROANS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OH, THAT'S HEAVENLY.
[AUDIENCE GROANS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
OF THE ROSS DRESS FOR LESS THANKSGIVING DAY MARCH.