- I'm not sure why everyone's panicking
about picking a major.
I've known my favorite field of study
since I was four years old,
and that's Mortuary Science, obviously.
Oh crap, the paperwork to declare a major is due today?
I'm just gonna have to tell them the truth,
that my dog ate it.
My home dog Timmy, that is. Haha!
Yeah, that party last night got really weird.
Thanks for meeting with me, Dean Higgins.
I know you're a busy guy
and you don't normally meet with students,
so I'm just gonna cut to the chase.
Which major will put me in the best position
to take over your job?
Because I am not happy with the way
things are being run around here.
I really need an extension with the deadline to pick a major
because I need to find something perfect.
Something that fits me like a fine cashmere sweater.
I wanna walk away from my college experience thinking,
"Did I pick my major, or did my major pick me?"
So my mom wants me to go into Nursing
because she loves to see young men defy gender stereotypes.
But my dad wants me to go into Drama
because he's a failed actor.
And then my brother...
- [Advisor] Well, what do you wanna study?
- Well, I'm glad you asked me that,
because I was about to ask you
what you think I think I should study.
If I play my cards right,
I can pull off the rare triple major.
So many people have told me it's impossible
that I kind of have to do it at this point.
Just put me down for whatever major, I don't care.
I'm here for the college experience, okay?
The parties, the football games,
playing frisbee out on the quad with my boys.
This whole education thing? It's really an afterthought.
Economics is a field that will always be around,
so I think it's a safe bet.
At the same time, I realize we live
in an ever-shifting global landscape,
so maybe I should diversify my résumé with a double major.
Let's do Economics and Applied Economics.
Well, since you all don't offer a Baseball Studies major
for some ungodly reason,
I guess I'll have to go with Woodworking.
- [Advisor] Be advised, it's a lot of independent study
with no interaction with other people.
- Sign me up now.
If I hit Philosophy in the mornings
and Physics in the afternoons,
then that leaves the evenings free
for some casual and carefree Chemical Engineering.
I'd like to thank the student council
for convening on such short notice.
Now, some people might say that it's a terrible idea
to pick a major by committee.
And to that I say, "What committee told you that?
Seriously, I need to know. Give me names."
I'm just calling to make sure
that my roommate Timmy stopped by
to finish up the paperwork for my major.
Oh, he didn't?
Well.
Looks like Timmy's gonna be majoring in a world of pain.
I just found out you can design your own major.
Now I just need to find an academically respectable way
to fuse my passion for unstructured time
with my relentless love for internet culture.
I won't let my dreams just be memes.
Look, I know you guys don't normally let students graduate
with a degree in Undeclared, but hear me out.
- [Advisor] Okay, go on.
- Sorry, I didn't expect to make it
this far in the conversation,
so I don't really have anything else to say.
I figured you'd just say no and I'd start crying.
I still might start crying.
It's an app that uses your Twitter history
to generate a word cloud,
which is then compared to word clouds
from every area of study,
and then it spits out a compatibility quotient.
It's like Tinder for your college major,
and it says I should do something called Bird Studies.
And I think I accidentally just swiped right.
I somehow misread the college brochure when I was applying.
It turns out that what the school has
is an Astronomy program.
What a Leo/Virgo cusp Capricorn Sun thing for me to do.
My original plan was to pursue Nursing,
but it turns out I'm too squeamish for all that blood.
So now I'm thinking something more mild and wholesome,
like History.
Why are you looking at me like that?
Did something bad happened in history?
Who knows, I might even be able to squeeze in
a Music minor on the weekends.
- [Advisor] Wow, how are you gonna keep up
with all that homework?
- Homework? Is that, like, a requirement?
On second thought, we dropping out.
Sunday, tune in to this channel for FJ News,
the introvert's source for random and humorous news stories
to fill up those long awkward silences during small talk.
This week, we've got breaking news on the comeback
of self-proclaimed introvert Ellen DeGeneres,
a tiger on the loose in Tennessee,
and singer Alanis Morissette's decision
to un-school her three children.
That and more this Sunday.