at the pan play heavy metal when you
came out here it is so much to talk
about first of all you teach history of
French society at Cornell so how did you
get into bread how did that happen bread
is at the center of the social
experience yes it's a communion it's
it's it's what keeps people together
it's what it's what enables people to
survive so if you want to understand the
mysteries of how a society can survive
over a long period of time bread is a
terrific point of entry bread is sort of
where we all come together as people we
all enjoy bread we break bread and we
exchange bread and bread binds us right
okay literally how long sorry that was
cheap how long how long have you been
studying bread probably close to 40
years now 40 years you've been studying
bread when did you sew in 1967 in the
60s and I I went to do my dissertation
and I discovered that to write
convincingly about bread I needed to
learn how to be a baker so I did some
training in as a baker and what was fast
and it was that bread is a live
substance you make it every day and it's
it's it's it's very vivacity makes it
difficult to control and making bread is
pretty much like a sexual act it
involves oh my god it it involves
involves in some way is it a sexual one
inseminates the flower with a fermenting
agent one mounts the flower to need how
do you make bread swells yes yes I mean
it mimics something a lot of the
experience of reproduction yeah so it's
interesting yeah oh my god okay alright
so for you you realize this is a sensual
experience handling bread and and
fondling bread and then you decided I
must know more about well we're gonna
taste some bread today is that correct
and tasting is important because we
should not leave tasting to be the
monopoly of the snobbish wine drinkers
yes right it's more democratic but it
doesn't mean that bread shouldn't be
given the same majesty of tasting so I
think we should taste okay good well
here it is eventually and this is the
bread and that's okay fellas that's
that's fine so tell us now yeah okay
this is actually
this all different kinds of breeders
don't travel on planes with this but
yeah this will enable us to do some work
okay all right and what are we gonna you
want to taste some bread we want to
examine five qualities of bread the
first the first disappearance bread it
has to be good to think before it's good
to eat it has to have an architecture
that's appealing that's not a line that
makes us eager it has to provoke a
stroking it all in trouble and it's
bread
this bread is this bread is is repugnant
it's it's why what's wrong with this
bread this bread doesn't look that
different from that it doesn't have it
doesn't have the the indentation so the
slices it doesn't have the kinds of
qualities of crust right it's golden
nature so these you find this bread
hideous look at this let's get rid of
this bread then this is even more bread
this bread was was baked too close to
the bird next to it
we call that breads that were copulating
oh my god police are looking for you by
the way
man's been exposing himself at a bakery
window the fellow primates your bread is
something we shouldn't really be talking
about yes yeah well you keep bringing it
up isn't that interesting right let's we
want to section the bread vertically oh
geez I'm you want to avoid lacerating
it's structure of the crumb yeah there
we go
that's when other words you just slice
the bread
what we wanted we wanted that we want to
steal the surging of a geyser of aromas
[Applause]
that's good that's good bread all right
so you wanna you know what it smells
like Professor X smells like bread no
that's dr. Donny's new tautology in
which in which non-believers are locked
into this smells this smells like it
smells like butter
okay it's like it smells like hazelnut
hazelnut it smells it smells like winter
vegetables it has even a little bit of
butterscotch in it
the crust is caramelized and and the
older from the crust migrates to the
crumb this is a wonderful bread and look
at the structure of a crumb it's it's it
has these little sites of memory these
holes of different sizes which specifies
to a good fermentation it has a
sensuality to it it's a camera's over
there it's not anorexic its fleshy its
fleshy yeah when you press it it springs
back right right when you when you poke
it this way it resonates yes it has it
appeals to the site it appeals to the
sound you feel it cracking which gives
it how many restaurants have even thrown
out of recently brings you the bread
you're poking and prodding and mounting
and thrusting
yes I have my bread in my briefcase if
the bread is a piece of does it normally
[Applause]
Keith Oberman is showing dirty cards her
raping bread do we ever
okay we've smelled the bread we poked
the bread we've we've fondled the bread
and stroked the bread are we gonna taste
some bread at some point right if you
acknowledge the fact that it's tactile
yes and the fact that you don't need to
have a fork then we can give you a piece
to taste can I have it what you just
were rubbing that okay by your standards
you like this one
now you want me to eat that one it's
immunology is filled with chronology it
has no theology so a Catholic shouldn't
be worried about her
whoa very nice okay so nice mouthfeel it
doesn't it's not offensive it doesn't
attack too aggressively it has a taste
which is nutty and pleasant This Is It
this is a good piece
[Applause]
no it's good bread it's how much good
right have you eaten I eat bread I go
out yeah Wonder Bread I imagine
[Applause]
so you suddenly you know like Wonder
Bread huh what's wrong with Wonder Bread
it's tasteless it's insipid it's without
any interest it has no crust it has a
crumb let's charge with chemicals why
else should I like you there's Wonder
Bread every sponsor on this show Jeff it
is you're insulting some of the best
bread ever made now so do you you eat a
lot of bread then you must when you're
tasting bread you must eat pounds and
pounds of bread I do not you don't I
Spit I keep it wet I spit and there
there are in the great taxonomy of
things there are swallowers and there
are spirits
[Applause]
I guess that would make me a swallower
this segment airs tonight I'll be very
surprised well the book looks innocent
enough looks like it wouldn't need a
brown wrapper over it a consumable labor
yes another sexual image what Waiver
labor going into labor oh my god okay if
you keep going I'm trying to get us out
of here before the cops show up
professor the book is called a good
bread is back and very entertaining
talking to you Steven Kaplan thank you
so much
[Applause]