- So, when we first met Kevin was quiet, kinda shy.
Then one night at a bar
we ended up using the urinals next to each other,
and suddenly he changed.
(dramatic instrumental music)
(air whoopshing)
- Kevin's clients had told me
he's making sales calls from the bathroom.
When I asked him why,
he says it's because he's multitasking.
I heard he's even recording a podcast in there.
- Welcome back to Shootin' The Piss Podcast.
Today we have a very special surprise guest.
What's your name again?
- Bro, I'm taking a piss!
- I never see him anymore without his CamelBak
and he's constantly popping diuretics.
- The kid's gonna wear out his bladder with all that soda.
If he doesn't stop
he won't be pissing in a urinal,
he'll be pissing in an adult diaper.
(air whooshing)
(dramatic instrumental music)
- Whoa!
Guys, what's going on here?
You havin' a book club meeting or something?
- What?
None of us read books, nobody does.
- What? - Kevin, we're here
to talk about your obsession with urinal chitchat.
- Oh, you guys wanna talk?
Mind if I just take a piss while--
- No!
This is an intervention.
- For?
- Talking at the urinal.
You know, small talk that's annoying enough,
but you're always trying to get all deep.
Like, asking questions about my mom's gout.
- Oh, how is she doing with those
anti-inflammatories by the way?
- Oh, sorry.
- No, no, no you're good, you're good.
We're not doing anything.
(dramatic instrumental music)
- Oh my god.
(dramatic instrumental music)
- Drink a lot of coffee?
- Um...
I'm sorry.
- That was disgusting.
- The way it smelled?
I know, right. - No, you!
Obviously we can all smell that he has coffee piss.
You just started the conversation
because you wanted too.
- I was just being friendly.
You guys are all crazy.
- Us?
You installed a 40-inch flat screen with all access cable,
just so you can trick guys in here
and then talk to them about sports.
- Who doesn't want to talk about baseball
when they're pissin'?.
- Name one baseball player.
- Buster Scruggs.
- What?
So, you don't know anything about sports.
You just use it as a talking point.
- Oh, sorry.
I'll be quick.
- Oh my god.
- Again.
- Nice kicks.
You ball?
- [Long-Haired Man] Dude, come on man!
- Shit.
Okay, I didn't have to talk to him.
I was just curious, all right?
- Why do you so desperately need to talk at a urinal?
- Its just guys being guys.
Getting intimate, you know?
Urinals break barriers.
You're the most vulnerable and honest
when you're takin' a piss.
- Kevin, I'm willing to meet you half way.
You can hold your dick at work
when you're talking to other employees, deal?
- What? - Wait a minute...
- What is wrong with you? - No.
- Ah...
- Kevin, we all love you but you have a problem.
You replaced the toilet in your apartment with a urinal.
- That's just more convenient.
- Where do you shit?
- I don't.
I'm on an all liquid diet.
- Oh my God!
You are destroying your body man.
Kevin, you're sick!
- I'm not sick!
Listen, if it makes you all happy,
I'll just stop.
I'll stop talking to people at the urinal.
- And what about outside the urinal?
Are you gonna be able to open up to people
without your porcelain security blanket?
- For sure.
- So, you're gonna stop talking at a urinal?
Cold turkey?
- Yes.
- Yeah, what's up?
Hey, how you guys doing?
- Hi. - Mm-hmm.
(dramatic instrumental music)
- Ahh!
- Oh, come on. - Ooh.
- [Dr. Sweers] No.
- Oh my gosh.
- Dude, you know you could have used
the other urinal, right?
- Shut up!
I was trying not to talk to you!
- Get that checked out!
- All on your shoes, those Nikes.
(dramatic instrumental music)
- You know, I've recently been calling it car-a-mel,
instead of car-mel.
(eerie violin music)
I used to call it car-mel,
but I definitely think it's ca-ra-mel now.
What do you think?
Still there?
Hello?
(lonely violin music)