This sheila is enjoying a leisurely ride
But little did she know, she's in magpie territory
The magpie is Australia's biggest fucking bastard
It looks like she's overreacting
She's not
This little wankers are scarier than the bloody drop bears, down here
There's a couple of fellas known for being jackasses
They're trying to pass themselves off as a real zebra
All the other zebras are like: "Who the fuck is that guy?"
"Stop following us, you weirdo"
"We don't know you, leave us alone"
These ladies don't give a fuck, though
They're thinking: "This creature is odd, but, who cares? As long as it tastes good"
They get a nice mouthful of arse
And off goes the head
If I was that zebra, I would totally be shitting myself
This guy thinks he can become a friend of the elephants
He says: "I shall pleasure your trunk"
BAM
"Nah you won't, ya cunt!"
"Stay away from me trunk"
Crikey! He got absolutely shit-mixed
The horse at the back here doesn't want to go in that filthy as fuck water
The human persists, of course
So the horsy says: "Okay, heeere we go!"
And she goes for a full body swim
I wish I was in the crowd
That is the best free entertainment you'll ever get
People are filming this llama, like they're the paparazzis
It must be a celebrity llama
It's gotta be
It looks like it's getting fed up
Yup, there it goes
It's decided to fight back
It's going after the lead journalist, who keeps writing stories about it
It's like: "Fuck you mate, I'm a good llama"
"I had a good career, you've made everyone think I'm guilty until proven innocent"
"Fuck you"
"I paid me taxes"
"I never cheated on the misses"
"You're just trying to make money out of my fucking tip-top llama reputation"
"Acting like you're on bloody moral high horse"
"I HATE HORSES"
And the celebrity llama journalist is out of here
Retreating to the woods, to think about his agenda
This guy reckons it was a good idea to bring a condor to a Condors' game
It's not a good idea
It's a very shonky idea
The condor doesn't care about sports
It's thinking: "Fuck me, just let me go be a condor"
The human tries to control it
He does manage to get it
AND HE GOES ARSE UP
Sensational
Now it's like: "I'm a real condor!"
"I'M THE REAL FUCKING CONDOR"
Drugs and taunting parrots is also a shonky idea
Come on, come on
Get him
Bite him
You know you want to, mister parrot
It's just a fight
I endorse it
You can do it
*laughing* YES!
Fuck yes!
Fuck yes, parrot
Hey [yarn] everyone, just letting you know my book Ozzy Man's Mad World is available to pre-order
It is real
It's a hundred and sixty-six (166) pages of just realness
It's a fuckin- It's a roller coaster
I look back over the last three years
and go over some of me favourite videos, handpicked by me
What I think are some of the best one-liners
I do a little reflection section
It's like, ya know, it's like I'm bloody reviewing Ozzy Man, a little bit there
That's quite meta
That's quite scary
Quite deep and profound
At the back, there's a fucking glossary of Australian words and phrases to help you overseas
Uh, ya know, if you wanna speak Australian
Anywhere, anytime
You can go "Oh no, I've gotta chander", which means vomit
You can do that
You can use that
You're like, you can go: "Where- where are me budgy smugglers"
"I wanna go to the beach"
Those are like your speedos
So you can really, you know, you can study up on this and it could be really helpful in everyday life, wherever you are in the world
Uh, I'm gonna put the links in the post description below
There's an international link and an Australian link, so pay attention
But you can order it, from anywhere, okay?
So, it's like fucking 15 bucks
17 bucks I think international
It's not a lot
It's fun
It's good to read while you're on the toilet
It's a good coffee table book
It's a good conversation starter
If you don't give a fuck, that's fine too
Cheers!
[Outro Music]